₦airaland Forum

Fabuloski:
I think you all should stop blackmailing people with this complete package and true love bullshit.
I am not in the mood to judge the op or anything, however I just want to tell that blackmailed guy once again that it's okay not to want a single mom with a her 'complete package'

Don't stress. Some brainwashed unfortunate simp would fall for it and when he is fully invested on the child, the real dad would just come along at any time and pick up the child. Don't also forget the child can tell the simp that "you are not my dad, you can't tell me what to do" when he tries to scold him.
It's a lose lose situation for whoever gets involved. You get to invest your recourses and/or emotions on a child whose upbringing you can't have a say on. You invest in a child whose dad (probably banging some other woman right now) can just zoom in and lay claims on.

But no no no logic here, so, Emotions.

nnamdibig:
You said you are setting up your business and upgrading yourself.
In that case, if you are truly looking for love, don't put your child in of the conditions for someone to love you(to avoid stories of he hates his step child or the real father has been disturbing my marriage).
Take care of your child through your business and if he loves the child along the line fine if not fine too. Look for love for yourself alone and let the lover know you have a child and not with condition to love your child also.

It seems op knows what she wants. She made the choice to post her desire: she wants someone that will love her and her child.

Why try to tell her to separate herself from her child or to hide her feelings of wanting someone that cares for them.

As a matter of fact I admire people like op who know what they want and are not afraid to go for it. They are the go getters.

So don't come here and give her that Naija mentality of women suppressing their desires which can be frustrating as it's very clear she's an emancipated woman.

Graxie:
It's called choice, those who are interested will reach out to her. There is nothing like blackmailing, she wasn't even looking for advice but for a soul mate when some people came in with their advice.

I know it's a choice, I am not forcing any options on anybody.

However, this rampant act of demeaning uninterested guys is terrible, I mean they are only trying to make sure they won't be a second priority for the rest of their life.

Any guy who is down for that though can easily make a choice without anyone questioning his decision just like the guy rejecting this shouldn't also be condemned.
Thanks

lovecode248:
Thanks on your view. Although I don't want too many discussion/drama in the direction you're going on this post
I am not vulnerable, self pited, desperate or lazy young woman looking for a man to shoulders all my problems.
Sorry about that. I know and believe there's someone out there who wouldn't mind to willingly offer what I stated above. Besides, it's just one person I'm looking for. Happy Sunday

That's what I'm talking about. God will bring your heart desires to fruition.

lovecode248:
Thanks so much

Is there any chance you will reconcile with the father of your child in the future?

That's why people are asking question about him.
If he's still alive, he might approach you with tears flowing and knowing how emotional women are, where does it leave the current husband?

Truth is: No matter the love a man has for you. No man will want to build his future on a shaky foundation.

It's a 50:50 chance. Some might call it delayed doomsday.

SweetCunt97:
Wetin u wan use the picture do? You haven't even started any conversation with d lady and your first request is picture? Na so fine face dey put una inside trouble.

Lol. Maybe dude didn't want to waste his time.

Beauty is one of the things men look for asides character.

SweetCunt97:
Did she say anything about d man taking care of her child with his resources? Or love now translates to money to you people? A man loving her kid now translates to him caring for d child with his resources?

She's a package deal, if you ain't cool with that, bounce.

You know you are lying but continue.

How can the man say he loves the child without his finance and goodwill being extended?

zedegit:
Lol. Maybe dude didn't want to waste his time.

Beauty is one of the things men look for asides character.

Toh. Na una sabi

mcdokwe:
Op, it is not like I'm judging you o,

Instead of looking for love in a package, why not reunite the child with her dad, that's with the assumption he would love her and take care of her, then go and search for your love. As much as we pretend to be liberal, Nigerian men as still very much traditional and conservative. Eight in ten men who welcome single mothers' children in their new relationships are mostly those in search of children or too old to get other young girls they may want to marry, it is only the other too who connect to the beautiful souls of those mothers, I pray you have such a soul and your mate connects you.

Forget all that I wrote up there, my main concern is with the child and her having a relationship with her dad.

Because,
Just like you, the mother of my child held on to her, denying me a place in her life.

