Just thot i'd scribble something here, hmmmnnn how do i start this, okay here goes;

As i sat by the waters,
away from the tortures of my own thots,
and lost in the enthralling view before me,
I watched as the palms danced and whistled in the glistenening sun.
and also as winds blew against their swaying fronds.

As i watched and studied them, a jealousy engulfed me.
" Why couldn't i be like them,O lucky palms."
without voices yet they whispered and the waters seemed to hear them.

Speaking of which "The Waters!"

Shiny Shimmery Waters.
How do they do it?
Slapping the shores, wherewhich i sat,
with a fierce gentleness,
yet they did not go past the shores
as though they were in agreeance with each other.

I watched in sheer astonishment.

The waters just kept going to and fro,
to and fro,
like the pendulum in a clock.
Its motion timeless.

It surged forth with a raging fierceness suddenly,
and i was jolted out of my reverie as the waters kissed the shores,
and slapped my feet.

I sighed as it beat a retreat.

All the while i sat there watching and dreaming
my mind had conjured a music,
not heard, of the ears ,
but of the heart.

And as the waters raced forth and back,
the palms and their fronds whistling and tangoing with the winds,
my spirit became stirred.

And i swayed from the inside,
i swayed a little to much,
a little too less,
because the palms stopped to look at me.
The waters lay still, and the winds siezed its breeze.
I was left all alone, in my mental soliloquy.

The silence was shattering to my ears,
but my heart heard the music,and i danced,
and danced,
my heart twisted and turned,



,





A tear forms at a corner of my eye,
who will shed it for me?

all my emotions come to the fore,
as i remembered her,
the girl of my heart;

She who swayed me and
sang to my heart.
She who took me up high
and brought me down low
She was there with me in the middle also.

I remember love,
and how sweet it was,
and how it now hurts.

I remember the nights
when i clung to her,
and when i hugged my pillow.

I remember the days,
i was king,
and days when i crawled.

I remember remember,
as a tear forms at the corner of my eyes,
who will shed it for me?

you would take an audience out with the starting but by the time you're midway thru', i'm sure very many would'a lost you. . .
i dig your cipher, the message is clear and very stimulating but the length of this poem takes the shine off the much better features. . .
you have a pretty flexible use of the english vocab which is very admirable c'uz it smacks ingenuity and the spontaneity of illustrated outbursts adds to the originality of the entire piece; the li'l sprinkling of "choice" words here and there helped a great deal too.
but then i feel you're a bit guilty of limiting yourself in terms of "word usage". i like the end though (doubt if a lot of people would have read it that far) - rounded off with flourish!

nice work man!

Well then (RuuDie) Mr. Critique , please take no offence at my calling you Mr Critique,

I take in good faith, your seemingly expert criticsm of my "work" and i sort of heave a sigh!
However i would really like to know if you are an "expert critique", not that it would matter. I just want to know.
Maybe we could start a writer-crtitique relationship.
Anyways it was nice to know you stayed till the end of the script. Thanx - a - much.

P.s. It was a sponteaneous work, a write-as-it-comes type of work.

O lest i forget to add, the poem is a two in one, i just read it over once more my self and i realised it looked like one long boring litany, my bad, Mr Critique pls do reply, Thanx, i guess u have some poems or writings also i'd check them out to feel your lyrical veracity or fierceness as the case may be.

well twitch,

i'm not a pro critique, poet or any of such in the literary field; just love looking at others people's works and highlighting those things i would/wouldn't have done if it was my work. . . . .

basically, its just all IMHO. . . . my sincere apologies if u felt slighted in any way!

Hey iice thanks for the comments , how do i take a bow up in ere?

You're far too kind

Mr RuuDie, i took,take and shall take no offence.