My people, i need advice on how to escape being a victim of a saying that ; one rich person among six other people that are poor, they are togetherly poor.
I am the only son and in-between two female siblings that are not doing well at all, i am 29 and planning to marry by next year but whenever i remember the enormous task of improving the living standard of my parents and two sisters, i'm always overwhelmed with thoughts and worries. Its not that i'm comfortable yet but i can feed myself and manage to save up 30k monthly while am still trying to expand my business to attain at least 100k monthly savings before the year ends, but the thought of how to help my family and who to start with beats me all the time.
So if you have been through this successfully, kindly help with tips. My babe is understanding and she is also my dream girl i don't want to loose her due to lack of desired attention because of my family needs, she needs me too.
I can't even dare tell them that am courting already.

Family comes first and then your gal. Try to balanced the equation btw both, while on that don't displease yourself or forsake your Family.

Just keep pushing.
Do the things you can and as at when you can.
Do not exert too much pressure on yourself, you didn't commit any crime.

Naanlong01:
My people, i need advice on how to escape being a victim of a saying that ; one rich person among six other people that are poor, they are togetherly poor.
I am the only son and in-between two female siblings that are not doing well at all, i am 29 and planning to marry by next year but whenever i remember the enormous task of improving the living standard of my parents and two sisters, i'm always overwhelmed with thoughts and worries. Its not that i'm comfortable yet but i can feed myself and manage to save up 30k monthly while am still trying to expand my business to attain at least 100k monthly savings before the year ends, but the thought of how to help my family and who to start with beats me all the time.
So if you have been through this successfully, kindly help with tips. My babe is understanding and she is also my dream girl i don't want to loose her due to lack of desired attention because of my family needs, she needs me too.
I can't even dare tell them that am courting already.

Law of survival is you first

If you keep waiting for approval and also your sisters, you will not get there on time

Every human being has his own timing on earth

You are the only son, if you don't start early, by the time you start, you may be running late remember no one will assist you unless otherwise

Leave your sisters, they can as swell start life with a bigginer too

Time waits for no one

Make up you mind

Your sisters will sort themselves in as much as you won't go to then to beg for food

frozen70:


Law of survival is you first

If you keep waiting for approval and also your sisters, you will not get there on time

Every human being has his own timing on earth

You are the only son, if you don't start early, by the time you start, you may be running late remember no one will assist you unless otherwise

Leave your sisters, they can as swell start life with a bigginer too

Time waits for no one

Make up you mind

Your sisters will sort themselves in as much as you won't go to then to beg for food

Thank you and God bless you. Its not easy being in my position. I now perfectly understand why my uncle, the only male child of my mum's siblings went far away from home without looking back after he got married over ten years ago. The funniest thing is that, all his family including my mum beleives his wife turned his back against his family which is wrong.

You never stand and you don dey already reason marriage.
E be like na fùck you come fùck for this world.

Naanlong01:

Thank you and God bless you. Its not easy being in my position. I now perfectly understand why my uncle, the only male child of my mum's siblings went far away from home without looking back after he got married over ten years ago. The funniest thing is that, all his family including my mum beleives his wife turned his back against his family which is wrong.

Exactly

Take a decision
Stand on it
Be firm and accomodating

Naanlong01:

Thank you and God bless you. Its not easy being in my position. I now perfectly understand why my uncle, the only male child of my mum's siblings went far away from home without looking back after he got married over ten years ago. The funniest thing is that, all his family including my mum beleives his wife turned his back against his family which is wrong.

Don't ever turn your back on your family no matter what!
How about helping your sisters to stand on their own? A business? Skill acquisition?

Naanlong01:

Thank you and God bless you. Its not easy being in my position. I now perfectly understand why my uncle, the only male child of my mum's siblings went far away from home without looking back after he got married over ten years ago. The funniest thing is that, all his family including my mum beleives his wife turned his back against his family which is wrong.

A lady is advising you to ignore your family and you are smiling, this same lady will do anything to uplift her own family, use your head, you are where you are today for a reason, in life, never, I repeat, never joke with your bloods, they are all you got.

Now my advise for you is to balance things, you are 29, still very young, look for ways to help your sisters stand their ground, you can fund a little biz for them, life is all about sacrifices, not every time we do things that pleases us, sometimes we just have to discomfort ourselves to make sure our loved ones are okay.