Just like you, she is 29.
Just like your child, my daughter is six.
And here I am, wanting to love and care for my child, and maybe she's out there hoping for someone who would love my own child, the love I am not even allowed to give her and I am wondering who would love my child as much as I do.

what a coincidence...


A lady will only do what the mother of your child is doing if you parted with her in bad terms(you didn't marry her). Nothing hurts a lady like that,they will feel you have messed up their lives by putting them in a place where few men will consider committing to them,a place of ridicule and judgement,while you move on with your life freely and will never face ridicule like them.
They begin to resent you for it.

I always advice guys who impregnate girls to tell her to keep the baby IF and only IF:
1)They will marry them
2)If the girl will be emotional stable to move on with her life with no grudges if you don't marry her.
There is no need to have both the mother of your child and your child(who will be fed bad information about you) to hate you .

I have gotten three women pregnant, two were just flings and the other was /is the love of my life.

I told the first one when she gave me the news that I am very happy to become a dad(I really was,I love babies a lot). I will take full responsibility after a DNA test confirm its mine,but I will not marry her and our relationship of
just going on dates, sex etc will not change . I will not going to become more committed.

After much thinking,she opted for abortion because she was scared no one else will marry her as a SM. I was hurt,but I insisting she kept it would have been selfish for me.

Another mistake happened years later. Her family called me to pay dowry,I refused. Marrying a lady I don't love will be torture to her. I opted for full financial responsibility, infact the kid will come reside in the states with me but they refused. Her grandma travelled to the city with some local herbs she was taking till the baby was flushed out.

The last one,I already had the intentions of proposing before she took in. We have no regrets till date.

Needless to say,having a child with a woman emotionally invested in you but you will not marry will likely end up in tears because if you buy the world for her,take full financial responsibility for both her and the child,she will still resent you for not putting the ring.

Fabuloski:
I know it's a choice, I am not forcing any options on anybody.

However, this rampant act of demeaning uninterested guys is terrible, I mean they are only trying to make sure they won't be a second priority for the rest of their life.

Any guy who is down for that though can easily make a choice without anyone questioning his decision just like the guy rejecting this shouldn't also be condemned.
Thanks

no one demeaned any uninterested guy. Rather its uninterested guys and their cohorts that demean the Op for her choices and convince her into narrowing her choices because of the warped ideology

Kingarthur21:
what a coincidence...


A lady will only do what the mother of your child is doing if you parted with her in bad terms(you didn't marry her). Nothing hurts a lady like that,they will feel you have messed up their lives by putting them in a place where few men will consider committing to them,a place of ridicule and judgement,while you move on with your life freely and will never face ridicule like them.
They begin to resent you for it.

I always advice guys who impregnate girls to tell her to keep the baby IF and only IF:
1)They will marry them
2)If the girl will be emotional stable to move on with her life with no grudges if you don't marry her.
There is no need to have both the mother of your child and your child(who will be fed bad information about you) to hate you .

I have gotten three women pregnant, two were just flings and the other was /is the love of my life.

I told the first one when she gave me the news that I am very happy to become a dad(I really was,I love babies a lot). I will take full responsibility after a DNA test confirm its mine,but I will not marry her and our relationship of
just going on dates, sex etc will not change . I will not going to become more committed.

After much thinking,she opted for abortion because she was scared no one else will marry her as a SM. I was hurt,but I insisting she kept it would have been selfish for me.

Another mistake happened years later. Her family called me to pay dowry,I refused. Marrying a lady I don't love will be torture to her. I opted for full financial responsibility, infact the kid will come reside in the states with me but they refused. Her grandma travelled to the city with some local herbs she was taking till the baby was flushed out.

The last one,I already had the intentions of proposing before she took in. We have no regrets till date.

Needless to say,having a child with a woman emotionally invested in you but you will not marry will likely end up in tears because if you buy the world for her,take full financial responsibility for both her and the child,she will still resent you for not putting the ring.

