Are you an appointed or elected official who makes up for the bottomless pit of insecurity and inadequacy in your life by squandering public resources on a life of luxury? If yes, then this article is just for you.

Remuneration

Nigeria needs to invest $60-$100 billion for 500 years to plug our infrastructure deficit and the $100+ per barrel glory days are long gone but so what? Maintain and increase your salary packages, pensions and entertainment allowances when and where possible. Who cares if Nigeria burns to the ground when you get to rule the ruins. It is better to be a King of the jungle, than not to be a king at all.

Revenue

You need money to actually run the government but the post-chop-and-clean-mouth account balance is low? Find ways to generate money from the private sector. So what if the people outside the political circus already struggle to get by? Squeeze them further by introducing taxes, tariffs, tolls, levies, charges, fees, dues, and contributions with the end goal of creating government monopolies where possible.

Generosity

After you’ve safeguarded your looted wealth, become a philanthropist. Besides spending what’s left of the loot making up for your earlier years of sexual depravity, give money out so people know you are generous. It takes a man to loot money but it takes a bigger man to redistribute a microscopic fraction of it to curb the poverty you helped create.

Borrowing

You’ve secured the personal bag so its time to deal with the inconvenience of running a country so you need to borrow BIG. Since you’ve secured your family and subsequent generations, why not mortgage the future of everyone else through debt. Oh and don’t forget to borrow from China. It is not like China is known for Debt Trap Diplomacy or anything.

Invest in Citizenship

In the event that the sh*t hits the fan for you by virtue of power changing hands or Nigeria descending into ruins, make sure you have your backup citizenship for you and your family so you don’t face the consequences of your actions. Forget about your sins and don’t worry about Karma or hellfire. But why I’m I telling a politician that? Your new citizenship should protect you from that since we all know Nigerian-made Karma does not function well in the abroad.