Xj2020:
Bros, I remember vividly having to buy an antelope, 100 tubers of yams, four 50 liters each of red oil, money for boys, girls, mother, father among others as bride price that year. He no easy my brother

Xj2020:
It would interest you to know that my wife once threaten to kill me and take the children away. It will also interest you to know that she is a product of a broken home. This shouldn't have been a major problem. However, I later got to realized that her mummy is a very troublesome woman and sometimes behave abnormally. At a time, she actually left the house after a misunderstanding. I had to do everything possible to bring her back for the sake of the children. Someone once said on nairaland that the major beneficiary of marriage is the wife and I am beginning to believe that person

Key words


"Broken home"

"Her mummy is a troublesome woman and some times behave abnormally"..

Xj2020:
My mother-in-Law once threaten me in my own home. The woman is actually a bad influence on her daughter

Then limit her to her husband's house. Marriage is for man and wife.

You did not belittle yourself by helping out with the chores.From your post,you are supportive 100%.However,if dialogue fails ,then you need to take some space but it may affect your kids.If she doesn't evolve ,then the kids will grow to be disrespectful of you and generally exhibit flawed character.
I believe in dialogue and may I suggest that you either write her , articulating your thoughts clearly with specifics and wait her response.Identify the root cause of why she acts as your have mentioned in your post is key to solving the problem.Marriage requires wisdom, and maturity to grow.I wish you all the best.

Xj2020:
It would interest you to know that my wife once threaten to kill me and take the children away. It will also interest you to know that she is a product of a broken home. This shouldn't have been a major problem. However, I later got to realized that her mummy is a very troublesome woman and sometimes behave abnormally. At a time, she actually left the house after a misunderstanding. I had to do everything possible to bring her back for the sake of the children. Someone once said on nairaland that the major beneficiary of marriage is the wife and I am beginning to believe that person

see my brother. You have presented your own side and she is not here to present hers. Why don't you give her the link to this thread so that she can present her own side. And then we can find a solution. Divorce is not the answer,unless your life has been physically threatened and not only verbally or there has been constant unfaithfulness. Think about your kids, they would be the one to suffer when mummy and daddy are not together.

My mind is already made up. It is time I take some very tough and hard decisions. My story here on Nairaland is to serve as a lessons to guyz out there intending to get married. Why should I give her the link? Do you know the magnitutde of wahala that could cause in my home. yet to resolve the one on ground. She is here on Nairaland and might probably stumble on this thread. She would read this thread faster if it's get to front page and she might probably comment

jesmond3945:
see my brother. You have presented your own side and she is not here to present hers. Why don't you give her the link to this thread so that she can present her own side. And then we can find a solution. Divorce is not the answer,unless your life has been physically threatened and not only verbally or there has been constant unfaithfulness. Think about your kids, they would be the one to suffer when mummy and daddy are not together.

Klass99:


You no well at all but seriously what do you think about this?

I don't believe the story. It it too black and white and nothing in life is. It is either this or OP is too simple to see the complexities of life and relationship dynamics.

Madam Hathor or what ever your moniker is, you think in my widest imagination I would sit down and put a lengthy write up fill with lies. Tell me what do I stand to gain or lose by telling lies? Do you know me in person It took me a deal of determination and humility to put up my story on Nairaland knowing fully well that Nairaland is populated with kids and feminists that do not know what life is all about. These kids and feminists are more concern with making fun of the situation, giving stupid advice, abusing the op or arguing from a point of ignorance and stupidity.

Hathor5:




I don't believe the story. It it too black and white and nothing in life is. It is either this or OP is too simple to see the complexities of life and relationship dynamics.

Xj2020:
Madam Hathor or what ever your moniker is, you think in my widest imagination I would sit down and put a lengthy write up fill with lies. Tell me what do I stand to gain or lose by telling lies? Do you know me in person It took me a deal of determination and humility to put up my story on Nairaland knowing fully well that Nairaland is populated with kids and feminists that do not know what life is all about. These kids and feminists are more concern with making fun of the situation, giving stupid advice, abusing the op or arguing from a point of ignorance and stupidity.

Since you know that I don't know you in person it should be easier for you not to take anything I write so personally. Have a blessed Sunday. More power to your pen keyboard.

Dear Op , I really sympathize with you and I'd advise you take a break. I don't believe in Divorce but in situations where life or either partner is at risk I'd go with a little separation. Just take some few days off but while at it be sure to control your loins because that is what got you in this mess in the first place.

Marriages that happens for wrong reasons do not end well. When you get married because of sex, pregnancy and other unreasonable reasons, you will certainly get wrong results. There's are reason why we are told to abstain from sex, date or engage in courtships before tying knots. Courtship is the time to study and determine compatibility, but unfortunately we render this period useless because we complicate it with sexual involvement which makes it difficult to separate when couples aren't compatible. Most rules are for our own good. You got it wrong there.