Think!

Mariangeles:

Don't ever turn your back on your family no matter what!
How about helping your sisters to stand on their own? A business? Skill acquisition?

No one is turning back against family here. What i come here to do is seek for insightful contribution on the best way to create a source of income that will be ok for the four of them instead of sending money monthly as this is simply unsustainable because i have my own life to live, family to raise too. If the grand plan is to turn my back against them there won't be any need of coming here at all. I can never turn my back against my family especially my mum, am only concerned about making them financially independent since i tend to be the only child they look upto for now. Thanks for your contribution though.

Op, I'm in similar situation as u, just sm little differences differ us, nd I must admit I'm as convince as u are.

Will tag along 2 see if I can as well benefit 4rm potential advises nd suggestions.

Naanlong01:


No one is turning back against family here. What i come here to do is seek for insightful contribution on the best way to create a source of income that will be ok for the four of them instead of sending money monthly as this is simply unsustainable because i have my own life to live, family to raise too. If the grand plan is to turn my back against them there won't be any need of coming here at all. I can never turn my back against my family especially my mum, am only concerned about making them financially independent since i tend to be the only child they look upto for now. Thanks for your contribution though.

What you'll do is to call your sisters and ask them the kind of business they would like to go into to help support your mum, then see how you can contribute to that. That way, they too can help lift some weight off your shoulders.
God will always bless and make a way for you.

Mariangeles:


What you'll do is to call your sisters and ask them the kind of business they would like to go into to help support your mum, then see how you can contribute to that. That way, they too can help lift some weight off your shoulders.
God will always bless and make a way for you.

Now you have just mentioned my worst fear, business! My elder sister though living under a man not married to and with two kids has on her own tried at least three businesses that never succeeded, mum on the other hand has tried provision and food stuff when i was just growing up but at last she packed up and currently she is selling petty provisions again in less than two years she is has incured 50k debt from whom she buys goods, note: i just got to know about the debt last week and had to tell her to stop the business while i try offsetting the bill gradually every month. So this made me conclude that they both aren't cut out for business.

Naanlong01:


Now you have just mentioned my worst fear, business! My elder sister though living under a man not married to and with two kids has on her own tried at least three businesses that never succeeded, mum on the other hand has tried provision and food stuff when i was just growing up but at last she packed up and currently she is selling petty provisions again in less than two years she is has incured 50k debt from whom she buys goods, note: i just got to know about the debt last week and had to tell her to stop the business while i try offsetting the bill gradually every month. So this made me conclude that they both aren't cut out for business.

Your sisters can earn incomes. They are not handicapped. Your intended wife can also earn income. I’m assuming she’s not handicapped.

The only person whom you should truly consider as a responsibility in terms of providing for is your mom in case she gets older and unable to work or trade.

This life is hard on everyone and you shouldn’t bear the burden alone. While you’re planning with them in your mind as people you’ll have to cater for, are they also planing with you in mind to help you or are they just relaxed waiting for you to come be their source of livelihood?

Your goal of making them financially independent won’t work if you’re only able to save 30k a month.
Businesses need big capital to sustain them. I doubt you on your own can even run a sustainable long term business unless you come across some substantial money right now.

Don’t go and die for nothing.

cleish:
Family comes first and then your gal. Try to balanced the equation btw both, while on that don't displease yourself or forsake your Family.

When he marries her, she also becomes his family and also comes first along with other family members. In fact, she comes first before them.

They are your family and you need to help them as much as you can. But don't let them blackmail you emotionally and make you feel like you are the solution to their every needs and wants.

They should be happy for you that you want to settle down except they feel entitled to your money and are scared that they won't be getting as much attention.

Besides when you keep spoon feeding your sisters, they believe you will always be there to give them money. And it won't push them to fend for themselves.

Be diplomatic. Don't respond to every request so that they don't forever be dependent on you.

You need to be strong and firm or else your wife to be will be getting a lot of attacks from them.

Do what you can and save for the future. If your money happens to finish, they will shift attention. Be wise

Naanlong01:


Now you have just mentioned my worst fear, business! My elder sister though living under a man not married to and with two kids has on her own tried at least three businesses that never succeeded, mum on the other hand has tried provision and food stuff when i was just growing up but at last she packed up and currently she is selling petty provisions again in less than two years she is has incured 50k debt from whom she buys goods, note: i just got to know about the debt last week and had to tell her to stop the business while i try offsetting the bill gradually every month. So this made me conclude that they both aren't cut out for business.

