MY HORRIBLE SWIMMING EXPERIENCE.
PART ONE.

WHEN i was at a very tender age to my teen days, there was a river we called "KOGI" swimming became a hobby, i tried to learn how to swim by firstly playing at the river bank but i couldn't learn when the river began to migrate people to the land of the dead. I was ardently scorned to stop going to the river to swim. Me sef i no wan die. I stopped

Few years back, i was invited to a birthday party in which the venue was in a very big, sophisticated hotel premises. When i was giving the invitation card, I was already told that there would be swimming competition. Unknown to me, i started bragging superciliously that i can even swim in a deep OCEAN. I began to tell them how i was swimming when i was in primary school. I told them how a SHARK FISH wanted to swallow me and i dodged. One of my friends was even saying that i needed to teach him how to swim. All the guys were praising and hailing me. I was feeling like jet li. For my mind, i don chuk dem for inside bottle. I even told them that there was a time i immersed myself into the deep sea for 2hours. They shouted, moses, you na expert ooo. I told them that my grand father used to spend 37 hours swimming down the water without breathing. All the guys and babe were, o boyyy, your level no be here oooo. I come dey feel like james bond, like say jacki chan sef na learner for my side. To avoid bragging too much again.

The celebrant sent a cab to pick me at home. I went in dressed in an effigy style. I pick my swimming jersey and nicker. I Waited for the cab, he came and we headed straight to the birthday party.
To be continued.
Moses Jimba

MY HORRIBLE SWIMMING EXPERIENCE

PART TWO

ON getting to the hotel premises, i saw many guys dressed gorgeously, looking beautiful, handsome and accentuating like the way i was too. (Smiles).

While the D.J was playing the music, we were also dancing but inside me was a big prayer " GOD, PLEASE, LET THEM FORGET ABOUT THE SWIMMING". Untill the master of ceremony announced that in the next 10minutes, we were heading to the pool for the swimming competition. My mind cut, small fear catch me but i no gree show say i fear. I was still looking confident and courageous. When the time for the swimming reached, I was looking for a way of escape so I told them that whenever i want to swim, i will need like 10 chewing gum at once. Immediately, a lady dip hands in her purse and brought out 20 pieces of chewing gum. For my mind I was like "why is the devil so wicked?.

At this moment it was a competition between the babes and the guys. The babes picked me as their representative and they had put much hope on me sequel to my acts of braggadocio.

All my thoughts was that the pool wasn't that deep and the guys were like "why wuna go choose moses? Wuna won do ojoro, wuna select expert. Anyway, the guys summoned courage and picked their own representative.

Before we commenced, we were told that the pool is 890,000 feet-deep. Immediately i noticed how deep the pool was, cold come start to dey catch me, e com be like say na yellow fever and malaria dey do me. Oboyyyy, fear full my body oooo.

We were given rules guiding the game. We were to start immediately after the count of 10, my legs come begin dey shiver. Belle come start dey turn, come be like say i wan purge (na fear). I began to reminisce all the lies I told them. I wanted to confess that i didn't know how to swim but the babes were just shouting Moses!! Moses!! Moses!!. Na hin i tell mysef see as babes dey hail me, e better make i swim oooo. I was still hearing Moses!! Expert. Moses!! Expert.

Immediately after the count of 10, I jumped into the pool. My Bro. and Sis. That was how i went down to the pool oooo. I was already drawn, but they thought I was showing my expert-skills, after 2hours, they had to check me down the pool they brought me out and my stomach was looking like a 5years pregnancy.
When they brought me out, they started hitting my stomach with stones and sticks while i was vomiting water. That day i vomited 89 gallons of water. I wish I could just disappear with all my bragging, i can't even swim.

THE END
Moses Jimba

Lol! Very funny.

My own was Bar Beach. I drank all the water in the South Atlantic Ocean. I was saved and lay on the beach ashamed that everyone saw my majidun pata!

budaatum:

I once went swimming at Bar Beach and drank the ocean dry. When I was pulled out I said "what you all looking at?" And everyone laughed. I was embarrassed at everyone staring at my pata majidun, those multicoloured ones the mallahs used to wear when collecting sand at Majidun in those days.

budaatum:

I just saw myself drinking the water thinking "but I don full now". Next thing, I woke up lying on the beach with all these people starring at my pata majidun, which I was ashamed of. So I rudely asked, "what you all starring at?", and they all laughed. It was only later that I was informed that I'd deprived everyone from swimming in the ocean because I'd drank it all up. They'd had to press it all out of my stomach!

budaatum:
Lol! Very funny.

My own was Bar Beach. I drank all the water in the South Atlantic Ocean. I was saved and lay on the beach ashamed that everyone saw my majidun pata!

abeg, move this to the front page