Am a mother of two kids(5yrs and 3yrs).finished my NYSC since 2008 but have not gotten any decent job and its driving me crazy.i decided to chose a different career path which i intend doing abroad(study).i plan on leaving my children behind for my mother then bring them over once i settle and my hubby will join them but he will be shuttling between Nigeria and the country(canada) because of his business.All people keep telling me is that i can't achieve that since i have kids which if all works out fine my mother will be coming with us.my hubby is having a second thought about these whole plan because of what people will say.please i want to know if anybody has tried this before and if it actually worked.

Do you lack anything with the current arrangement? If you don't, I'd say, there's no need going to a foreign country to not earn a living but pursue an ambition to the detriment of your children no less. Your husband's constant absence is in itself not ideal, complicating the present situation will probably only benefit you as an individual. My two cents.

This is going to be very tough considering the fact that u have kids. You need to plan with your husband.

If I may ask, how soon do you think it will take before you move your kids to join you? You have to be very careful. I wish u all the best

freshdude2:
Do you lack anything with the current arrangement? If you don't, I'd say, there's no need going to a foreign country to not earn a living but pursue an ambition to the detriment of your children no less. Your husband's constant absence is in itself not ideal, complicating the present situation will probably only benefit you as an individual. My two cents.

with the way things are now,me not having a tangible thing am doing now will affect us and my hubby doesn't even stay with us.we see him every two months because he moved us from the north when the whole chaos was at its peak.

amtheone:
This is going to be very tough considering the fact that u have kids. You need to plan with your husband.

If I may ask, how soon do you think it will take before you move your kids to join you? You have to be very careful. I wish u all the best

thanks,am looking at atleast 4-6months

No

What makes u bad is if its not well thought out

in my humble opinion, you are the one wearing the shoes and you know where it pinches.

Do what you have to do for you and your kids. other people's opinion are just secondary.

If you stay in Nigeria, and had little or nothing doing, people will still talk, and if you decide to go, they will still say you left your kids etc.

but if you secure a better future for them outside the country, they will still turn around tomorrow to call you a lucky woman, blessed etc.

so do what you have to do and do not think about what people will say because they will keep saying.

Go with your heart. Kids are a blessing and not a curse. If relocating now will make them have a better life later on, why not? you are lucky to have a mum who will look after them for this transition period. Look at the big picture. Sometimes we make sacrifices today so that tomorrow would be better.

You are not a bad mother. Go, and do it. There will be many challenges, but it will be worth it.

Thanks all for your words of encouragement,really appreciate it.wish i can see someone who has done this and how the person coped

Hmmm its a hard decision, but u have to do wat u have to do to provide a better future for ur children.
Imagine 8yrs after school and still no work.

Once u get there let ur priority be ur kids, dnt leave them for too long.

I sincerely wish good luck.

bebe2:
Hmmm its a hard decision, but u have to do wat u have to do to provide a better future for ur children.
Imagine 8yrs after school and still no work.

Once u get there let ur priority be ur kids, dnt leave them for too long.

I sincerely wish good luck.

my dear i know it is not going to be easy.thanks

Are you trying to relocate completely or because of your studies
How long is your schooling
This your different career path so can't it be done in Nigeria
Ha na wa oh
All because of canada family won scatter
Wish you well oh

And once someone without any goal wants to leave naija
The next thing I hear is better life for kids
Better future
So laughable
Which better life are people talking about so?
Do you know the unemployment rate in the country you are relocating to?
Is the better life,snow,constant electricity,chicken and burger
Do useless kids exist in these countries?
What did you study and how have you been searching for a job

The money you're going to spend choosing another career path and schooling abroad,why not use it and go into business? Will going to abroad make life more better for you? Remember its gonna take a long time for you to settle down before bringing your whole family over. I advise you start up a business or you learn a handwork.

No you are not. My mother travelled when I was 8 and I joined her when I was 12 and there was no love lost. If you are able to see your children whilst you study then even better. It will definitely be hard initially, it was for me anyway at first because my mum and I were like bread and butter, inseparable even til today but before she left she use to teach in a village and I didn't get to see her everyday, just on holidays. Sometimes you have to do what's best for your family and not listen to what people say. As richy4 wrote people will talk regardless but as long as you know they will be with someone who loves and cares for them then you shouldn't worry. Just don't lose that connection with them. Skype and viber is there to be speaking to them and having them see your face everyday.

