hello nairalanders! I wrote this poem for a girl am toasting, I need you guys to comment and positively critise. thank you.

Last night I saw you in my sleep
It excites like skiing down a steep
Your eyes like Gemstone brightens the night
I spontaneously felt like holding you tight
I held ur hand in mine
And admire ur palm and nails
I asked if u luv me, wit a gaze
Eloquently, u responded wit a YES!
I instantly woke up with a sigh of relieve
Praying it comes true or atleast
repeat

dis is nice, she will luv it

Nice!

Im abit of a dreamy guy and would make it more like the following.



Last night I saw you in my sleep.
Excites like skiing fast in the deep.

Going so fast that my heart felt floating. As i feel when your quoting.

Your eyes brightens the night, you are worth the fight. Holding you last night made me feel as a knight.

Holding your hand, so softly, so tender. Something i will always remember.

I admire your voice, even if you are screaming. Some people say it noise but it makes me dreaming.

When you asked to go out, i replied with a shout. Now my neighbors are awake and know it was all fake.

For me it was the best moment ever,

Nice one bro! you should visit my blog and post something. May be checkout some of my stuff as well,
'9ja Lyrics and poetry'
http://deffwill..com