Hi All,
Marriage can be scary. For those who are married, Can you please share with us marriage challenges you encountered and how you deal with it.

stay close to God

he will show you both the way

just cus it works in my hse don't mean it will work in yours

stick with whatever that works for u.decide to make it work.make ur spouse ur best friend.disagree to agree.

To me I believe the best way to deal with marriage challenges is to be close to God and to really know the meaning of love and the meaning of the word, "for better for worse" because most people nowadays only do the better and forget the worse.
To those that are Christians, the bible say husbands should love their wives as Christ love the church so in other to deal with marriage challenges the husband need to ask God to give him the grace to do this. A television cannot function properly if what is in the manual is not followed so likewise marriage, (sorry, I don't mean to preach but am just sharing the way I deal with my own marriage challenges)

Dont make the mistake of thinking he/she will change in line with your preference of a partner
as time goes on. Once in, its tough, so choose a FRIEND who complements your nature and you
are comfortable with in day to day living. Dont be under the influence when the decision is made.

Anything done without God would face more challenges (irrespective of your religion), I'm not saying God-founded marriage is not void of challenges but you need to LOVE your spouse, STAND BY (for better for worse), be COMMITTED to each other and lastly PRAY for another, Marriage is not bed of roses. I think marital challenges would be solved based on my views.

Just think of whatever brought you guys together in the first place, just whatever. In some cases what brings couples together are the following; (1). God, maybe after several prayers and fasting and seeking and favour, etc (2). Love, anything that God gives you, you cherish, etc. These are some few insight to keeping your marriage. Just make up your mind to keep it forever, no matter what you face, always learn to say sorry first b4 your spouse do it. Just remember that what God has giving you, you can afford to loss.

Hey guys !

Nice thread.But what about their Sexual Challenges? How should they deal with it? especially where its the mans' inadequacy. Would really love to know.

been married two months . . .will be back in two yrs to give detailed answer

see yourselves as one another, The moment i begin to see my wife in my image, believing that what ever mistake she has made i can equally made those mistake too and whatever dis-comfort i am feeling she might be feeling them too, our living toke a new turn and our love grow more than i can ever imagine.

believe me i never known my marriage could last two month, i got married believing that it going to fail soon but TO GOD BE THE GLORY I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER THE WAY I AM NOW, She is the best thing in my life

Share in each others joy and pain. Adhere to what God says and not what your pastor or any other person is counseling you finally, Be selective in choosing a friends

Marriage is a mystery, bringing two strange persons under one roof. You need to pray fervently before making a choice. Your sadness and frustration begins with the wrong choice. YOU MUST LEARN TO TOLERATE ONE ANOTHER SINCE THERE IS NO PERFECT PARTNER. BEWARE OF MEN OF ?GOD IN YOUR MARRIAGE. Good luck.

Oxygenmayo:

Anything done without God would face more challenges (irrespective of your religion), I'm not saying God-founded marriage is not void of challenges but you need to LOVE your spouse, STAND BY (for better for worse), be COMMITTED to each other and lastly PRAY for another, Marriage is not bed of roses. I think marital challenges would be solved based on my views.

[size=14pt]Mayo,

You said it all but one thing has been left out. This is something that comes immediately after total commitment. Thats complete TOLERANCE. Hey, this particular one works wonders. I'm not talking about women tolerating their husbands alone, I am saying we MEN, I mean we MEN should because of the success of the marriage, TOLERATE our wife completely regardless of their weaknesses. I hope the "Egos" inherent in we MEN would allow this particular attitude dominate the marriage. If it does, other challenges will be solved every time it springs up .

In my humble opinion, I think it should be a God Fearing Couple first, then follow by Sincere Love(when I mean sincere Love, I ain't talking about selfish partner; I'm talking about selfless partner), then COMMITMENT and Lastly TOTAL TOLERANCE. It has been proofed beyond every reasonable doubt that "LOVE" alone can not save a marriage. It has to be anchored on other rudiments mentioned above. LOVE is the foundation upon which every other ingredient of the marriage is built upon. All these can be rapped up in a single word called S-A-C-R-I-F-I-C-E.