Now, if after this break you have gained the courage, strength and wisdom to go on with the marriage, have your woman WORK! Yes let her work. Let her contribute little at least 10% into the household finances. That will help her to appreciate your efforts, When you spoon-feed people they will never know it's worth until they have to till the ground themselves. (2) It will take up her time, Am empty hand is the devil's workshop. (3) It will serve as a form of distraction.

Lastly, Move closer to your Kids. Don't let her do the training alone, it's dangerous. Show them love, give them things to help them form good impression of you rather than what their momma tell them. You will be surprised how they will move closer to you and will ignore their mom. That way, She will realize she might be the channel of their birth but no one has the monopoly of forming bonds. Because the truth is Children love who they see and are very good judge of character provided both partners are available.

Above all, pray more. It is well with you.

Xj2020:
Madam Hathor or what ever your moniker is, you think in my widest imagination I would sit down and put a lengthy write up fill with lies. Tell me what do I stand to gain or lose by telling lies? Do you know me in person It took me a deal of determination and humility to put up my story on Nairaland knowing fully well that Nairaland is populated with kids and feminists that do not know what life is all about. These kids and feminists are more concern with making fun of the situation, giving stupid advice, abusing the op or arguing from a point of ignorance and stupidity.

op there is always on or two people like her whenever people are seeking advise here on nairaland. I don't know what they gain by calling people seeking guidance lier but it really sad they are like that

Xj2020:
Madam, I do not see anything wrong in helping your spouse when you have the time. I wasn't trained to leave everything to the woman to do Ma

A woman is telling you something, you still dey argue.
Women are similar and know themselves better.

You rolled on the floor too long and your wife marched over you. She don see you finish. She manipulated you into court marriage. She had her game tight from beginning...

You are what the red pill team call, a simp.


I suggest you sit back, relax and hear out every contribution or kukuma delete the thread and do whatever you want. Las las na you go still bear consequences.

Davash222:

That's why you were where you were now.

Free am. Make e still dey argue.

The way op painted himself in celestial white is suspicious! I mean did he have to justify himself as much as dat?

Hathor5:




I don't believe the story. It it too black and white and nothing in life is. It is either this or OP is too simple to see the complexities of life and relationship dynamics.

i dont believe it either!

Davash222:

That's why you were where you were now.

bad husband material,anyways you might be all these ss3 boys we have here. Op is a good man with a bad wife and stop trying to talk down his good qualities

Xj2020:
If you are good you are good, and if you are bad you are bad. You might hide your bad side for a while. However, it is only a matter of time before everything would come out to the open. The Big Brother Show is a perfect example.
My story is that of a young chap that fell in love and got married to the women of his supposedly dream with kids. From day one till date, my beloved wife has been anything but a good housewife. She doesn't give me peace of mind. Always looking for ways to provoke me.
My wife isn't submissive. She is abusive and unappreciative of all I have done and have been doing for her and the children. This is even though the financial burden of the house has been mine 100% from the beginning to date. This is a woman that does not want to do any kind of work if it is not a government job. I have provided her with everything she asked for and even those things she didn't ask for. This woman has never lacked anything in my house to date
My beloved wife insults me in the presence of our kids. Mind you, I don't smoke, drink, and womanize. Neither have I laid my hands on her or intend on laying my hands on her. This is a woman I help with house chores like sweeping, washing the bathroom and toilets, and mobbing the house at my leisure time.
This woman has taken sides against in the time past when I had a misunderstanding with some persons outside. This woman isn't scared to insult my parents every time we have a misunderstanding. My mother-in-law isn't helping matter as she has continued to instigate her daughter against me.
I have finally decided to move out of the house for the now and see how things play out. If things don't improve, then I would have no choice than to seek divorce. Notwithstanding, the children would continue to be my responsibility.
Mature advice would be highly appreciated.

Any matured advice would be highly appreciated from the house.

