Vyzz:
Sister





For the sake of ur first children


Which might as well be ur favourite.....


Because the always turn out to be the cutest and lovely ones....




Let go

Eulalia:


Hmm... The problem is not with me cos I already zeroed my mind from the day i discovered this ish but I'm being seen as heartless and all sorts here.

I can't bear to see my little darlings suffer for my mistake but he's not trying to reason all that. He's just after what he wants.

Thanks dear.

KingSatan:


I was in your shoes so many decades ago. It was a tough decision but I just couldn't let such a good woman walk away from my life because of genotype disparities.

I knew the risks were enormous (It was tough going against my profession as someone with medical background) but I continued for just 1 reason. I didn't want such good woman to leave my side.


We continued with the marriage rites and today, we are blessed with 4 Children and they have either AS or AA as genotypes.

At a point we agreed not to have kids. Just so we don't bring in a child to suffer. But along the line, they came.

Our Marriage was beyond making Babies but being happy. But you know, we are Africans and you just need to make babies.

As at then, babies were proofs of a blissful union. I think it's a bit fairer now.

I am not telling you to follow my path. I guess Nature was just on was on my side.

The truth is, Genotype disparities have destroyed so many promising relationships. You are not the first and will not be the last.

My Advice is, make your decision, set your priorities and live with it.

If you are getting married because you want "Babies", then don't marry an AS man.

But if you are getting married because you love this man and he loves you still despite your genetic incompatibility, THEN STAY WITH HIM.

Medical knowledge is advanced now. IVF can help you detect the sex and genotype of the child before birth.

The economy doesn't encourage you having more than 2 children too.

Would you rather be in a relationship where you have birthed babies like a rodent but deprived your basic needs as a spouse such as Emotional support, love, care etc?


My conclusion based on experience.

"As "AS" couples, the fear or not having an SS child is nature's way of attracting them".

Cheers!

Eulalia:


Hmm... The problem is not with me cos I already zeroed my mind from the day i discovered this ish but I'm being seen as heartless and all sorts here.

I can't bear to see my little darlings suffer for my mistake but he's not trying to reason all that. He's just after what he wants.

Thanks dear.

Vyzz:




He won't kill u or force u if u stand ur ground....




Keep on saying NO

RoyalBlu:
Dear OP, it's well.

I understand *not fully tho* what you're going through at the moment.

I was in this same situation nine years ago. But after a lot of consultations, and first hand experience of seeing SS babies, we understood that letting go was for the best.

Believe me, the emotional stress of going ahead with such union won't be worth it.

But on the flip side, miracles do happen, and things might just work out fine.

Please do well to give this a deep thought before taking that bold step.

mozele:
Greater things ahead dear. It seems like your boo has lost hope already.

Have you explored the potency of personal prayers yet?

Eulalia:


My dear.... I have begged, pet, pampered and done all sorts just to drive home my point but..... Just wish there's a way one can figure it right cos I'm scared of mistakes happening. I mean... I remember a senior then that had it during sec school days. She can miss a whole session and then she'll be back but I didn't understand then and was wondering why this girl kept missing school like that. I asked my elder sister ( her set) and she told me the girl had sickle cell. She explained everything to me and all about their crises period. I was in ss1 then while they were in ss3. I hadn't even discovered my genotype then but fear gripped me since then.

This girl I'm telling you never grew in size and her looks will always bring tears to your eyes. So I can't bear to see that happen to me.

My twin was lucky to marry an AA guy. I know I would be luckier.

KingSatan:



For considering marriage, i believe you are an adult.

As an adult, you are expected to make decisions and take responsibility for whatever be the outcome.

There is no Brouhaha here. It's your life and you are the one getting Married.

If you don't love him so much to risk it, then quit it now!

Like I said earlier, Make your decisions, weight your options, set your priorities and live with it!

Learn to be in charge of your life. Unless this man is the source of your life and livelihood. If not, I see no reason why you shouldn't say No and Stand on it.

Remember, the day you accepted to date and court him, it was emotional before a verbal agreement. Something like, "I love you and I agree to live with you" (I don't know what you people say this days though).

Right now, I can deduce that you have settled with the emotional part of it, IT IS TIME TO TERMINATE THE CONTRACT.

Cheers!

RoyalBlu:



Don't worry sis. It'll end in praise for you.

I pray your man gets to understand the right thing to do is not take such a great risk.

In my own case, I met my hubs a year after that experience. He's AA and I was thankful.

RoyalBlu:



Don't worry sis. It'll end in praise for you.

I pray your man gets to understand the right thing to do is not take such a great risk.

In my own case, I met my hubs a year after that experience. He's AA and I was thankful.

Eulalia:



How can he lose hope? Is there anything like that? He courted an AA (according to him) but for some reasons, he had to quit. So I believe he'll always come across another "AA"


Thanks anyways.

Afokeoghen:


Well, I think he meant You have lost hope on the issue.
You really are already hoping you find an 'AA'

There is no need to convince you of the potency of prayer in this case with a testimony I have.

The journey can be very traumatic If you are not spiritually and psychologically prepared. Pls don't go any further.

The decision to go ahead should be mutual. Do not let anything cower you into what you don't believe.

Eulalia:


Hmm... The problem is not with me cos I already zeroed my mind from the day i discovered this ish but I'm being seen as heartless and all sorts here.

I can't bear to see my little darlings suffer for my mistake but he's not trying to reason all that. He's just after what he wants.

