ibkayee:

If he were the breadwinner I have a feeling that the tone of the OP would be completely different and things would've been handled a lot more forcefully by he and his family

The 2nd wife would have been brought to the house sef.

The annoying thing is that she might even be giving her husband money that he sends to his family.

ImaIma1:


The 2nd wife would have been brought to the house sef.

The annoying thing is that she might even be giving her husband money that he sends to his family.

And I'm sure her tribe is not a factor here

Ningen:


You don't need advice because you've made a decision already. You just want assurance from strangers that your “wifey” status isn't threaten.

Well, stop living in delusion.
You're now in a polygamous marriage.

That village girl will give birth again and again. She has been accepted by his family while you are an outcast. What more, the cloud of betrayal will hover over your union; hate will replace love.

Best decision is to quit. But I wish you the best.

Nothing to add or subtract

OgwuEgo:
Very funny story, imagine feeding someone and he uses the energy to impregnate someone else.

And she still believes he loves her

ibkayee:

And I'm sure her tribe is not a factor here

Money has no tribe

Your husband is a he goat!

See how he said it humbly because of finances.

If I'm the op. I will start crying for money. I will so reduce my financial role in the home until...

It can't be me shs

Nigerian ladies train themselves to withstand suffering in the name of marriage, someone you feed betrays you and you think he respects you.

ImaIma1:


And she still believes he loves her

Divorce ke? Must everything leads to divorce?@Op, l advice you seek wise counsel on what to do from godfearing folks.

anthonyuncle:
dz ur husband is very heartless.

he is aware of everything (from day 1).

he is just with u because of material relief.

I'll advice u divorce him now (while u are still capable) and start a new life without him

ImaIma1:


And she still believes he loves her

Na that one off me.

It's either she doesn't know what love is, she really has some self esteem issues or she's a very forgiving and patient person.

The woman has been through a lot already and i hope everything goes well with her in the end.

Ok i pray but u think u know a guy....most women and men that got into deep shit thought they knew their partners.







quote author=Rozz post=90164339]will not marry such husband sef, so it's never going to happen [/quote]

ImaIma1:
Meaning he doesn't have a mind of his own or what? How can his family influence him for something he doesn't want to do?

Are you sure he's not with you because you are the breadwinner? If he hammers today, will he stay with you?

@bold:

Another angle.

Rozz:
When I get married and my husband dare such(God forbids),i will leave him and never look back.I can't stand such betrayal and whatever love I may have for him will be instantly gone.Nonsense all because of sex.

Wait first till you get married

Mariangeles:
Betrayal!

If he could do this without your knowledge, there are still some shocking truths yet to be revealed! Brace yourself!

you won't gain anything trying to pull her Union down. Don't subtlety encourage division

Houseofglam7:
What if you had a child for another man in your matrimonial home?
Would you be in that house typing this now?p
Okay bye

op please think about this post. It has all the truth in it. It will help you decide your next action

Did his family also forced him to sleep with the girl? What nonsense!

SKYloafFISH:
you won't gain anything trying to pull her Union down. Don't subtlety encourage division

No need to sugarcoat the truth because it is obvious.
Even Judas paid with his life for betraying Jesus Christ.

Bodydialect57:
Divorce ke? Must everything leads to divorce?@Op, l advice you seek wise counsel on what to do from godfearing folks.

stop economizing da truth.

da man knows what he's doing.

he's preparing to bring da other lady to his house.

if op remains there, it'll be hell for her.

da earlier she leaves, da better

Ningen:


You don't need advice because you've made a decision already. You just want assurance from strangers that your “wifey” status isn't threaten.

Well, stop living in delusion.
You're now in a polygamous marriage.

That village girl will give birth again and again. She has been accepted by his family while you are an outcast. What more, the cloud of betrayal will hover over your union; hate will replace love.

Best decision is to quit. But I wish you the best.