@OP,u aren't a bad mother with this idea of urs. Ignore what people will say. They will surely talk. Let me use my cousin as a case study
On getting married,she and her hubby applied for US visa,only to get it a year after she gave birth. She was without child when they applied so the visa covered only her and d husband.
She made a hard choice by leaving the baby with the mother. A choice she never regretted till date. On getting there, they started d documentation for the baby. Took almost 5 years before it finally worked.
And it was even better that way cos d boy was all grown and understands the situation (through almost daily contact with the parent via phone and video call) unlike if the boy was still 1/2, would have been very difficult taking the child. The dad just came over to pick him up and the boy quickly adapted to the place despite not recognizing them.
People surely talk,but are they d one that will feed u? House u? Support u when u are here? Mind less what people say.

olu4life:
@OP,u aren't a bad mother with this idea of urs. Ignore what people will say. They will surely talk. Let me use my cousin as a case study
On getting married,she and her hubby applied for US visa,only to get it a year after she gave birth. She was without child when they applied so the visa covered only her and d husband.
She made a hard choice by leaving the baby with the mother. A choice she never regretted till date. On getting there, they started d documentation for the baby. Took almost 5 years before it finally worked.
And it was even better that way cos d boy was all grown and understands the situation (through almost daily contact with the parent via phone and video call) unlike if the boy was still 1/2, would have been very difficult taking the child. The dad just came over to pick him up and the boy quickly adapted to the place despite not recognizing them.
People surely talk,but are they d one that will feed u? House u? Support u when u are here? Mind less what people say.

No you are not a bad mother. You have to do what's right by you and your kids.

Before I go any further, what are your plans? Stay back in Canada after studies or come back to Nigeria?

berem:
The money you're going to spend choosing another career path and schooling abroad,why not use it and go into business? Will going to abroad make life more better for you? Remember its gonna take a long time for you to settle down before bringing your whole family over. I advise you start up a business or you learn a handwork.

Not everyone is cut out for business and that's what some of us don't understand. I started one many years back and it's still running only because my husband(when he can)and sister help keep an eye on it. But I'm more into my professional job, that one I slaved in the uni to get a certficate for.

My point is the OP might be that person who isn't interested in business but white collar jobs. It's a sacrifice she has to make like we all do in one way or the other so,so be it. Yes she is spending money but spending it on something that's going to make her happy. A woman's life should not stop functioning right and as she wants it just because she is married with kids.

My second point is if it were a man who came on here to ask this question many of us would have urged him to go on ahead.

People do not see their kids for years and all this one is asking is 4-6 months.

1. You haven't gotten any decent job since 2008. It doesn't necessarily mean you haven't gotten any job at all. What is your definition of a decent job?

2. You don't have to pursue another career in Canada. You have to be sincere here, what's your final cummulative grade? I think it's easier, better and more reasonable to continue your search (job) in Canada (further studies, (postgraduate) will aid the available).

3. I noticed you're already preparing for unforseen contigencies between you and your hubby (nice move). My advice here can only be directed at your hubby.

4. Lastly, your kids aren't the number 1 priority; your husband is... Is your husband "okay" with your plan? Aside the "what people will say", is he in agreement with your plans?
You're going into another country with a wedding ring which can be thrown away at the slightest temptation (and ofcourse provocation). You should be concerned about your FAMILY at this point in time.

preciousberry:
Am a mother of two kids(5yrs and 3yrs).finished my NYSC since 2008 but have not gotten any decent job and its driving me crazy.i decided to chose a different career path which i intend doing abroad(study).i plan on leaving my children behind for my mother then bring them over once i settle and my hubby will join them but he will be shuttling between Nigeria and the country(canada) because of his business.All people keep telling me is that i can't achieve that since i have kids which if all works out fine my mother will be coming with us.my hubby is having a second thought about these whole plan because of what people will say.please i want to know if anybody has tried this before and if it actually worked.

Ma'am, your children will not be with your mother forever, neither will they live with you forever.
They are with your mother so I feel it's safe.
What's important is leaving with them a good legacy.

We shouldn't allow her kids suffer while they are young and when they become adults. The little we can do let us do so that life can be easy for them.
If Canada will achieve this for you then by all means go.

I am happy you are thinking and that you are not convenient sitting at home.
I hate stay home women.

Everyone can't go into business I understand that
But this career path so is it not done in naija
And the next thing pple will say is do what is best for your kids
And I ask what is best
Having a decent job in naija is that not best for your kids also
Do people still reason like this because of obodo oyibo?
See money she wants to waste
And after the schooling and no job nkor
Ignorance
She doesn't know jobless pple are in canada
Abeg let me get ready for work

berem:
The money you're going to spend choosing another career path and schooling abroad,why not use it and go into business? Will going to abroad make life more better for you? Remember its gonna take a long time for you to settle down before bringing your whole family over. I advise you start up a business or you learn a handwork.