Try it and come back here if it doesn't work. 5 years hands-on-experience in marriage no be joke now. Abi na joke? Glory be to Almighty God. To him all praises be directed to. On this foundation, my wife and I have built our marriage and I can tell you despite the raging storm, we are still very much intact by his grace. By his grace, we shall together paddle this canoe to the shore safely. (Amen)

Off I go. Lovely weekend to everyone[/size]

Challenges differ as individuals differ.What I deem a challenge may be silly to the next wife.When you do have a challenge,This phrase comes to mind,the title of the Oliver Goldsmith classic 'She Stoops To Conquer'(If you are the wife).I have found that selflessness and always taking everything to God has helped me in my own marriage.

Marriage is not a power tussle.Two captains can't stir a ship,there can be only one.
Marriage is not Physics,there's no FORMULA.If there is,it's COMPROMISE.

Hope I helped.

marriaga is not scary check this link Confiance en soi i think its change your mind thoughts about marriaga

I don't think u people understand where d poster is coming from. She wants examples of real life challanges u encountered in ur marriage and how u dealt with them. Not all this plenty talk.

It is scary world-wide! But if u don't follow the crowd, u always pull through.

lastest cat walk in town

Una no dey read

Topic- MARRIAGE CHALLENGES and HOW YOU DEALT WITH IT

Meaning- tell us the challenge first, i.e, the tory that started/showed the problem,
then tell us how you dealt with it.

Easy.

Like I posted,what is a challlenge forme might be silly to the next person.

The most difficult challenges in marriages are:

1. Infidelity and betrayal of trust.

2. Financial problems.

3. Childlessnes.

4. Poor communication skills.

5. Dealing with extended family members.

6. Balancing your professional and personal lives.

7. Lack of love, romance and appreciation.

8. Verbal and domestic abuse.

9. Medical problems and bodily changes.

10. Lack of a common set of value systems.


These are the top 10 I could think of.

There is only one way to deal with all the challenges in marriage. Communication. When you are in touch with your feelings and avoid denial or desperation in your life, the rest comes easy. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and self-confidence goes a long way. Make up your mind about how you want to deal with each issue and stick to your decisions after careful deliberations of course.

Rule #1
Honesty is always the best policy. You cannot live a life of deceit and expect a marriage to work. If you got married for the wrong reasons, you will most definitely get divorced or separated for the right reasons.

Goodluck.

Sorry nairalanders for sharing my own problem instead of contributing. In my own marriage of less than 2 years. i dont have a friend in my spouse, he is married to his job, prefers sharing his personal and family problems with is friends and anyone that cares to listen. i tried talking to him d last time, he said his job is demanding and i should understand that. Anytime he is at home, he spent most hours on phone calling his subordinates because of the nature of his job which requires supervision. I have stuff i will want to discuss with him, but he seems to be 2 busy. i am really running out of patience, because i feel this marriage is too early for me to be lonely. Moreover, i feel he doesn't care about my feelings, cos d last time, he told me he wants his mother to come and live with us permanently because his Dad is late. and we know it with mother in-laws. i am just scared, pls wat do u advice

biodell:

Sorry nairalanders for sharing my own problem instead of contributing. In my own marriage of less than 2 years. i dont have a friend in my spouse, he is married to his job, prefers sharing his personal and family problems with is friends and anyone that cares to listen. i tried talking to him d last time, he said his job is demanding and i should understand that. Anytime he is at home, he spent most hours on phone calling his subordinates because of the nature of his job which requires supervision. I have stuff i will want to discuss with him, but he seems to be 2 busy. i am really running out of patience, because i feel this marriage is too early for me to be lonely. Moreover, i feel he doesn't care about my feelings, cos d last time, he told me he wants his mother to come and live with us permanently because his Dad is late. and we know it with mother in-laws. i am just scared, pls wat do u advice

It is ok to share your problem with the world especially when you are anonymous to all.
Your marriage is less than 2 years old. You are married to a Nigerian man and it takes time for them to realize that they are no longer single.
Have your own exit strategy.
You cannot run out of patience in less than 10 years of marriage for you have not seen anything yet. Wait till the children arrive.
You are going to be lonely for the most part because marriage does not guarantee companionship contrary to popular beliefs.
Nigerian men especially, have a hard time expressing their feelings and I speak as one. It took a lot for me to learn how by a very patient and loving partner.
If he wants his mother to come and live permanently with you, then I must admit your husband is not working in your best interest.

But you are married and must face the music. Give it 10 years. Make sure you are always on top of things and in control of your home. Allow your mother-in-law in your home and try to make things work between all of you. Do not nag. Have a job and take care of yourself and your kids.