It would interest the house to know that I am under 40 years old and a PhD. D holder in XXXXX in one of the foremost and most prestigious Federal University in Nigeria where I lectures. I have a First honours in XXXXXX in the same university. I was among the top three best graduating student in my Department and was adjudged best student in WASCE during my secondary school days; Best graduating student in my Department at the OND level before seeking and gaining direct entry admission into a Federal University; Won an award for best student at the 300 level in my Department that year. I was a committed member of Deeper Life despite coming from a Muslim. I still remember how my brother and I used to sneak out the house just for rehearsal that year. I was a member of the youth choir that year and I can still remember playing an active role in evangelizing and teaching search the scripture that year. I still remember going to music class that year and playing an active role in my school fellowship. Everything I am experiencing today is 100% my fault. How could I have fallen in love so blindly and got married to a member of a sect called "Grail Message: In the Light of the truth" without a comprehensive background check. Yes, she got pregnant for me outside wedlock which I take 100% responsibility for but still I shouldn't have allowed her cajoled and pushed me into marrying her talk less of having a court wedding. Do you know that this woman is holding on to the fact that she has children for me and that we did court wedding to do whatever she liked with full support from the mum. Do you know that this woman is very good at reporting everything that happens in my home to her mother? She wants a government job and nothing else. I tried my possible best to get her into my institution without success and she knows this. A woman that has never lack anything since we got married but has never been grateful for once in her life for all I have done to keep the home running. A woman that sees the family problem as solely my problem. I have been a member of Nairaland for years but decided to open this account to keep my identity private. I know for sure that if she happens to stumble on this thread she would definitely put 2+2 together to arrive at the conclusion that I am behind this thread. However, I do not care what she thinks or do anymore. I have already told her yesterday that I am through with her and I mean it. I still believe however that it isn't too late to change the narrative of my life. For all the guys’ out there forming 'I am in love' please and please open your eyes before you take that step to settle down with the woman of your dream as that lady could either make or mar you for life.

Read, "The Rational Male; Positive Masculinity by Rollo Tomassi"

This would be the first time i am saying this on this platform. "A lot of Nigerian men of this generation are in bondage in their marriages". A good number of them would not come out and tell you out of shame.
A lady even told him point blank that he belittled himself by doing house chores, his wife just helped complete his humiliation.

Growing up i used to think it was natural that men died before women, but in my adulthood i have discovered that, that is not true. Men die before women simply because men would see a woman with problems and go an marry her.

What are you looking for in a woman that has children, don't you want your own children?

Upon that he refused to take charge of his household.

A man that refuses or is incapable of being a man in a relationship, forces the woman to assume the role of a man in that relationship, once that happens, it is finished for such a man~ "The Rational Male; Positive Masculinity by Rollo Tomassi"

My mother once told, me 'my son know this, once a man losses respect in his house, that man is gone'

XJ2020,

How far? Have you moved out? Are things better?

OP from your write-up, I learnt that you are a book-worm or book-smart and not really streetwise. she caged you with pregnancy and you fell for it. well I also learnt that you are a good man and to be honest with you, your wife is not supportive enough. you should divorce her and take sole responsibility of your kids. you are still under 40, you can find love again and this time be smart. let her fend for herself and know your worth in her life.

angelfallz:
This would be the first time i am saying this on this platform. "A lot of Nigerian men of this generation are in bondage in their marriages". A good number of them would not come out and tell you out of shame.
A lady even told him point blank that he belittled himself by doing house chores, his wife just helped complete his humiliation.

Growing up i used to think it was natural that men died before women, but in my adulthood i have discovered that, that is not true. Men die before women simply because men would see a woman with problems and go an marry her.

What are you looking for in a woman that has children, don't you want your own children?

Upon that he refused to take charge of his household.

A man that refuses or is incapable of being a man in a relationship, forces the woman to assume the role of a man in that relationship, once that happens, it is finished for such a man~ "The Rational Male; Positive Masculinity by Rollo Tomassi"

My mother once told, me 'my son know this, once a man losses respect in his house, that man is gone'

You are very smart and I love your write-up.

It's either this is a fake story or dem don use otumokpo reconfigure your destiny.

A wife should be someone who gives you peace of mind, has your back anytime, supports your efforts, etc. But your woman is not acting like a wife. She has got used to you providing everything while she just receives.

You need to cut down on the excesses you give her to encourage her to try to make an income for herself.

Your wife's upbringing might be a major factor affecting her behaviour. The kind of family she grew up in and the kind of family values the promoted.

You should probably call a meeting with her family to let them know the challenges you have been facing and your intention to leave before making a decision.

Xj2020:
If you are good you are good, and if you are bad you are bad. You might hide your bad side for a while. However, it is only a matter of time before everything would come out to the open. The Big Brother Show is a perfect example.
My story is that of a young chap that fell in love and got married to the women of his supposedly dream with kids. From day one till date, my beloved wife has been anything but a good housewife. She doesn't give me peace of mind. Always looking for ways to provoke me.
My wife isn't submissive. She is abusive and unappreciative of all I have done and have been doing for her and the children. This is even though the financial burden of the house has been mine 100% from the beginning to date. This is a woman that does not want to do any kind of work if it is not a government job. I have provided her with everything she asked for and even those things she didn't ask for. This woman has never lacked anything in my house to date
My beloved wife insults me in the presence of our kids. Mind you, I don't smoke, drink, and womanize. Neither have I laid my hands on her or intend on laying my hands on her. This is a woman I help with house chores like sweeping, washing the bathroom and toilets, and mobbing the house at my leisure time.
This woman has taken sides against in the time past when I had a misunderstanding with some persons outside. This woman isn't scared to insult my parents every time we have a misunderstanding. My mother-in-law isn't helping matter as she has continued to instigate her daughter against me.
I have finally decided to move out of the house for the now and see how things play out. If things don't improve, then I would have no choice than to seek divorce. Notwithstanding, the children would continue to be my responsibility.
Mature advice would be highly appreciated.