Well shits happen, hardly can we tell the end from the beginning, even couples who married and stayed in love for year do fall out and get divorced.
My point is, before she begs for love on the child's behalf, she should be very sure it is in abundance where it should be and yet she rejects it, for the child since or if it doesn't favour her.

tammie24:
Be careful cos lots of guys are just looking for a meal ticket

It's easy for scammers to take advantage of you given the situation in the country right now

My number 1 concern is your young child
You really don't have to be with a man to be happy

at a point in our life we all crave for cuddle

gnykelly:
at a point in our life we all crave for cuddle

yes we do but should never be at the expense of our children's well-being

We should learn self control
Too many selfish people around these days

The world is not smiling

Ganiyu of abaranje

nobody life is perfect

I

tammie24:
yes we do but should never be at the expense of our children's well-being

We should learn self control
Too many selfish people around these days

The world is not smiling

a country where a good percentage of eligible men are struggling. it will be hard but not impossible to get what she wants

Nawa oooo

she has stated what she wants, if you want to apply you know what you are getting into its her AND the child. If

she didn't ask for advice or opinions,

They will soon turn this thread to another thing now with cho cho cho.

gnykelly:
a country where a good percentage of eligible men are struggling. it will be hard but not impossible to get what she wants

I wish her the best

I don't want to write off Nigeria but... E hard!

People just expect too much without giving anything
One has to be successful to get certain things in Nigeria and when you don't have anything else to offer
It's becomes as if they were in it to gain for themselves.
May God fix us

mcdokwe:
Well shits happen, hardly can we tell the end from the beginning, even couples who married and stayed in love for year do fall out and get divorced.
My point is, before she begs for love on the child's behalf, she should be very sure it is in abundance where it should be and yet she rejects it, for the child since or if it doesn't favour her.

No. I am not begging for love on my child's behalf.

lovecode248:
No. I am not begging for love on my child's behalf.

it's okay. Just be careful. I, like may other men may promise to love your child like it's ours, but na when shit hit fan you go hear things like ' your stupid father is out there gallivanting while I am expected to deal with your excesses' thereby putting the mom in a position to either act in defence of her child or that of the marriage.

Goodluck

tammie24:
I wish her the best

I don't want to write off Nigeria but... E hard!

People just expect too much without giving anything
One has to be successful to get certain things in Nigeria and when you don't have anything else to offer
It's becomes as if they were in it to gain for themselves.
May God fix us

Amen

See as people have turned the thread to round table debate. The lady has stated what she wants. If you are not interested carry your yam legs waka comot for thread and stop giving unsolicited advice.

Ishilove:
See as people have turned the thread to round table debate. The lady has stated what she wants. If you are not interested carry your yam legs waka comot for thread and stop giving unsolicited advice.

My dear I tire oh, they are just out to break her confidence in the name of advice. Keep your advise to yourself yet they won't hear.

mcdokwe:
it's okay. Just be careful. I, like may other men may promise to love your child like it's ours, but na when shit hit fan you go hear things like ' your stupid father is out there gallivanting while I am expected to deal with your excesses' thereby putting the mom in a position to either act in defence of her child or that of the marriage.

Goodluck

Yes. You are right. Thanks so much. But I'm sure there's one person out of 100 of you, who could think, act, behalf the same as you discribed above, who will be different. That's the one I'm looking out for.
I'm not in a haste to settle for anything less.

Arsenate:
Don't stress. Some brainwashed unfortunate simp would fall for it and when he is fully invested on the child, the real dad would just come along at any time and pick up the child. Don't also forget the child can tell the simp that "you are not my dad, you can't tell me what to do" when he tries to scold him.
It's a lose lose situation for whoever gets involved. You get to invest your recourses and/or emotions on a child whose upbringing you can't have a say on. You invest in a child whose dad (probably banging some other woman right now) can just zoom in and lay claims on.

But no no no logic here, so, Emotions.

Have you seen where parents spent all their resources training their children but didn't benefit anything from them before they dies? You can't stay in today and always be analysing tommorow.
Love unconditionally, don't always expect pay back.

@op, how far?

Dainy1:
@op, how far?

Everything is fine. Thank you

SweetCunt97:
Wetin u wan use the picture do? You haven't even started any conversation with d lady and your first request is picture? Na so fine face dey put una inside trouble.