Actually I had wanted to give a critical response to this your issue. But came across this very response. Which is interesting and is interested to what response I would have chopped in.i wanted to ask some questions from you which would assist in being about to give said advice to what is on ground.first and foremost . You did not specify what advice that should be given. As This contributor sort of pointed out.is that you want to be adviced to stay on in the marriage or opt out of it. Then to this issue that now depends on you personally any advice doesn't count here even if the bitter truth is told here. The onus depends on you it is your husband and marriage. Because already this tread is already heated up and again before it turns to a religious argument. On the religious aspect as a Christian your husband has committed adultery and that is only when justification can be given for a divorcee. But you the cheated partner can forgive him and continue with the marriage and continue and hope for the best. You are already in the marriage and committed by having a child. That is why you have to be very careful and study each other well before getting into marriage. Marriage like a contributor side is no bf and gf thing.before you enter into marriage you must define your prospects with your partner.to avoid all these mess. This your matter is very critical , I myself am very confused and disturbed.as a man I don't support what your husband did at all. He has no justification, he has already had such preset intent even when you were dating.what tribe are you and what type of marriage did you two contract. Then did you want to tell me that you did not notice your husband is a womaniser when you were dating.then as the contributor said the deed has been done already and the plain fact is that your husband has married a second wife, of cos more kids would follow from the village wife. Who has more standing than you at present as she has his family backbone. You have been labelled an outcast. Then your husband attention had been divided, so you should be ready for him traveling to the village more often, his finances would also be put on strain.its now left for you to live with that share him with another woman. Your marriage has been threatened beyond all comprehension. It's either you have to accept your fate and take control by asserting your position as the first wife and take the village wife under your wings. By acknowledging her , then seek to cohabit with her peacefully.and you have to seek her coming down to be under the same roof. To save your husband the strain of travelling to the village were you can monitor on goings and control the situation. From what I can conote the family are waiting for you to take a rash decision and scheme you out of your marriage and install their chosen candidate the village wife to replace you. You ought to have studied the mans family before you married him. Like I stressed in an earlier tread were I gave advice when a marriage is contracted here in our society the woman should be aware that it is the mans family she is marring into. The other question I would ask are you still in love with your husband with what he has done. That is a basics that would determine your future hold on the marriage. Am willing to give further advice if you need. But I want you to answer my question s.

SKYloafFISH:
you won't gain anything trying to pull her Union down. Don't subtlety encourage division

that is not encouraging division it is a fact to be upheld. There are more secrets in his pandorax box yet to be in revealed.

saphireadoo:
I have been married for 9 yrs now.I earn more than my husband,

Normally I don’t comment on issues like this but I have to based on the vile comments I kept reading in the first page and the funny part of it all is that am pretty sure, more than 50 percent of those first page commenters are not married, more reason why I didn’t come across any meaningful advice only few with plenty of curses and abuses.

Op first thing first, search yourself and ask yourself this question, do i still want this marriage or do I want to leave?

If you want to leave, all fine and good. You can call him and do the needful, pack your things and leave but if you still want the marriage. Then you need to get your acts together.

Look for someone you know he respects a lot and listen to, Pour out your mind and let them know you would not want another lady in that house no matter if not you will leave the marriage. Also since he said he is interested in the child alone, meaning the child will stay with him, please op if you know you will not take that child as your own and would maltreat the child, I beg of you let the child stay with his mother.

Finally op, no marriage is perfect, some people are facing domestic abuses, cheating or lazy spouses but they will come out to dish out the advice of leave your marriage meanwhile they are trying to hold on to theirs.

Nobody in this world is perfect, so trend carefully and like I said before, if you want to leave, feel free and leave but if not, then set ground rules letting him know where you stand. Good luck

If this is what you call love, then who needs enemies? Besides, you're the breadwinner, paying most of the bills in your home and this is the treatment you get in return?

Earning more than him is not important here.. From what you wrote up there,I think your husband was manipulated by village people who wants to break your home.. Sit d man down,ask him exactly what he wants.. Then if he is no longer interested in the Union, then you find your way. At least you got a child you can call yours,and you're not depending on him to survive.. All these many many stories go just make person dey fear marriage.. Its well madam!

Make I reach office ,come back..

Mariangeles:
Betrayal!

If he could do this without your knowledge, there are still some shocking truths yet to be revealed! Brace yourself!

Exactly!

DoubleEngine007:
Earning more than him is not important here.. From what you wrote up there,I think your husband was manipulated by village people who wants to break your home.. Sit d man down,ask him exactly what he wants.. Then if he is no longer interested in the Union, then you find your way. At least you got a child you can call yours,and you're not depending on him to survive.. All these many many stories go just make person dey fear marriage.. Its well madam!

Make I reach office ,come back..

I totally disagree with you that you think the man was by his village people. That is totally false.

Seems you still want to stay with him so I’ll reserve my advice.

People should be clear the kind of advise they need;

1. " I want to leave and find ways to secure my finances "

2. " I want to stay and blame his family members while forgiving my husband "
3. " I want to be in denial, I want people to tell me all men cheat and my husband was simply misled, I want to stay, keep giving my husband money to have kids everywhere it is not his fault it is his village witches fault ".

Women hardly take advice on these matters

You're now in a polygamous marriage.Forget that he has not paid any bride price.Your simpleton husband knows what he's doing(or well not intelligent enough to know).A grown man still needs to be told to marry another wife.
to issue was the challenges you had initially trying to get pregnant but your husband has no mind of his own.

Eketem:
People should be clear the kind of advise they need;

1. " I want to leave and find ways to secure my finances "

2. " I want to stay and blame his family members while forgiving my husband "
3. " I want to be in denial, I want people to tell me all men cheat and my husband was simply misled, I want to stay, keep giving my husband money to have kids everywhere it is not his fault it is his village witches fault ".

Women hardly take advice on these matters

I stressed this in my own contribution on what advice specifically did she want.

She's not responding

Lalasticlala, come see something

I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate