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Humans Over Hoes (romance | Webseries) - Literature - Nairaland

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Do You Think Humans Can Get Satisfied? / Humans / Poem: Back To Hoes. (2) (3) (4)

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Humans Over Hoes (romance | Webseries) by Divepen1(m): 7:27am On Oct 03
Chapter 1
On a rating of one to ten, Angela would exceed 10 in beauty, even without her makeup, attachment, exotic dresses revealing her contours and tiny waist, sassiness, unfiltered words, and the evil look she was giving her friend, Iwalewa at the moment.
'Lewa, that's pure evil', Angela lamented. Her eyes contacts glared back at her from the mirror behind Lewa.
Angela was that fair girl that enters any room and takes away attention from every other person, makes men hold their breath, and women become conscious of their little defects. She was blessed with a slim body that matched her oval face. Alongside the gorgeous shape, her waist and flat tummy kept causing a distraction to any onlooker. Her moderate 5.8 height accentuated her well structured ears. Even her friends couldn’t help commending her beauty any time they met.
Lewa should have been the direct opposite of her friend. On a rating of natural beauty, she was just a number ahead of five. The only thing that gave her an edge was the voluptuous fronts she had and her massive makeup. No matter where the two friends went, their respective features always drew collective attention to the harmony of their beauty.
Had Angela’s ratings been below Lewa’s, she would have lived in Lewa's shadow because Lewa had the only thing Angela lacked: a desire for attention.
Lewa was staring at Angela now, and the only thing she could do was to maintain the eye-contact. Angela refused to back down from the staring competition. She knew Lewa's obsession with being the right.
That day, however, Angela wouldn't feed the naughty girl's demon. Her words would reset Lewa's brain and bring back the humanity in her.
'Lewa, you can't do that to my brother', Angela shouted again.
This elicited laughter from Lewa, exposing her semi-good dentition. 'Who is your brother, abeg?'
'You can't be doing this for Bayo. It's not right in any sense of it', Angela said and patted down her fringe. She probably would touch their edges with some gel after she was done schooling the brat in front of her.
' Bayo is not your brother. Your mothers are different. Please, don't do this to me now', Angela pleaded. ' I need you to cover for me. I must meet the Chief. This money can't just go for free'.
‘Dead that discussion. I can’t imagine how the young man must have felt’, Angela said.
Lewa drew nearer. 'I told you the last time my husband no longer cares'.
Angela rested back in her armchair and looked at her friend in the customers' seat just as she would look at a troublesome customer. Her eyes hobbled through her beautiful office, making her wonder how she would feel to see everything in it destroyed. Imagining that alone caused her to sigh because that's what Lewa and Bayo’s marriage.
Slowly, Angela shook her head. 'I've known Bayo since you introduced him. He would not care'.
'He truly doesn't get angry like before', Lewa said and frowned. Her brows furrowed alongside her squinting eyes. 'I think he's cheating'.
Angela chuckled. ' You see your life? You think everyone is cheating... That was how you assumed I was dating someone last week'.
Lewa looked up from the beautiful ceramic table she was now staring at. 'Of course, you're dating someone or meeting someone, and you're not telling me. I will find that out'.
' Ah! Who did this to Lewa? Who did this to my friend?' Angela cried.
Lewa sat up. Her brown gown straightened on her body and brought a glow to her face. On making up, Lewa had never needed help. In fact, Angela became a makeup artist because she once wanted to recreate Lewa's styles, and that took her deeper into the online study of makeup and the eventual physical education of the hobby turned career.
'Enough of me. Back to you...' Angela scolded.
'No. Back to my cheating husband', Lewa said dismissively.
'Lewisko, why do you think he's cheating?' Angela said and gestured a quote-sign in the air.
'No time. But he smiles like an idiot these days and plays a lot of video games whenever he's not engrossed in his work'.
‘It’s a good sign that he now trusts you’, Angela said.
‘Not in this lifetime. Don’t you know all those sudden dreamy looks and smile people use to have whenever they are in love. I think I once did, not knowing that he’s gullible and wouldn’t show any form of manliness’.
‘Well, you could have gone back to Taju. I still remember how his hands discoloured your face for weeks’.
‘It’s okay’, Lewa clapped and rolled her eyes. ‘No one asked for your history lesson’.
Angela scoffed. 'Ewele... This one off me o. Abeg park well. I don't have time. I need to go and see what those my girls are doing for our customers. I'll tell your husband that we're going to a party. That’s if he calls o. How many days?'.
'Just weekend. I'll be back by Monday'.
‘Let’s hope he doesn’t’ call’.
‘He won’t call. Bayo is becoming contented without me these days. I’ll go and return without anything going wrong. What could go wrong?’
'What if trailer jam you?' Angela wondered.
'Trailer will not jam me. I'll not die but live in Jesus name', Lewa's cried and jumped out of her chair. 'What kind of thought is that?'
Angela shrugged. 'That's the evil that falls on evil people'.
Lewa snapped her finger across her head. 'Lai Lai. Nothing will happen to me. I don't like such words or prayer. God knows I’m hating you per day…'
'Sorry o. You know I spit facts', Angela smirked.
'Leave me. Idiot, this your mouth, I'll be the one to remove it for you. I swear. Iya Angela will praise me las Las. Child of the world', Lewa retorted.
Angela burst into a laugh. ' I'm immovable and unshakable. Even if I'm corn, you can't swallow. I have 5G blessings flowing through my vein'.
'I'm going sef', Lewa grabbed her blue Dior handbag and marched out.
'Don't spoil my tiles o', Angela shouted. 'I'll collect my last dime'.
'In your mind', Lewa snared and walked away.
Angela sat there for a while as she watched her walk away. She hated what she just did again to Bayo. He didn't really like Angela and felt she was influencing Lewa's bad behaviour and she didn't know how to let him know that It's not her fault.
Lewa popped her head into Angela's office. 'Won't you see me off?'
' Of course... Don't just die. I can't be defending a lie'. Angela followed her.
Angela spent the rest of the day in her shop. Afterwards, she went home, ate, cooked, replied a lot of messages from clients, friends, and suitors, and then she pulled out her laptop.
Quickly, she navigated to her game, logged in to her fake Facebook account, and chatted up Bayo.
'Hey, boy. Ready to whooped again?'.
She held her breathe. Immediately, his message popped up. 'You came at just the right time. I feel like beating the whole world'.
She jumped out of bed and grabbed her pad, humming "hip hop hurray".