Precious are you an engineer
Am so interested in you because of your kids
If you were single sef I won't bother
Pls reply

Honestly I don't like it,my kids are so dear to me ,especially during their early n formative years,if they were older no prob but they at too young to be left on their own even with your mum,remember this process may take years to work,sometimes the bond between mother n child is broken n d become strangers to each other,my humble opinion is look for greener pastures under your nose,your family will surely be affected if u travel,my 2 cents

I will say; go for it. You need to have solid plans in place though. Your hubby needs to be in total support of your plans.

My cousin sponsored his wife to the UK after she had the second baby. She had been unemployed for 4years. She left the kids with her husband and her MIL came to stay with them. Though in her case, she went for Post graduate studies. Finished 12months later. Fortunately, she got a job, worked for 18months and came to pick her kids. That's a total of 2.5years.

My cousin stayed back here in Naija cos he had a high profile job, but just relocated some months ago to go join his family. Took him 5 years to make that move.

I know how much my other cousins bad mouthed the lady. Said all sorts. That she left her kids with her hubby and MIL just to go pursue her "dream". And how kids should come first before any career. Bla bla bla. . . When she eventually picked the kids while the hubby was still here cos of his job, people still talked! How only a bad woman will "abandon" her husband without caring how he feeds. How the husband might marry a second wife. . . But today, no one remembers all that. They are doing so so well.

I'm not so close to the woman so can't get much info on how she coped. But I'm sure it wasn't easy for her. She visited every 6 months before the picked her kids. The hubby used to visit very often as he could comfortably afford to.

Bottomline is; people will ALWAYS talk! Trust me. You really cannot satisfy everybody. All you need do is have a solid plan and make sure your hubby is in full support. Whatever anyone says is for their pocket. 5-10years from now, they won't even remember they bad mouthed you. All they will see is someone who took a bold step for the greater good.

How many years is your program? You say you plan to pick your kids after 6 months? Are you sure you can cope with kids and studies? Are you sure changing career is the best move for you? Have you considered a PG program in your career? Factor in all these before you make that move.

Someone said there is unemployment everywhere and asking what the probability of her getting a job in Canada is. I will say; different people, different destinies. If she feel she will do better in Canada with the plans she has in place, then let her be. Some people have got good jobs here in Naija, but still relocate. Wonder why?

And for those suggesting she does business; please, business is not for everyone. I for one can not do business to save my life. It doesn't inspire me in anyway. I'm either doing my professional job or I'm jobless. Everyone should go for what works for them.

Acidosis:

And your point is?

So peole with good jobs in naija with access to good things in life still relocate?
I really need to be educated

NairaMode:

Ma'am, your children will not be with your mother forever, neither will they live with you forever.
They are with your mother so I feel it's safe.
What's important is leaving with them a good legacy.
We shouldn't allow her kids suffer while they are young and when they become adults. The little we can do let us do so that life can be easy for them.
If Canada will achieve this for you then by all means go.
I am happy you are thinking and that you are not convenient sitting at home.
I hate stay home women.

You hate Linda Ikeji?


Staying at home doesn't mean one is sleeping and watching TV all day. One can sweat all day in the street and still come up with zero returns and debt.

Moreover, OP is neither a stay home mom nor a jobless woman. According to her, she's yet to get a decent job. She might even be a banker looking for a position in Shell.

As a matter of fact, we all want better lives. From my deductions, OP is not searching for a "job"; she only wants a better life, which according to her, can be achieved via a Canadian degree.

olu4life:

And your point is?

" despite not recognizing them"


Funny scene

I really do appreciate all your contributions.the thing is that i started having kids right after my NYSC so it kinda slowed my career but i got a banking job when my first child was 6months.fast forward a year later i quit the job because l nearly lost my child in the hands of his nanny so i transferred to teaching with peanut pays,wasn't happy about that and now am into business which i don't see myself doing in the next 5yrs because am not into it,just to keep busy.Those asking if i can't do it in Nigeria,i studied engineering and graduated with 2.2 but has not done anything related to it cause i can't find one.
Any move i make today,i will always put my kids first.i don't even know how to stay one week apart from them but sacrifices has to be made.am not sidelining my hubby in this but am only looking for points to prove to him we can do it,at the end its his decision will be final.so thanks to you all for your advices cause i know so many women are in this dilemma today but afraid to speak out.

Acidosis:

You hate Linda Ikeji?


Staying at home doesn't mean one is sleeping and watching TV all day. One can sweat all day in the street and still come up with zero returns and debt.

Moreover, OP is neither a stay home mom nor a jobless woman. According to her, she's yet to get a decent job. She might even be a banker looking for a position in Shell.

As a matter of fact, we all want better lives. From my deductions, OP is not searching for a "job"; she only wants a better life, which according to her, can be achieved via a Canadian degree.

Baba no need for the enlightenment. Thanks though.
You already know what I mean by stay-home women.
Women who ain't doing nothing.