Things People Actually Said In Court - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| Things People Actually Said In Court by Scorpio(f): 4:20am On Jan 24, 2006 |
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ______________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by bebe6(f): 4:43am On Jan 24, 2006 |
OMG @ the people in the world today!!!!!!!!!! ________________flatline___________________ |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by vichel(m): 10:16am On Jan 24, 2006 |
  Noooo,its impossible this can't be true or real, or is it. But any way, definitely LMAO  |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by hotangel2(f): 11:28am On Jan 24, 2006 |
I was going to bed jejely.. when i saw this thread. OLUWA Ooooo I have tears in my eyes.. cattarh in my nose.. and im still laughing while i type. I can't even choose the best reply given.. But daing!!! I will read this everyday. Ohhh bugger.. this is HILARIOUS!!!!!! Oluwa ooo... i'll deff sleep laughing!! these smilesys suck at expressing human feelings. I'm realy rotflmao [img]http://69.64.38.208/graphics/s/rotflmao.gif[/img] [img]http://69.64.38.208/graphics/s/rotflmao.gif[/img] [img]http://69.64.38.208/graphics/s/rotflmao.gif[/img] [img]http://69.64.38.208/graphics/s/rotflmao.gif[/img] [img]http://69.64.38.208/graphics/s/rotflmao.gif[/img] [img]http://69.64.38.208/graphics/s/rotflmao.gif[/img] |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by Scorpio(f): 12:41am On Jan 25, 2006 |
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| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by charla(f): 5:19pm On Nov 08, 2006 |
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by dabby(f): 8:01pm On Oct 20, 2007 |
that was freaking hilarious |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by Migines(m): 8:37pm On Oct 20, 2007 |
LawYERS ALWAYS want you to say everything urself not just imply. |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by mailmalc(m): 3:15am On Oct 21, 2007 |
| how weird |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by clemcykul(f): 11:46am On Oct 22, 2007 |
@hot-angel catarrgh in ur nose  no tell me say u still dey lick catarrgn like tata  |
| Re: Things People Actually Said In Court by Aiphie(f): 3:24pm On Oct 22, 2007 |
LOL .This is embarassing. |
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