Any matured advice would be highly appreciated from the house.

It would interest the house to know that I am under 40 years old and a PhD. D holder in XXXXX in one of the foremost and most prestigious Federal University in Nigeria where I lectures. I have a First honours in XXXXXX in the same university. I was among the top three best graduating student in my Department and was adjudged best student in WASCE during my secondary school days; Best graduating student in my Department at the OND level before seeking and gaining direct entry admission into a Federal University; Won an award for best student at the 300 level in my Department that year. I was a committed member of Deeper Life despite coming from a Muslim. I still remember how my brother and I used to sneak out the house just for rehearsal that year. I was a member of the youth choir that year and I can still remember playing an active role in evangelizing and teaching search the scripture that year. I still remember going to music class that year and playing an active role in my school fellowship. Everything I am experiencing today is 100% my fault. How could I have fallen in love so blindly and got married to a member of a sect called "Grail Message: In the Light of the truth" without a comprehensive background check. Yes, she got pregnant for me outside wedlock which I take 100% responsibility for but still I shouldn't have allowed her cajoled and pushed me into marrying her talk less of having a court wedding. Do you know that this woman is holding on to the fact that she has children for me and that we did court wedding to do whatever she liked with full support from the mum. Do you know that this woman is very good at reporting everything that happens in my home to her mother? She wants a government job and nothing else. I tried my possible best to get her into my institution without success and she knows this. A woman that has never lack anything since we got married but has never been grateful for once in her life for all I have done to keep the home running. A woman that sees the family problem as solely my problem. I have been a member of Nairaland for years but decided to open this account to keep my identity private. I know for sure that if she happens to stumble on this thread she would definitely put 2+2 together to arrive at the conclusion that I am behind this thread. However, I do not care what she thinks or do anymore. I have already told her yesterday that I am through with her and I mean it. I still believe however that it isn't too late to change the narrative of my life. For all the guys’ out there forming 'I am in love' please and please open your eyes before you take that step to settle down with the woman of your dream as that lady could either make or mar you for life.

Spousal abandonment is now a crime in Nigeria.
Do not move out until you have consulted a lawyer!

This story hurts so badly! I pray God intervenes in your home.

Bro the worst thing to a man is to marry a bad wife. you need your sanity Oga. you can't be roped with such a woman. baba if you have money, go and get yourself another accommodation. you will be seeing your kids and taking care of their welfare alone. your ungrateful wife should go and hustle. her blackmail that you got married in court is rubbish. hardly ever works in Nigeria.

I had to change my moniker for this post.

Please don't mind the naysayers. Reading your writeup felt like I was reading my life's story. The only difference is that we are both professionals and she is not a full time housewife.
Many men die in silence because we are not oriented to tell our stories. In fact, when I finally summoned the courage to speak to a neutral person, I was perceived as a weakling. Which is similar to some comments earlier posted by here.

In my case, I filed for divorce already. Despite not lacking in my responsibilities as a father, she withheld my access to the kids just so that she can continue with her manipulation. What she failed to see is that it drove me further away from her. The divorce is yet to be finalized due to court proceedings. She has asked that I withdraw the case from court, and I am not ready to do that yet as I am not certain she has changed. I miss being around my kids and I want the best for them but that can't be optimized in a toxic environment...

In your case I will advise you give her space, focus on yourself for now, develop yourself, read books, find peace and happiness while you at it. Don't consider divorce till you have tried everything and you are psychologically ready for it.

Man up!!! Let her know what is like to live without you, don't let her manipule you, cut her off totally and keep fulfilling your responsibilities as a father to your children(monthly upkeep, school fees and gifts).


You can reach out to me.

Xj2020:
My mind is already made up. It is time I take some very tough and hard decisions. My story here on Nairaland is to serve as a lesson to guys out there intending to get married. Why should I give her the link. Do you know the magnitutde of wahala that could cause in my home? yet to resolve the one on ground. She is here on Nairaland and might probably stumble on this thread. She would read this thread faster if it's get to the front page and she might probably comment