Lewa snapped her finger across her head.

Re: Humans Over Hoes (romance | Webseries) by Divepen1(m): 6:29pm On Oct 16
Lewa’s phone remained glued to her face as Bayo’s giggles repeatedly bounced into the room, distracting her. She felt like rushing over to him to let him know that he was disturbing her, that he seemed far away, that he wasn’t good enough for her, that she needed him by her side.
Yet, she couldn’t overlook the fact that she had repeatedly laughed too. Happiness flowed through her because of people’s response to her pictures on Facebook and WhatsApp status.
‘You guys are in for more’, she mumbled as she typed away.
Jolade had just promised to send more pictures from her 27th birthday party. Unlike Lewa, Jolade ignored the grumpiness of Eric, her husband’s, as she invited her wealthy male friends to her party.
Lewa didn’t need to be told that Eric was furious. Redness popped out at different parts of his face making him look like a ticking bomb, going tick, tock.
Bayo giggled again from the parlour, bringing Lewa back to the reality of the present.
It was time to let him see how mad she was at him. After all, she was never this careless and provoking, even with her escapade. Bayo had no reason to cheat on her. Yet, the person making him giggle wasn’t her and that was outrageous and disrespectful and needed to be stopped immediately.
‘Hey boo!’ She hopped out of bed and headed towards him.
Bayo wasn’t ugly. Quite the opposite, he was a real catch. Tall, dark, and handsome, and rich. Being an engineer, she never feared for the future or being with him. Her escapades with several people were from her insatiable desire for their attentions. If Bayo had been interested in Angela, they would have been better fit.
They were both compatible- two beautiful reserved people. The only difference between them was Angela’s uncouth mouth and ugly past.
‘Babe’. Lewa hugged him from behind. The parlour was massive, careful arranged, with exotic styles thrown here and there. The dinning area had a different form of lighting and wall paper, which was entirely different from the water 3D wall papers she used. The ground gave off that river feeling she wanted when she asked someone to install the floor tiles for her.
A big surprise smeared Bayo’s face as he turned towards her.
‘Ah! Ahn! Why the peeved look?’ Lewa complained.
‘What do you need o?’ Bayo said as his eyes darted to his game.
‘I need you…’ She said and rubbed her hefty chest against his head, kissing it afterwards.
‘Me? Die the idea. You’ve always been going for one party or the other with that stupid Ang… No… Not today… I can’t let you do this to me. I promise not to let her kill my joy’. Bayo refused to look at her face.
‘Leave the young girl’s name out of your mouth, bro’, Lewa hissed. ‘Come, let’s go to bed, at least’.
‘Oh… We’re about to win’, Bayo said and adjusted his headset and began to mumble into the mouthpiece. Lewa glanced at the TV and didn’t wish to like what he loved.
‘This is becoming a nuisance. You’re allowing something that wasn’t there before to be a part of our family’, Lewa cried. ‘You’ve never been a fan of games. Did I do wrong buying you game?’
She lumbered around him to obstruct his view of the flat screen. ‘Pick me or the foolish game’.
‘The game one million times’, Bayo yelled. ‘Get!’
‘Oh! I’m so going to…’ Lewa grunted as she hurried off to yank off the plug.
Everything became silent with a pop.
‘What did you?’ Bayo screamed.
She expected him to lash out at her. Instead, he returned to the plug and hurriedly put it back in the socket. ‘I really don’t have time for this nuisance’.
