Help me!

Hello nairalanders,call me rizzla for privacy's sake. I am a Nigerian male,20 years of age, intelligent, beautiful-minded and I'm dying! I've always been the weird kid,the black sheep,the different one,I've always not know how to talk to people,how to socialize,how to make friends ever since I was younger I have always unconsciously isolated myself I don't know why but I always did.

When I got quite older I started cutting people off my life, people I love, people that loved me... everyone,with every passing day I was more alone than the last day. The final straw that broke the camel's back was the time I was given admission to study Mechanical engineering in a Nigerian University. I finished my clearance and school resumed,only that I didn't resume with it,I had no friends,and no way to make one,I always felt awkward...weird!

On my first day attending lectures,I got to the hall and the number of people who I saw left me stunned,it was as if every single person in the hall was connected to my energy and kept sapping it away,with every passing moment I felt weak. WEAK!!! I convinced myself it was stress and all that stuffs but with every visit to the halls,every visit to my course advisers office,every visit outside of my lodge I felt my energy level drop,I felt weak,useless,worse than dead! Sometimes I wouldn't step outside my lodge for weeks upon weeks because I was afraid,ashamed, humiliated, embarrassed by what I don't know!!! It was so bad that even merely thinking of "people" would trigger my panic attacks.

This kept happening until after the first semester exams which I did very very badly! Second semester came and I couldn't even register a single course,every single day,I would curl up in my bed and feel the life force get drawn out of me,every single day I would curl up in pains wondering why God that so much loves the world would see it befitting to create one of his precious humans like this...to be so afraid of commitment,so afraid of other humans! And the funny part was that nobody knew what I really felt,I always plastered a smile across my face every single time I was around someone (mostly because I hate sharing my problems and because I really value company)
Without necessarily saying, y'all should know second semester bleeped me up!!
I started this year with a resolution,that I would put an end to the Bleep ups of last year. But the moment I got back to school,the depression resumed!! Pains,anger, sadness,more pains, anxiety,more anxiety,pains,more sadness... Yesterday,I tried going to a class,I got outside the class and the bare noise I observed from where I was stunned me,I couldn't go on,so I sat under a tree and blasted some music,I just couldn't literally move!!!!
My family put a lot of hope and trust in me,but then they do not see their son for the broken young man that he is,they do not see the tears behind the smile,they do not see the pains in every word... I'm dying!! I need help!! This is a distress call!!!!!!!!!!


SOCIAL ANXIETY!!!
DEPRESSION!!!
PANIC DISORDER!!!

This is a very serious case!

First off, forgive your past, secondly embrace the loner in you, Not everyone is deserving of your time and friendship, thirdly, tell yourself you have to claim your own space. You deserve it, you are meant for and designed for your space. Just as others are finding and fitting into theirs, yours can not be left unoccupied. You might also get a professional who will talk to you and support you through your growth.

ahnie:
This is a very serious case!

yes

ahnie:
This is a very serious case!

yes it is

delishpot:
First off, forgive your past, secondly embrace the loner in you, Not everyone is deserving of your time and friendship, thirdly, tell yourself you have to claim your own space. You deserve it, you are meant for and designed for your space. Just as others are finding and fitting into theirs, yours can not be left unoccupied. You might also get a professional who will talk to you and support you through your growth.

I've tried, I've really tried but my life just keeps falling like a deck of cards...

Ok now you spamming on nairaland with this same trash on every section. Why maka why
[img]https:///view/confused-white-persian-guardian-why-gif-11908780.gif[/img]







Pukes

iTearHerToto:
Ok now you spamming on nairaland with this same trash on every section. Why maka why
[img]https:///view/confused-white-persian-guardian-why-gif-11908780.gif[/img]







Pukes

simple... because someone who may help is in one of these topics and I don't know which one.

psyrizzla:


I've tried, I've really tried but my life just keeps falling like a deck of cards...

It's not to try, it to know it as fact and consciously align with truth. One thing you must know is, everyone, both rich and poor have something they struggle with. Even all the prophets in all Holly books, even God himself had to deal with the mutiny of lucifer his beautiful angel whom he gave better and made more wonderful than the others. All things that be have problems or challenges that make them overwhelmed. You are not the first neither will be the last to experience things. So my dear, take it as a way of nature. Don't write yourself off at every stressful situation, don't fall lower than you already are, if all humans gave up when they met with problems the world wouldn't be what it is today. Even those rejected still fought till their end. Every thing that is must experience unwanted experiences that break their hearts from time to time in their lives. But you must recognise your position and like a true soldier stand and die at your post if need be in this school called life. Take time to pray often and work selfishly for your growth and development. You are here for you.... Not for others. So claim your space

delishpot:


It's not to try, it to know it as fact and consciously align with truth. One thing you must know is, everyone, both rich and poor have something they struggle with. Even all the prophets in all Holly books, even God himself had to deal with the mutiny of lucifer his beautiful angel whom he gave better and made more wonderful than the others. All things that be have problems or challenges that make them overwhelmed. You are not the first neither will be the last to experience things. So my dear, take it as a way of nature. Don't write yourself off at every stressful situation, don't fall lower than you already are, if all humans gave up when they met with problems the world wouldn't be what it is today. Even those rejected still fought till their end. Every thing that is must experience unwanted experiences that break their hearts from time to time in their lives. But you must recognise your position and like a true soldier stand and die at your post if need be in this school called life. Take time to pray often and work selfishly for your growth and development. You are here for you.... Not for others. So claim your space

thanks alot for this!