Leaked US diplomatic cables released by Wikileaks revealed that Anglo-Dutch oil giant Shell, has spies at the Nigerian Ministry of Petroleum Resources, giving it access to vital decisions on the future of the oil-rich Niger Delta.

This release confirms long-held suspicions that Shell’s pudgy, oily finger is responsible for stirring up unrest across this region. Despite billions of dollars in oil revenue, communities in Niger-Delta live in abject poverty while Nigerian politicians and foreign oil companies go smiling to the bank.

On December 14, 2010, the Nigerian Minister of Petroleum Resources, Mrs. Deizani Alison-Madueke announced the results of the massive witch-hunt launched as a result of the Wikileaks release.

Speaking at a press conference at the Federal Secretariat in Abuja, Honourable Alison-Madueke announced that Ministry staff were subjected to a surprise search using rented full body airport scanners. In addition, ministry staff had to swear their innocence on the heads of their first children or mothers, using the Koran, the Bible or an amulet covered cow horn.

The search took an unexpected turn after a Nigerian State Secret Service (SSS) officer seized a package of roasted groundnuts from a man. While the SSS officer was snacking on the confisticated groundnuts, he discovered that the paper used as a wrapper was a recent official document just issued by the Honourable Minister the day before.

Following a friendly water boarding-free interrogation at the SSS headquarters, the man admitted that he worked for Shell and came to the Ministry for his weekly visit with the groundnut seller, Mama Blessing. The groundnut seller would then wrap his groundnuts with documents stolen from Ministry offices. Mama Blessing confirmed the allegations, saying that she has been spying for Shell in exchange for US green cards for members of her family.

When contacted by Wazobia Report, the Public Relations Officers for Shell and the American consulate in Nigeria declined to comment on this latest development.

A staff at the consulate, Miss X, agreed to speak to Wazobia Report. She stated, “The United States has no interest whatsoever in any oil dealings in Nigeria. The United States’ future is in green alternative energy and any involvement in Nigeria is simply on compassionate humanitarian grounds.”

During this interview, the American woman’s nose grew noticeably longer and eventually sprouted an olive branch. A flustered Miss X explained to the surprised reporter that she had a genetic disorder known as the Pinocchio Syndrome.

- Reporting for Wazobia Report, Ms. Waka-Waka.

funny

Is this supposed to be taken in with seriousness or you're just being 5tupid about a very serious issue?