Hey guys! I completed this story a while ago and I shared it on Tushstories.com, I was a little hesitant about sharing it on nairaland because the last story I shared on nairaland was heavily plagiarized, but I've decided to share it with you guys today

please constructive criticism will be highly appreciated!

Synopsis: A young man is forced to live in the shadow of his twin brother who is more handsome, intelligent and popular than he could ever dream of. His desire to outshine his twin brother results in an unimaginable tragedy.

Part 1

1

You're the best, that's what you were told all your life. The handsomest, the smartest, the tallest, the best runner, the best dancer, the most creative. You excelled at everything you did. Mama nicknamed you Midas, because everything you touched turned to gold. She never criticized you, because you threw a tantrum whenever she did. You were her golden boy, the apple of her eyes. Not because you reminded her of Papa, but because you were everything she'd ever wished for. You made her proud, you made her friends envious of her. You won academic awards and local talent shows, parents drew comparisons between you and their children at the slightest chance they got, "Be like Obinna" was the slogan of every parent in Odi community. When you turned sixteen, you grew a beard,  got taller and became twice as handsome. You never had to work hard to get any girl you wanted, they threw themselves at you left, right, center. The prettiest girls who turned down every guy that dared to approach them, begged you to answer their calls and respond to their texts. I was tired of living in your shadow, but what could I do? I wasn't half as handsome, smart or talented as you were. I was overweight and I struggled to get average grades. All the girls I liked were in love with you. Even Amanda who made me feel special for a whole term, told me she had a crush on you the day I finally summoned courage to tell her about my feelings for her. I was heartbroken that day and I resented you for weeks. I won't lie, I envied you a lot. I always wondered why God chose to endow you with so much beauty and talent and made me average at best. We were twins for crying out loud, not identical, but we ought to have had an equal share of everything. I'd always felt inferior to you since we were as little as five. And you didn't make it any easier for me, you took great pleasure in telling me how great you were. You never missed an opportunity to criticize my bulging eyes, pot belly and bow legs, you never failed to use the fact that you were everyone's favourite as an advantage against me. With pure relish, you told me tales about your escapades with the girls I liked. I always acted like it didn't hurt but it did. You knew I was jealous of you and it gave you a sort of power over me. You knew exactly how to change my mood and I hated it.

2
We graduated from high school in July 2009 at the age of seventeen. As everyone had expected, you were the best graduating student, I on the other hand, was not even in the top 20. I watched with envy as you delivered your well prepared speech with enthusiasm to the amazement of everyone in the hall. A thunderous applause erupted the moment you concluded the speech and bowed before the audience. Mama had watched with pride and joy and had burst into tears when the principal handed you a carefully wrapped parcel and a certificate which clearly stated that you'd graduated from Kingswill High School with the best grades. Mama had slaughtered a ram and a fat cock that evening to celebrate your achievements. The graduation party ought to have been thrown for both us because we both graduated, but apparently, you were the only one worth celebrating. Mama had invited all her friends and our neighbors, including Mama Nonso, who never missed a chance to compare both of us.

"You what did you graduate with?" was the first thing that popped out of her wide mouth the moment she caught sight of me sipping Coca Cola at a corner. Everyone's gaze shifted to me and I desperately wanted to disappear.

"I did my best... I didn't fail any subject." I muttered, avoiding their prying eyes. Mama Nonso chuckled mockingly.

"It would have been great if you and your twin brother... "

"That's enough!" I yelled, much to her surprise. Everyone looked at me like I was going crazy. I ignored the shock on their faces and continued. "I'm sick and tired of you and everyone else comparing me to my twin brother. We're both very different okay?"

I dashed to our room and banged the door as hard as I could. I grabbed a pillow, buried my chubby face in it and sobbed. I stayed in the room for the rest of the evening. You came in after dinner and even though I looked depressed, you didn't care. All you cared about was opening the presents you received from the principal and the party guests. You plopped down on the bed and began tearing apart your wrapped parcels. I turned to face the wall and pretended to be asleep so you wouldn't see the jealousy on my face.

To be continued!

3

Three months after graduation, we were both admitted to Jacob Olatokunbo University, the most prestigious federal university in the country. You were given your first choice course of study, Mechanical engineering and to my surprise, I was given my first choice too, Banking and finance. With Mama's help, we rented a small room off campus and we finally left Odi community, excited about what the future had in store for us and determined to face our studies squarely. Our first year in the university was no different than the years we'd spent at Kingswill high school. You were same old Obinna; charming, popular and extremely arrogant. And I was same old Obiora; shy, reserved and unattractive. Girls flocked in and out of our room so frequently that anyone who didn't know us would assume that we operated a hair salon in our room. Numerous times, I had to leave the room so you could do as you pleased with your pretty female visitors. Although, I secretly longed to be in your shoes, I buried myself in my books and got excellent grades during my first year. You got excellent grades too, as a matter of fact, your grades were better than mine even though you spent seventy percent of your time clubbing with your new friends and messing around with girls. The fact that you got good grades so effortlessly while I had to work hard for mine, made me feel inferior and even angry. I'll never understand why God didn't bless us with the same brain. Mama had been elated when we returned home for the holidays and told her about our results, she was surprised that I did so well. She hugged me and told me to keep it up, but she showered praises on you. I watched with my mouth agape when you told her fabricated tales about how you spent all your time in the classroom and library. She giggled when you narrated several untrue stories about how you turned down the numerous girls who were in desperate need of your attention. I rolled my eyes when she praised you for being a disciplined young man.

