It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Bleep him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."


A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."


A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um , no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea, "

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"


This long line of people are queueing up to get served in a shop. Suddenly one bloke starts massaging the person in front's back. The other bloke immediately turns round and says to him, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The bloke behind tells him, "Well, I'm a chiropractor and I can't help myself. I can't help practicing my art."

"Are you crazy?" says the bloke in front, "I'm a lawyer, but do you see me f**king the bloke in front of me?"


Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking,

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million, "

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support, "

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details, "

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company, I came to hook up your phone."

Thanks!!!

my day has been made

WAKA or STAY?
WAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
These Na old Jokes. No hard feelings pls

Too long and dry like IBO people


*No Ofience*

yinkalink, evendo its a copy and paste thing, it should av been done neatly and professional.

Thanks to every1. @studio, ur obsession with ibo people is becoming boring, pls could u find another thing or tribe to bicker about. And this is "offense" not "ofiense'

your ADVICE sweet pass ur joke,keep it up.

*chuckles*

yinkalink:

Your obsession with ibo people is becoming boring

Thanks jor

Just stating the obvious

lol
Yinkus is your Boyfriend IBO?

Hahaha very funny.

Is this a joke?

It's too long pls. .we ain't got all day.

Few lines and the punch line(s) to drive it in would do. Thanks.

Would kip that in mind,thanks too. Now that's what I call positive criticism.

I like ur open minded spirit, very rare in this section. .some shallow minds would rather take it as an insult. .

heck dem haters! lol

Aye Aye!!!

Av seen some of d jokes b4, but they're still funny

Where is the joke?

I laff in gibberish

Bin xpecting you stud,should I borrow You my sense of humor

how would he start with it when he hasn't used one?

It comes with a complete set of manuals(in ibo language of course)

hehe

funny joke,well dan!

Thanks

eldav:

hehe

funny joke,well dan!

Guy u are a big suspect.

A suspect? What did do oh lee-sir?

I still dey find the joke

Just when i thut u wouldn't need my sense of humor again,u pull a stunt like this.

what kinda stunt? so when one jumps down from the table we should applaud him for pulling a stunt? lol

maybe next time we would lay a mat for him to land or better still give him a ladder.

We'll do that and still will get insulted by him. We just ve 2 accept him 4 who he is.

Tehehehehe

accept wetin? unto what benefit?