Welcome.

I decided to share my life as a mother of an autistic kid who never thought I would be in this position.

I hope you will find our experiences beneficial to you and give you the courage and hope you will need to take care of a special-needs child.

My daughter and I love you and look forward to building a community with you.

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Autismmomnaija

The Rocky Road To Discovering My Only Child Is Autistic!
From Concern to shock, to fear, then denial, lashing out, forgiveness, acceptance, resolve, and finally... recovery.


THE BIRTH

Isabel was born a healthy 3.8kg beautiful, calm, strong, happy, bubbly baby. She was one of the strongest babies I had ever seen. I pushed for almost 2 hours and there were no defects or illnesses at birth.

I was determined to give my boo-boo mama the best, so I did 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding. And I loved it. She never took ill within those 6 months, even during her immunizations. She was the model baby.

For milestones, my Lil girl impressed the living daylight out of me. She crawled before the stipulated time, sat up, loved the walker as soon as she was placed in it. I was so excited when she stood up by herself at 8 months and took her first steps... Gosh, the feeling!

At 6 months in her walker, she looked at me and shouted "mama." Those were her first words. I couldn't believe my ears. She said it again, I got out of my shock and quickly put my video capture on and she said "mama" twice and I got it all on video while screaming with happiness.

Her voice was husky at such a tender age and I was so proud.

WHEN I STARTED HAVING CONCERNS

On her 1st birthday, Isabel received 6 immunizations and developed a fever. We went to the hospital, she recovered and we moved on.

Prior to that, at 9 months of age Isabel took ill and we had to put her on a course of antibiotics. That was the first of many antibiotics we would take.

I'm not sure at what point, but I began to notice that Isabel wasn't exactly like other kids. I had moms bring their babies over to play and I noticed the babies try to hug Isabel, but she would back away, she had no words, she would just babble a little and struggle for the toys.

Everyone told me to be calm, some babies are delayed, don't worry yourself, she will speak, when she starts speaking you will beg her to stop so enjoy the quiet, etc...

At this point, I want to say that if you're a mum and your baby isn't hitting at least three to twenty words or pointing or trying to imitate or respond to your facial expressions at age 1, you should officially be concerned. Don’t be fooled into waiting. Get an assessment done with a doctor.

THE SHOCK OF DISCOVERY

I waited until Isabel was 18 months and I was ready to rejoin the workforce before I enrolled in a creche

That was when shit literally hit the fan for me.

One month after enrollment, the proprietress walked up to me and said "something is wrong with Isabel. She is not like the other kids. I recommend you see a doctor before it’s too late. There's a solution for everything."

I went from shock to fear, then anger and denial in the space of one minute. How dare she? Nothing was wrong with my baby, why would she think that?

FEAR

She apologized but said it was her place to bring this to my attention and invited me to sit in on one of Isabel's classes.

I told my family. They were angry on my behalf. Who made her judge and jury? What qualified her to pass such statements, they said everything I wanted to hear.

Lo and behold, I accepted the invitation to sit in (unobserved by Isabel) on her classes, and here's what I observed:

Isabel didn't make eye contact with anyone-- including the teacher.

She was always playing by herself.

She never let any of the kids play with her or touch her save for one kid.

She will follow the teacher wherever she went.

She will run back and forth during class and never get involved.

She never spoke, listened, or responded to instructions from her teacher.

She would scream at the top of her lungs whenever the teacher tried to get her to use a pencil or crayon.

She slept fitfully, for short periods and will wake up crying premium tears.

She would flap her hands continuously and walk on tiptoe.

At this point, it finally hit me that something was wrong.

FINDING ANSWERS

This began our journey back and forth from the hospitals. I spoke to different pediatricians, got referred to hospitals, I went back and forth from LUTH to an audiologist to an assessment center and my daughter was finally diagnosed as autistic and placed on the spectrum.

MY PAIN

I cannot capture all that I went through in one paragraph, I'm a single mom, working a full-time job. I started having more white hair, wrinkles, heart palpitations, my finances were shit, I got no support from my daughter's dad. In my mind, I felt he thought I had given him a defective child (yes I shared the news of the diagnosis with him hoping to generate empathy). whose life he didn’t want to be a part of.

On a mental note, I was suffering. I couldn't understand how Isabel became autistic. I read and nothing made sense because it said there was no cure, just a series of therapies to help autistic kids learn social skills and navigate life and a bunch of drugs (mainly with negative effects) to suppress aggressive behavior and stop them from self-harm.

I couldn't even identify the cause either. Some studies said hereditary (I have no one that's autistic and neither does her dad), some sources said immunization (not proven), some environmental factors, and exposure to certain elements.

I felt like a failure. I told myself this life is already hard for me, how on earth will she survive? I thought God was punishing me for something, I felt like a failure for denying that something was wrong.

THE LASH OUT

Then I began to dislike my daughter. Every tantrum, self-inflicted injury, the picky-eating, the teeth grinding, the amounts of money I spent every time she fell ill and I had to spend money at the hospital.

The nights she would stay awake for 4 hours crying or playing, the babbling without any real words, no attempts at imitation.

Sometimes I would scream at her in anger when she pooped in her diaper, then dipped her hand and smeared it from wall to floor in the bedroom. I would scream, yell at her, and cry in helplessness.

She would scream right back or ignore me totally. We weren't communicating.

I couldn't even begin to think of a cure. I was wiped out from all the hospital visits and I was barely hanging on paying for clothing, food, school fees, hospital bills, and therapy while supporting my mom.

