MARRIAGE/FAMILY

Very few couples like to accept this, but tension is normal to all marriages. We’ve all had our share of the fight, and some of our disputes haven’t been good. Maybe we could write a book about what we can’t do!

Start with two selfish people with different backgrounds and different personalities. Now add some bad habits and odd idiosyncrasies, throw in a bunch of standards, and then turn the heat up a little with the daily life trials. Guess what, huh? You’re expected to have a fight. This is inevitable.

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Since each marriage has its own problems, it is not a question of preventing them, but of how you cope with them. Conflict may lead to a cycle that creates cohesion or isolation. You and your spouse are supposed to choose how you will act when conflict does happen.

Table of Contents:
1. Marriage requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences
2. It requires defeating selfishness
3. It requires pursuing the other person
4. Marriage requires loving confrontation
5. Listen to your spouse. Seek to understand his or her view, and ask questions to clarify viewpoints
6. It requires forgiveness
7. It requires returning a blessing for an insult.

Marriage requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences

One reason we have a marital dispute is that we attract opposites. Typically, a task-oriented person marries someone who is more human-oriented. People who move through life at breakneck speed seem to end up with more slow-paced partners.

It’s strange, but that’s part of the reason why you were married to who you were. Your spouse has brought a range, spice, and difference to your life that you haven’t had before.

But after being married for a while (sometimes a short time), the pleasures become repellent. You may disagree over minor irritations, such as how to properly squeeze a toothpaste tube, or big philosophic discrepancies in the handling of finances, or how to raise children.

You may find that your experiences and your personalities are so different that you wonder how and why God put you together in the first place.

It is important to understand these differences, and then to embrace and adapt to them. God has given you a partner who completes you in ways you haven’t known yet.

It requires defeating selfishness

All our differences are magnified in marriage as they feed what is undeniably the greatest source of our conflict–our selfish, sinful existence.

Maintaining peace in marriage has been a difficult task since Adam and Eve. A couple, beginning their marriage together and seeking to go their own selfish, separate ways, can never expect to experience the unity of marriage as God intended.

Love offers a great opportunity to do something about selfishness. We must be able to be last instead of trying to be first. We must serve instead of having to be served. Instead of trying to save our lives, we have to risk them. We have to love our neighbors (our spouses) as much as we love ourselves.


In short, if we want to fight selfishness, we have to give up, give in, and sacrifice everything. The modesty of mind finds one another more important than yourself; do not just look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

It requires pursuing the other person

To live peacefully means to seek peace. It means taking the initiative to settle a complicated conflict rather than waiting for the other party to take the first step. Resolving a dispute means putting aside your own pain, rage, and resentment. It doesn’t mean to lose heart. Always “keep your relationship up to date.”

In other words, make sure that you stay in strong fellowship with your spouse every day, as well as with your children, parents, colleagues and friends.

Marriage requires loving confrontation

He who has a good friend doesn’t need a mirror… Blessed is a marriage where both partners know that the other is a good friend who will listen, understand and work through any kind of problem or dispute. Confronting your partner with grace and modesty requires wisdom, maturity and humility. Here are a few other tips that we found useful: test your motivation. Will your words help or hurt you? Will bringing this up, cause healing, completeness, and harmony, or further isolation?

Please check your attitude. Love conflict says, “I care for you. I love you, and I would like you to support me. I want to know how you feel. “Don’t climb on your bulldozer and run down your partner. Approach your partner kindly.


Find out the circumstances. It involves pacing, position and setup. Don’t threaten your husband, for example, when he’s tired of a hard day’s work, or when he’s in the middle of squabbling between children. Remember, don’t ever attack, make fun of, or disagree with your partner in public.

Check to see what other stresses might be present. Be open to where your spouse comes from. What is the background of your spouse’s life right now?

Listen to your spouse. Seek to understand his or her view, and ask questions to clarify viewpoints
Be sure you’re ready to accept what you want to dish out. You could start giving your spouse some “friendly advice” and soon learn that what you’re saying isn’t really his problem, but yours!

Stick to one issue at a time during the debate. Don’t pick a few up. Don’t save a number of complaints and let your partner have them all at once.

Focus on the problem, not the individual. You need a budget, for example, and your partner is a little bit of a spendthrift. Work through financial plans and make the lack of budget the enemy, not your spouse.

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Focus on actions rather than on character. This is again the “you” message versus the “I” message.

You can murder the character of your partner and stab him right to the heart with “you” messages like, “You’re always late; you don’t care about me at all; you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

The “I” message will mean, “I feel frustrated when you don’t let me know you’re going to be late. I would appreciate it if you were to call so that we can make other arrangements.


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"A wise woman knows the importance of speaking life into her man. If you love him: believe in him, encourage him and be his peace."- Denzel Washington. #fomaf #TuesdayMotivation #TuesdayThoughts

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“Focus on the facts rather than judging the motives. If your partner forgets to make an important decision, deal with the consequences of what you both have to do next rather than say, “You’re so careless; you’re just doing things to irritate me.” Above all, concentrate on knowing your spouse rather than who wins or loses.

It requires forgiveness
No matter how hard the two people try to love each other and satisfy each other, they will fail. Loss comes to hurt. And the only true cure for hurt is the healing consolation of redemption.

The key to maintaining an open, loving, and happy marriage is to ask for forgiveness quickly.

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Forgiveness means giving up bitterness and a desire to punish others. You let the other person off the hook by the act of your will. Be kind to each other, tenderly hearted, forgive each other.

It requires returning a blessing for an insult
In summary, all of you are harmonious, benevolent, fraternal, kind-hearted, and gracious in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving blessing instead; for you have been called for the very reason that you might inherit a blessing.

Every marriage has either the “Insult for Insult” or the “Blessing for Insult” relationship. Husbands and wives can become extremely competent to trade insults about the way they look, the way they cook, or the way they drive, and the way they clean the house. There seem to be no other way for many couples to respond to each other.


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@fomafng
As we go on in the second half of the year, the Lord is telling us to be strong and do great exploits. Just as he commanded Joshua, we must be strong and courageous (Josh 1:. #fomaf #WordOfTheDay #WordsOfWisdom #Bible #BibleStudy

Watch full video here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQh1JQcfKFE

What does it mean to give back a blessing for an insult? One who enjoys life, loves, and wants to see good days, must keep his tongue from bad, and his lips from speaking deception. He must turn away from evil and do good; he must seek peace and follow it.

This means doing well, too. Sometimes doing well simply takes a few words spoken gently and kindly, or perhaps a hand, a hug, or a pat on the back. It could mean making a special effort to please your partner by performing a special act of kindness.

In the end, being a blessing means seeking peace, genuinely following it. If you sincerely seek forgiveness, you desire peace, not isolation.

The aim of God in our conflicts is to test our faith, to produce courage, to refine us, and to bring glory to Him. This is the hope that He gives us that we can truly treat our problems as an opportunity to strengthen our faith and to glorify God.]

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