azvm:
2014. i met a guy on Nairaland, i'll call him C. i'm not a new member, only using a new moniker. I was 27, him 29 (now we're 32, 35). i'm yoruba, him igbo. we met in Religion where we were encouraging one suicidal, depressed dude in a thread. he PMed me abt liking what i wrote then the friendship began. we had things in common, had interesting discussions, talked about ourselves and families, problems, etc. we agreed to be in a ldr, communicated mostly over email, whatsapp texts. we've done video calls too several times and till three years ago but i put a stop to them bc he was always asking me to show him parts of my body
2016. i was doing a school research project i needed a website for. C told me he knew someone in Nigeria to build it for me, said he would pay him the money, about $100. after the website was built , a week later he started hampering me to return the money, hurling insults at me, telling me i stole his money and he would tell everyone i took his money and ran. i told him i thought the money had been a gift. we were in a relationship, i didn't think i had to return it. after all the verbal abuse i sent him the money -actually sent him more than $100, then he was happy. it wasn't until i told him how bad his behavior was towards me that he apologized. after this, he wanted me to visit him in Nigeria (we had talked abt me visiting Nigeria since 2015) but i couldn't make it. he soon quit talking to me, disappeared. i didn't hear from him at all for three months, no calls, no nothing. i ended up meeting a man here, a Jamaican. i wasn't attracted to this man, we weren't in a relationship. i don't want to get into these details but i was sexually assaulted and lost my virginity, at 29. i reported to the police last year, it's still an ongoing police case. i somehow blame C. i've felt if he hadn't disappeared i wouldn't hv fallen into the hands of this rapist. C knew my goal was always to save myself for marriage like i had been doing.
rewind. some background. before i met C, i was in a relationship when i was 25, in 2012.
2012. i met a yoruba guy my Uni. he was an international student. we never had sex due to me wanting to wait for marriage. we kissed, hugged during our weekly outings. we saw each other once a week for movies, dinner, bowling. he ended up cheating. 7 months later, i broke up w him. this dude is history but is who i consider my ex if you ask who my ex is. i consider this relationship my first ever relationship, the only real-life relationship i've ever been in all my life, though a non-sexual one.
back to C.
2017. he did encourage me after i told him what had happened to me, provided moral support. but he then disappeared again. when he contacted me four months later, i was upset, we exchanged some words over email- mostly me calling him dishonest, unfaithful, untrustworthy, which were all true. he took things too far and was verbally abusive calling me horrible names and using the things i've told him about myself to insult me, like the sexual assault. he apologized later but i was quite hurt. we decided to start anew for a relationship mostly doing whatsapp texts and email as usual. he isn't a phone call person, he has the tendency to need his space for a week a two- i never complained.
2018. he disappeared again this time for 8 months, from april to november, no communication at all. i had told myself to forget about him. he suddenly called my phone one november afternoon 5 times. when we got to talking he confessed he was engaged to an igbo girl in Nigeria, was busy making preparations for the marriage but her family were making too many financial demands so he opted to call it off. i was shocked to hear he had been engaged. i told him he only contacted me again since the marriage plans didn't work out. he apologized, said it's me he wants to marry, i'm a simple girl, i'll give him peace of mind, blah blab blah. he wanted us to start where we left off. i told him i no longer trusted him but said we could try again, see where it goes
2019. we continue and things were fine till Valentine's Day. a week before V-day he said he loved me, promised to never leave me again. on Valentine's day i got no Valentine's message from him either or email or whatsapp, no call, nothing. meanwhile i would see him on whatsapp. fast forward to two weeks later i needed a logo for a blog of mine. i found a guy on nairaland for it. initially i wanted to send C the money to give to the guy but i decided to send him the money myself, i sent him the money then C started ignoring me. long story short the guy didn't send my logo after receiving the money. i told C, asked him to call the guy for me to release my logo, he refused. after this, i stopped communicating with C myself this time, he didn't contact me either, not till later last year
2020. fast forward to last month he told me abt his laptop which got damaged after a power outage. i started looking online to buy another laptop for him ( i didn't tell him ). my plan was to surprise him, send it to him for his birthday in October. we chatted on whatsapp the next day, i was doing my best to make him feel better, asked him what laptop he's using now, other questions to show him i care. all of a sudden he went of on me calling me deplorable n all sorts of names, saying stuff he knows will hurt me. i dunno maybe he was having a bad day or what. i told him i was planning to buy another laptop for him but he carried on insulting me. i blocked him. asides, his communication towards me recently has been sexual -he's always talkn abt wanting to make love to me, how attracted he is to me ( he has my pics ), how i'm his fantasy. he emailed me days later talkn abt me being the love of his life. he first refused apologizing for all his insults said over whatsapp, he said he doesn't need to apologize before i forgive. he finally said "i'm sorry ok" days later, i told him there's no more relationship. he says he doesn't want to let me go, i'm the only one who understands him. lately i've been thinking abt sponsoring him or going to nigeria to marry him. despite the fights he hs been my friend over the years. plus i'm thinking being in the same place may help us bond a lot better, start a family someday. my fears are he may not be a good father or husband, will be abusive, or i may find out he's got a wife in Nigeria. what do u guys think i should do?
*he's still on nairaland though not too active. he may or may not see this thread... it wouldn't matter either way.
*please, before anyone writes this is a fake story, everything above is what i've been through, my experience, 200% true. Dear azvm your boyfriend is not loyal to you likewise is not serious and am suspecting that he is married so please give yourself break for now tho age is no more on your side but leave that for God a man that we love you we surely come soon ok..you are so gentle and am sure you ar a Good lady with soft mind if you don't mind I can connect you with my bro that lives in abroad too he's seriously searching for a good xtian yoruba lady if you are serious get my WhatsApp on my signature. |