AND THEN WE GOT SEPARATED

Then Tragedy Struck. A month after we commenced therapy, I lost my job and the apartment it came with and was forced to leave my mom and daughter with my sister in Abuja while I stayed with a friend to get my act together again.

Factor in Covid19 and the rising cost of the economy and it was only until 8 months later I could hold my Isabel in my arms again.

REFLECTION & RESOLVE

Being away from Isabel for 8 months, I missed her, I worried about her diet, the patience of her carers, her aches, illnesses, injuries sustained, sleep patterns, what she was watching, what she was learning, everything.

I also used the period to research a lot about autism and how I could help. I began to understand that I was not the only one in this predicament. I saw other parents were dealing with this too, but hiding their pain.

I began to embrace the idea of helping Isabel to be the best she can be. I listened to motivational preaching, prayed, fasted, discussed with people, doctors, and all. Searched out autism dietitians and counselors and continue to research till date.

I came across celebrities like Tisha Campbell, the Otedolas who also have kids dealing with autism, asd, and other disorders, and allowed their stories to give me hope.

I think I made my peace with myself within these 8 months. I decided to try harder rather than bemoan my fate. I mean there I was with a child whom I saw as a burden, but fate separated her from me inexplicably for 8 months. They were the longest months ever.

I never stopped loving her, worrying about her, praying for her. I never even felt comfortable having any fun when she wasn’t around. I realized then that I had to do my best for her.

My research had exposed me to natural and holistic methods of managing autism via diet, detox, supplements, and therapy, and a strong support system as against giving suppression drugs which with consistency could lead to an 80 - 905 recovery.

REUNITING WITH ISABEL

When I got to see my daughter again, she didn't recognize me at all. She had forgotten me. But I was happy to see her healthy and in good spirits, though prior to this, I video called my sister every day, sometimes thrice a day just to see my baby. She didn’t recognize me in the calls of course and barely paid attention to me.

COMING HOME

We had to endure a delayed flight and finally got home at 12 am with a food stop in between a mountain of traffic (this Lagos life sha!)

She withdrew into herself, threw a fit the first couple of days-- a change of environment was one of the reasons I believe.

PUTTING MY BEST FOOT FORWARD

It's been a month now and I have since started her special diet and other activities and guess what?

The teeth grinding has stopped, she sleeps throughout the night, many times now she screams mainly from the excitement that I'm back from work. We've started therapy and though her attention still wanders a whole lot...but she focuses on the 1st 10 mins.

Isabel actually picks up a pen or pencil or crayon and paper and doodles by herself now.

It’s fantastic.

As a typical Naija woman from the south-south, we don't understand the acceptance of bad situations. Our motto is to "Push Until Something Happens." I believe that this is our journey to full recovery for my baby Isabel.

And I will be providing updates on health, foods, detox, therapies, places, and different aspects of our lives and the lives of other autism parents with similar beliefs.

I wish someone else had the courage to share earlier when I was in panic mode, but I understand that raising an autistic child is like raising 3-5 normal kids of the same age at the same time.

Let me help save you months and years of denial, fear, uncertainty, and pain while encouraging you to embrace love and the challenge of raising a special needs angel. Because that’s what they are.

Together we can do this.

Stay Strong My Auti-heroes.

AutismMomNaija!

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What God cannot do does not exist. Oh yes, where are my NSPPD people at?

As a born and bred Naija babe, I know that you know that we know that everything we do here begins and ends with God.

Whether Christian, Muslim, Traditionalist, Eckist, Buddhist, et al, our religious beliefs drive us so hard.

Little wonder it is the first solution that many of us turn to when faced with a dilemma.

The challenge here is making it the "only solution" we turn to.

I heard about a family with an autistic son. First of all the kind of shame and blame that happened to the mother was appalling.

Despite research and textbooks saying autism has no known cause or cure, portions of her family still managed to find her guilty and ostracize her. She had little support to no support and understanding when she needed it the most.

She would take this child alone to a certain church for deliverance for 3 - 5 days at a stretch. The noise and commotion from the speakers would make this boy child howl and scream himself to exhaustion through each deliverance.

People took it for ‘’the spirit of autism’’ leaving the child's body. Hungry and exhausted, the boy will lay quietly and it was assumed he was healed.

Once they got home and he started regaining his energy, his symptoms would return with vigor and he will continue with his aggressive behavior.

She went back and forth for a while before she resorted to the use of drugs to suppress his symptoms.

I can't tell what happened to the family after that, but just imagine how much better her life, the life of her son, and her family as a whole could've with a little bit of encouragement from the people that cared the most and if she had known enough to back up those prayers with works?

As an autistic parent living in Lagos— you can read my discovery story, I had my fair share of blame and criticisms from friends and family. I became so defensive (aggressive in defending my kid) until I got tired and just started kinda hiding her away from people.

I prayed, I fasted then I got angry and stopped praying, then I ran back to God begging for forgiveness and praying again and again.

Prayer does work and while I believe that God is still in the business of healing people, I know that he is also in the business of teaching people.

I have come to understand that it is not always about God taking away the problem, sometimes it’s about inviting him into the problem to walk you through it. To help you discover the meaning, intent, and purpose of that problem.

So here I am today, having learned to back up my prayers with work. And I truly mean a 360 degrees approach to enabling my child to win in life.

This means that I am paying special attention to her health and well-being: especially in areas such as:

~Food

~Medication

~Supplements

~Therapy

~Teaching

~Detox

~Playtime

~General Development

Without my daughter being affected, I would probably never have known about autism. I wouldn’t have been as health-knowledgeable as I am today.

Read the full post here - https://autismmomnaija.substack.com/p/back-up-those-prayers-with-work

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