Thanks dear.

Eulalia:



Ok.
Ive not lost hope though. The thing is....having to start falling in love again and making sure its an AA and what one wants... Huh.... I feel for him but i can't risk it. See the case of the man whos' story is on front page..... Hes no longer happy with the wife. What's the point going into it then?

Eulalia:



Ok.
Ive not lost hope though. The thing is....having to start falling in love again and making sure its an AA and what one wants... Huh.... I feel for him but i can't risk it. See the case of the man whos' story is on front page..... Hes no longer happy with the wife. What's the point going into it then?

Afokeoghen:

HI again,
Since you said you've not lost hope and because of the reference to a similar post on FP that discouraged you, I'll share my testimony to encourage you.
I wanted to DM but hesitated when I saw your signature.
I'll just try to be brief here too.
Not ALL AS vs AS union end up in 'sadness'.
Of course, Science is right.
I'm an AS and got married to an AS, we have a lovely AS girl and a good looking AA boy now; because there is One greater than Science in the house.
We didn't just start out that way. We already found out God's will for us and then along the way we found out our statuses.
Naturally, we were worried, many medically inclined friends and acquaintance advised against the 'go ahead'.
We sought God's face about us and he answered us with peace.
Now psychologically, hmm, the each time we were expecting a baby, we occasionally had doubts and fears (and this is real) until we reminded ourselves of God's words and asked Science to keep quiet with its 'placards and banners'.
That's why I said you both need to be spiritually and psychologically prepared.

If you are still truly in love, seek God's face over it if you've not yet, this 'comma' is a good time to do so.

God wills for you to be at peace and in health. His grace will not take you to where He won't be..

May you see light in His light. PS 36;9
Amen

Eulalia:



Great testimony. I'm happy for you both.

The thing is, I'm not prepared for it. In fact, i wasn't prepared for the whole thing. So I don't think I can go through with it as my mind is not stable to exercise that kind of faith.

My siblings already heard and everyone is shaking their heads so if I try to prove head strong, they'll report to our kinsmen. So... I'll just let it slide and hope for the best.

Thanks dear.

SavageMaster:


As a doctor, I'll say NO. The mathematical chances of having SS children are more than that of AS or AA.

If you're believers, and if you've had faith testimonies before now, and if you're at the same faith level with your boo, and both of you still want to exercise faith on this issue, I'll just keep quiet and silently pray it works out well for your children.

However, from your posts here, it's obvious you're not yet at that faith level and you don't want to risk it with your children's future.

As for medical science, if he is rich enough to bear the financial costs of any procedure(s) that will reduce the chances of you having an SS child, then, maybe you two can discuss along that line.

My advice: Get your family member or someone else he respects, who is aware of the relationship, to talk things through with him, so both of you can separate peacefully.

I've worked in the hospital for more than 7 years. Believe me, when sicklers are admitted in crisis, most times, it is the mother that does the running around and sleeping in the hospital till the child is discharged.

Most times, it's a drain on the family finances too. You really need to be financially comfortable to cater for a sickle cell child.

I've not even talked about the emotional strain on everybody

Eulalia:
Please guys I'm back again. Based on last times suggestions here that some said "chemotherapy" method can be used in case of any SS situation, we met with a doc yesterday who advised us to forget about that procedure meaning no success. And boo is suggesting we go ahead but I don't want to risk it and now he's feeling I'm using this "flimsy" excuse to call it quits.

Please, any suggestions where it has been successfully carried out so we can satisfy his conscience. And I won't look like a "heartless" person biko. I'm tired of trying to convince a grown adult. A learned fellow at that.

I'm really scared and do not want to regret in future due to other peoples experiences.

How do I also convince him to let go just in case this final attempt fails. Please suggest anywhere around Ajao estate or surulere environs. I'm not a hospital person so I don't really know any locations for such hospitals.
Any ideas please.
I
Thanks.

buygala:


Sorry about your plight...

But it's almost impossible to have it all...

I remember when me and my ex-fiancee went for pre marriage tests at a hospital...The doctor upon seeing that both of us were AA and even had the exact same blood group (A+), jokingly called us stingy reason being that a lot of AS persons were looking for AA partners and not getting any while both of us were wasting Genotype by marrying each other ...We all laughed it off ...anyway, 3 months later, we broke up for reasons totally unconnected with health status

I think while tackling this delicate issue, you may have to broaden your thoughts...Is having an AS partner the worst thing that can happen to anyone? ...If he ticks all other boxes and you both have some small change to check the genotype of your babies before birth, or even go the IVF way, please don't let a good man go because of AS palaver

You may also have to consider that any AA guy you meet now after shutting down your present relationship may even see himself as indispensable to you and treat you however he likes just because he has the Genotype you seek...

As I am AA, you may think I don't understand your plight since I am at liberty to marry whoever with whatever genotype...but I have seen partners who lord it over the other just because they have the needed Genotype...

Whatever you do, kindly weigh your options very well....if you leave this guy and hook up with another with AA Genotype who is a total arse, how does that help you? ...What shall it profit you to have AS or AA kids from a jackass hubby?...

Personally, I even attach more importance to a potential partner's family history than any Genotype wahala....I definitely won't want to marry into a family with generational madness or one where it's members hardly live above 50, or one where it's members are prone to a particular disease....I owe my kids a good shot at the kind of health I enjoy...

There are more important things you owe your kids than Genotype lasan....Look out for them on all fronts before making any decision