‘What’s all these, Bayo? You no longer have my time and don’t give me attention’, she lamented. ‘I’m now second fiddle to a foolish game. You and your freaking game are bizarrely and upsetting close’.
‘With this…’ Bayo said and continued trying to fix the TV. ‘With this foolish action, do you think you can ever be second fiddle again? Now, you’re like the third or even the last fiddle to everything in the house’.
‘You play this game like your life depends on it’.
‘Because it’s all I’ve got. I don’t have you or…’
At that point, she heard her phone ringing. ‘I’m not done here’.
Not minding the way she pushed the door midway and almost got slammed on the face, she turned briskly. ‘I’m coming for you’.
‘Go and learn how to be a better wife before you come for my game’.
‘Get lost!’
Angela was on the line.
‘Oh! I’m so glad it’s you. Your brother is doing it again’.
‘He’s on his foolish game again?’
‘Oh, Bayo! Hope you guys are not fighting oh…?’ Angela asked.
‘Blood will soon be the new paint in our house. He can either want me or stop playing that game’, Lewa shouted.
‘Remember, no means no’, Angela advised.
‘No kill you there. 600 years for you and your foolish no’, Lewa retorted. ‘I should have known you will support him’.
‘I can never support bad behavior. Not from you or from him’, Angela corrected and paused. ‘I just want you to thread gently. Try to distance yourself from him a little but ensure you’re doing all the things you ought to do’.
‘To what end? And be a foolish slave. Bring cup. Take cup, sir. Give me my food. Take food, sir. Oga your food don dey table’. Lewa pulled the pillow on his side of the bed and inhaled his body odour. ‘I miss the idiot when we’re living under the same roof’.
‘No. No. You’re the owner of his love and you should be in control of it. Demand it like you own it and not the way you are hysterical’, Angela chided.
‘Are you here to see how it has been his fault? You’ll just open mouth waa. Iyanu!’ Lewa shouted. ‘I’ll even press the red button now. No time for toxicity’.
‘Indaboski, you really need to be calming down’, Angela said. ‘I just called for my pictures. Jolade said you have them already and her android is dead. I need to quickly send one to Hanna. She wants to send the design to her stylist’.
‘Yes o. I’m not a preacher of love’, Lewa snapped. ‘Can’t Hanna ask Jolade to send the pictures too?’
‘You know she gats famz me na. I was the finest of you all that day and she had been snubbing me for sometimes now after I told her she wasn’t beautiful when she was body-shaming Tomiwa’.
‘Oh! Well, I will send them all’, Lewa replied.
‘Not all, please. Select the fine ones and send abeg. I don’t have time for long thing’.
After they have exchanged little pleasantries, Lewa slumped on the bed. She would send the picture and get back to her husband. As she swiped through the pictures, something caught her attention.
‘Wait.’ She murmured, sitting up.
Angela was indeed looking stunning and was staring longingly at someone. And that someone was her husband, Bayo. Lewa blinked repeatedly. Shaking her head, she zoomed in. There must be a mistake somewhere. All she could see was Bayo happily talking to someone else and Angela holding a glass cup of wine, yearning for Bayo.
‘Angela… is… so… Dead’, Lewa murmured.


Re: Humans Over Hoes (romance | Webseries) by germaphobe(m): 7:18pm On Oct 17
Thanks for the update. But truely boss, you're updating like this ain't you, too slow but i believe it's cus you're boxed up this days. Would love to get a link to the complete version if there's any.

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