Now, I understand where the frustration is coming from.
Your mum aside, have a serious discussion with your sisters.
Give them a time frame of when you want to start your own family, within which they can get any support they need from you to be established enough to stand on their own.
You can't keep giving them fish forever, they have to learn how to fish on their own.
You're not always going to be there, therefore, they should sit up and be serious.
As for your mum, a simple business of selling soft drinks and cheap wines, including collecting and supplying sachet water in bags will do. She doesn't need too much stress at this point.

cleish:
Family comes first and then your gal. Try to balanced the equation btw both, while on that don't displease yourself or forsake your Family.

Nope, once a man is married, the wife comes first.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Ellipsoid:

Nope, once a man is married, the wife comes first.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Is OP married? the guy you quoted said FAMILY comes first before GIRLFRIEND and you had to ship in your favorite Bible verse.

Mariangeles:


Now, I understand where the frustration is coming from.
Your mum aside, have a serious discussion with your sisters.
Give them a time frame when you want to start your own family, within which they can get any support they need from you to be established enough to stand on their own.
You can't keep giving them fish forever, they have to learn how to fish on their own.
You're not always going to be there, therefore, they should sit up and be serious.
As for your mum, a simple business of selling soft drinks and cheap wines, including collecting and supplying sachet water in bags will do. She doesn't need too much stress at this point.

OP should tell us if his family are in Rural or Urban areas, if his sisters are in Urban areas, he should make them acquire some skills since they are bad at trading, tailoring, hair dressing etc are good for ladies, he said one is living with q man, the man can help with some funds too.

if they are in rural areas, he should make them go into large scale farming, though stressful, they won't lack anything to eat.

cc: Naanlong01

Naanlong01:


Now you have just mentioned my worst fear, business! My elder sister though living under a man not married to and with two kids has on her own tried at least three businesses that never succeeded, mum on the other hand has tried provision and food stuff when i was just growing up but at last she packed up and currently she is selling petty provisions again in less than two years she is has incured 50k debt from whom she buys goods, note: i just got to know about the debt last week and had to tell her to stop the business while i try offsetting the bill gradually every month. So this made me conclude that they both aren't cut out for business.

So what is the man's contribution to her life. Or he's also depending on the money you send to her. You have to draw the line or you will forever be a prisoner of their requests.

Naanlong01:
My people, i need advice on how to escape being a victim of a saying that ; one rich person among six other people that are poor, they are togetherly poor.
I am the only son and in-between two female siblings that are not doing well at all, i am 29 and planning to marry by next year but whenever i remember the enormous task of improving the living standard of my parents and two sisters, i'm always overwhelmed with thoughts and worries. Its not that i'm comfortable yet but i can feed myself and manage to save up 30k monthly while am still trying to expand my business to attain at least 100k monthly savings before the year ends, but the thought of how to help my family and who to start with beats me all the time.
So if you have been through this successfully, kindly help with tips. My babe is understanding and she is also my dream girl i don't want to loose her due to lack of desired attention because of my family needs, she needs me too.
I can't even dare tell them that am courting already.

Where does your dad fall in all of this? Is he alive?

@Op,

You are doing very well to have everyone in mind,however it seems like you are taking on too much at a go.

My first thought would be to hold off marriage plans for now till things stabilise.

Unfortunately,any woman marrying you now is looking for trauma and misery,not because you are a bad person but because of the circumstances surrounding you .

Does your fiance have a job? Is she aware of the burden you are carrying? It must all be laid bare so she can choose if she wants to move forward or not. If you continue like this,all your earnings will go.to funding your mum and sisters and your wife's into the family. Would she accept and be happy with this?

Remember your mum has already made a comment about her brother and if you marry and move,she will feel abandoned and channel her ill will towards your wife.

Your sister is living with some man isn't she? If she's old enough to move in with a man,she is old enough to fend for herself without getting you involved with her own debts.

Why are you the one paying off the 50k she incurred?

You are not rich enough to settle them into any business ,they should be out there job hunting and not relying on you to play Jesus. You should only help.out when you can and if you have the ability,donate some money towards their business.They must make the effort.

Have a discussion with them and explain things.Then take the next 6 months to one year to play out this new pattern ,then go and marry if you can.