4

Our second year was very much like our first year. Books, girls, alcohol and parties for you. Books, books, books and fellowship for me. You'd gotten quite a reputation on campus. You were a well known ladies man. Girls and relationships meant nothing to you. To you, girls were nothing but cheap sex objects who could be gotten easily with as little as a smile, a nice outing or a few wads of cash. You never missed an opportunity to voice your disdain for serious relationships and commitments. Why should you settle with one girl when could have all of them? The ease with which you got girls made it almost impossible for you to fall in love, neither you nor I believed you were capable of falling in love— until she came along. Ajoke, the charismatic medical student who moved into our hostel during the end of our second year. She wasn't pretty but she was curvier than a Latina swimsuit model. But that was not what made you drawn to her. You fell for her because she was incredibly smart and outspoken, she never tried to impress anyone, she minded her business and unlike most of the girls you'd come across, she had self respect. You'd tried to woo her on the first day you met her at the common room, you weren't interested in having a relationship with her then, you just wanted to have sex with her. All the other girls you'd slept with had jumped into bed with you after a few sweet words, but Ajoke seemed immune to your charm and sugar coated tongue. She gave you the embarrassment of your life that day and your ego had been severely crushed after the encounter. You'd stormed into the room looking shocked and downcast and although you'd tried your best to hide the shame and embarrassment you felt, it was plastered vividly on your face as you narrated the whole ordeal to me. I'd laughed so hard that night, my stomach ached from laughing. You'd flung a pillow at me and threatened to tickle my pot belly and for the first time in a long time, I felt like your brother.

Interesting

Well done OP

You have a beautiful story going here but I think you can do more with giving us your readers more details about your characters. These are interesting characters that could be developed and brought more to life. But it seems you’re rushing the story.

Also, I notice you’re telling the story from a first persons point of view (POV) Obiorah in this case. But why does it feel like he’s writing a letter to his twin brother? There’s no dialogue.

That’s my take. Overall it’s a great story!

Plus what’s the title?

gracile:
You have a beautiful story going here but I think you can do more with giving us your readers more details about your characters. These are interesting characters that could be developed and brought more to life. But it seems you’re rushing the story.

Also, I notice you’re telling the story from a first persons point of view (POV) Obiorah in this case. But why does it feel like he’s writing a letter to his twin brother? There’s no dialogue.

That’s my take. Overall it’s a great story!

Thanks a lot for giving your honest opinion! I would have loved to develop the characters but this is a short story (less than 4000 words), so it's a fast-paced story, I actually wrote it for a short story contest but I ended up submitting another one

As for the POV (a character seemingly telling the story to another character, instead of the audience) I actually learned that from another story and I liked it because it's a little innovative. It is actually the second person's POV, in which the reader is made a character (Obinna in this case), and in this case, the narrator is also a character in the story (Obiora). It is rarely used in literature because it can result in confusion.
There's a little dialogue in chapter 2, and there's more in subsequent chapters . As for the title, it's boldly written as the title of this post na (Blood - a short story by Grace O. )

Ann2012:
Interesting

Well done OP

Thanks

mhizgracie22:

Thanks a lot for giving your honest opinion! I would have loved to develop the characters but this is a short story (less than 4000 words), so it's a fast-paced story, I actually wrote it for a short story contest but I ended up submitting another one

As for the POV (a character seemingly telling the story to another character, instead of the audience) I actually learned that from another story and I liked it because it's a little innovative. It is actually the second person's POV, in which the reader is made a character (Obinna in this case), and in this case, the narrator is also a character in the story (Obiora). It is rarely used in literature because it can result in confusion.
There's a little dialogue in chapter 2, and there's more in subsequent chapters . As for the title, it's boldly written as the title of this post na (Blood - a short story by Grace O. )

Okay it’s cleared now thanks for taking your time to explain

gracile:


Okay it’s cleared now thanks for taking your time to explain

You're welcome dear

5
During our third year, you intensified your efforts to get Ajoke. You told your friends that you just wanted a taste of her enormous hips but that was just a white lie you told to protect your image as a renowned player. You couldn't bring yourself to admit that you were in love with her. You'd been friends with her for over three months but she still wasn't showing any sign of romantic interest in you. It made you mad. Who was she? Was she prettier than the girls who spread their legs for you on the first day they met you? Why was she so stubborn? You helped her fetch water, escorted her to her department, assisted her with chores and showered her with gifts but she was still as impenetrable as an iron wall. You and I had begun to talk more often, you told me all about your struggles and I told you about mine. We helped each other prepare for tests and exams and we hung out frequently, you even introduced me to your friends which made me excited because I'd always thought you were ashamed of me. It was a thing of joy to experience brotherly love after such a long time. Unfortunately, that didn't last, things took a turn for the worst—and it was all because of her.
Visit https://talesbygrace..com to read the complete story for free!!!!

Haven't been on NL in a long while but on entering this section today, this short story attracted me. Nice one Op. I am patiently waiting for the next post

SurestG:
Haven't been on NL in a long while but on entering this section today, this short story attracted me. Nice one Op. I am patiently waiting for the next post

you can read the full story right now at https://talesbygrace..com/2020/03/blood-part-2-complete.html?m=1
Thanks!!

Read the full story @ https://talesbygrace..com and drop a comment ❤️