Have a life outside your marriage by maintaining a career and your own circle of friends so your husband does not feel you are needy. Look your best always, maintain your self-confidence, maintain a cheerful disposition always.

Let your actions speak louder than your words. Talk less but avoid allow your frustrations to affect other aspects of your life. If you drop dead this minute, your husband and the world will definitely move on. Take care of yourself. Most people only enjoy marriage after some 30 years. Your journey has only just begun. Winners never quit, for the next one will be no better for the grass is NEVER greener on the outside.

Blazay.

I am not an authority in this area but i have had 1st hand experience on many marriage challenges.

A friends less than 2 yrs marriage less than 2 years ooo) recently broke down due to communication gap caused by finance issues, this led to conjugal right denials and other hydra-headed miniature problems which finally snowballed into separation.

What I primarily observed in their case was that they failed to sit down and plan their finances, who contributes what, who spends what and on what and the frequency its to be spent on,

biodell:

Sorry nairalanders for sharing my own problem instead of contributing. In my own marriage of less than 2 years. i dont have a friend in my spouse, he is married to his job, prefers sharing his personal and family problems with is friends and anyone that cares to listen. i tried talking to him d last time, he said his job is demanding and i should understand that. Anytime he is at home, he spent most hours on phone calling his subordinates because of the nature of his job which requires supervision. I have stuff i will want to discuss with him, but he seems to be 2 busy. i am really running out of patience, because i feel this marriage is too early for me to be lonely. Moreover, i feel he doesn't care about my feelings, cos d last time, he told me he wants his mother to come and live with us permanently because his Dad is late. and we know it with mother in-laws. i am just scared, pls wat do u advice

he don't have time for you but he will want his mum to move in. who will take care of his mother. Maybe the mother will saty in that house till further notice. If I were you the day his mother will move in I will move out nonsense!!!! Then let him marry his mother. Which kind mental torture be that?

rubi:

he don't have time for you but he will want his mum to move in. who will take care of his mother. Maybe the mother will saty in that house till further notice. If I were you the day his mother will move in I will move out nonsense!!!! Then let him marry his mother. Which kind mental torture be that?

na african man way of torture

biodell:

Sorry nairalanders for sharing my own problem instead of contributing. In my own marriage of less than 2 years. i dont have a friend in my spouse, he is married to his job, prefers sharing his personal and family problems with is friends and anyone that cares to listen. i tried talking to him d last time, he said his job is demanding and i should understand that. Anytime he is at home, he spent most hours on phone calling his subordinates because of the nature of his job which requires supervision. I have stuff i will want to discuss with him, but he seems to be 2 busy. i am really running out of patience, because i feel this marriage is too early for me to be lonely. Moreover, i feel he doesn't care about my feelings, cos d last time, he told me he wants his mother to come and live with us permanently because his Dad is late. and we know it with mother in-laws. i am just scared, pls wat do u advice

As anyone pass through this phase before in their marriage? Kindly open up, your advise can heal a hurting soul.

@poster,

As many people have talked about the CHALLENGES, let me chip in one or two things about the SOLUTIONS (DEALING WITH CHALLENGES).

I think staying close to God like many have suggested is a wonderful idea. God can do all things. I only wonder if BENNY HINN, PAULA WHYTE, and a host of other men and women of God whose marriages have crumbled did not stay close to Him.

The truth is that this issue goes beyond prayers. Both parties have to also work hard to keep the marriage working.

If u are a born-again wife, and u do not respect your husband, you do not satisfy his libido, u do not give him food (both physical & spiritual), u nag at all times, u hate his mother and don’t want to see his relatives call him (or ask him for help, when other people helped to raise him before u met him), you (AND NOT GOD) are the one ruining your marriage.

If u re a man, u abandon your marital responsibilities, keep late hours & return home drunk, you are not there for the family, u beat your wife, u do not keep the long tail b/w your legs; you create room to distrust, and worse you did not tell her the truth about your source of wealth b/4 u married her (e.g 419, armed robber etc), God will NOT come down to do it for u. U will surely destroy your marriage.

Besides, there is need for wisdom. Many marriages have already collapsed b/c of simple reasons other marriages have handled wisely. In all, there is no handbook for marriage. Only love, communication, common interest/common values can hold it. Prayer will strengthn all these.