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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poem Called My Promise (1514 Views)
The Promise and other short stories. / The Promise Keeper / Promise Me Forever (2) (3) (4)
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Poem Called My Promise by fashanu99: 11:24am On Feb 02, 2011 |
May your days be merry and cheer. No worry or fear. May smile shine forever, with barely a care. If you see anything scary I'm there. Through various scares. To bring you home safe with barely a smear. |
Re: Poem Called My Promise by ajadrage: 7:11pm On Feb 02, 2011 |
fashanu_99: I like your lines, it has rhythm and rhyme, but if you would care to observe the following, I believe it will become a better work. Your lines 2 and 5 have the word "without", I am sure it makes better read if it were "with". I am sure what you intend to pass across is that there is a lack of care in your line 2, using the word "without" to qualify "barely a care" contradicts your point of smiles shining for ever irrespective of anything and everything. The same principle apply to your line 5 too. I am not an expert sha, so you can choose to disregard. . . |
Re: Poem Called My Promise by fashanu99: 7:26pm On Feb 02, 2011 |
make sense my friend thanks ill fix it |
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