Addictions, like almost every other thing on the planet, closely abide by the laws of nature. They usually start out like most babies do, probably after a moment of feral passion or probably because of a mistake (broken condom, forgot the pill) or maybe even just out of sheer curiosity. Of course if the baby addiction isn’t terminated (all pro-lifers say “NAY”), then it is birthed and at first it probably seems like a bundle of joy (now don’t most habits at first?)! Sooner than later, you’ll find out that the little devils do lots of crying and shitting (pardon my French) and can really be a thorn in the arse (the sleepless nights, the hangovers, the bronchitis etc).

The more you feed the pesky little mongrels, the more insatiable they become. Soon you’ll be entirely overwhelmed by how big they’ve grown and you’ll find out that you can’t boss them around anymore. In fact, when your addiction becomes a teenager, it basically becomes wild and it just doesn’t listen anymore. You no longer call the shots and everything attempt to tame the wild beast proves futile eventually.

Once your teenage addiction becomes a full grown man (or woman, for my female readers), then it exists independently from you as an entity. And the worst part is that at this point, it is way stronger than you are (now can’t most 40yr olds beat up their parents?). It just cannot be stopped. You just have to live with it. However there is hope. Just keep reading dammit.

Anyway when your full grown addiction turns about 65, it develops a hunch back, bad skin, funny body odour and the like ( y’all catch my drift right?). It starts waning and it finds out that it just can’t do the things that it used to do when it was 25. Now if you managed not to out-age your addiction, then you’ll probably be able to knock it over the head when it’s not looking or something like that (if anyone knows better ways to kill an old man please feel free to chip it in the space provided over here………………………, ) and well that ends the life of your addiction. You go Scott-free.

However in some very rare and annoying circumstances, the addiction manages to stay alive and all efforts to put it to rest once again seem fruitless (now you know those old people that everyone prays that they die…yes those ones…the ones you try to suffocate or poison but still stay alive). At this point you are left with the old smelly man in the next room that keeps you up all night because he’s trying to use the loo or you keep putting too much sugar every time in his coffee that you’ve been trying to make for the past 2 hours. Now you wonder why you didn’t get rid of the damned thing before it was even born (or use a rubber or the pill and all that….feel free to chip in other methods of contraception). Classic case of the devil and the deep blue sea (with sharks, if I might add).

You die asking yourself this question: “Which one is easier to kill? A Baby? Or A very old man?”


Copyright 2007 Terwase I. Inc. Most rights (apart from the right to laugh or comment) reserved.