Bringing anyone's daughter into this scenario is just a nightmare waiting to happen.

Start drawing your boundaries now.

ImaIma1:


Where does your dad fall in all of this? Is he alive?

He is alive and they are living together. His own case is the worst, he is a federal government pensioner who prefers to drink alcohol and play bet with the token government still pays him monthly and come home to eat from the food mamma manages to cook without his penny in it as a contribution. Am not in the same state with them.

ImaIma1:


When he marries her, she also becomes his family and also comes first along with other family members. In fact, she comes first before them.

@OP

If you like, listen to stupid advise like this.

Your wife, no matter how much of an 'angel' she appears to be, will NEVER put you first before her own family - so if you like, you can choose to be as daft as your uncle and choose to make a woman (who can divorce you tommorow) a priority above your own siblings and parents. I can only wish you the best!

freecocoahubby:



@OP

If you like, listen to stupid advise like this.

Your wife, no matter how much of an 'angel' she appears to be, will NEVER put you first before her own family - so if you like, you can choose to be as daft as your uncle and choose to make a woman (who can divorce you tommorow) a priority above your own siblings and parents. I can only wish you the best!

I don't expect you to understand my comment. Hopefully the op is a Christian and must have stumbled upon that truth in the bible.

As for you, you can get married and treat your wife like an outsider or intruder. You will learn.

Unusual for me to venture outside my usual stomping grounds but I feel the need to say a few things. OP, you need to nip this in the bud or else it will perpetuate into the next generation and onward. You are not in a position to concurrently support your mother and sisters indefinitely. Your sisters need to figure out how to support themselves just like you have done for yourself. Nobody was born with skills and knowledge. Let them go learn a skill or get a job and figure this out themselves. If you continue to provide, they will never feel the need to go fend for themselves. This is the time for tough love, exactly like your uncle did. Never mind about what people will say about you. You need to do what is right not what feels right. Guess what, your Uncle has broken the cycle on his side of the family. He will be able to provide for his immediate family and then fend for himself in retirement. He will not be a burden to his children when he retires which gives his children an advantage in the future and frees their income to take care of their own families. This is how the cycle is broken.

As for you, its looking like you will need to be the sole provider for your mother indefinitely, if your sisters do not step up to the plate. How will she survive when she's older with no income? You are already at a disadvantage. Break the tie with your sisters so they can help themselves, help you and free their own children in the future. This is one way to break the vicious cycle of poverty and dependency.

Naanlong01:


He is alive and they are living together. His own case is the worst, he is a federal government pensioner who prefers to drink alcohol and play bet with the token government still pays him monthly and come home to eat from the food mamma manages to cook without his penny in it as a contribution. Am not in the same state with them.

Hmmmm...your father needs to step up and handle his responsibilities and not shift his role to you. But it seems like it's too late for that.

And if your sisters are above 21, they really need to get their acts together. Talk to them and make them understand that soon you will stop sending the monthly stipend.

Everyone needs to learn to earn for themselves. It's unfair to depend on one person.

Naanlong01:


He is alive and they are living together. His own case is the worst, he is a federal government pensioner who prefers to drink alcohol and play bet with the token government still pays him monthly and come home to eat from the food mamma manages to cook without his penny in it as a contribution. Am not in the same state with them.

Bro your case is very scary

This looks like something you'll get old at trying to stabilise everyone because it's almost looking like your dad and sisters have chosen the lazy approach to life.

Your mother is eager to do work but lacks the discipline. I feel your frustration sir and even i don't have a solution.

I can only beg you in Jesus name not to marry a woman who has similar traits as your sisters or a drive but no discipline like your mother ( much respect to her ), marry a financially stable woman who has her own source of income that is stable and appreciable. That way, you won't compound your problems from four dependent humans to 5 dependent humans.


Also, plan to have at most 3 kids, you can't support these your weak parents, sisters, your in-laws and then many kids.

Like i said, if you wait on these people to stabilize, you may end up old because it seems as a habit to them, not something that can break easily. They've conformed to it.

Mariangeles:

Don't ever turn your back on your family no matter what!
How about helping your sisters to stand on their own? A business? Skill acquisition?

Na you tok diswan? Is everything alright?

crackkhaus:

Na you tok diswan? Is everything alright?

Have I ever given you any contrary impression?