What the other person is saying makes no sense. How many times have you had this thought when dealing with an unreasonable person? One whose only aim in life seems to prolong conversations to death and turn promising scenarios into impossible ones.

Those of us who live a people’s life regularly come across such people. We have no choice but to deal with them as our work-life demands we take their opinion into consideration. That despite the fact that we know what they’re saying goes against the grain of rationality.

What we need, first of all, to deal with such arbitrary people is lots of patience. The next thing we require not to lose our mind while talking to them is tricks. Those which could give us an insight into their mind and their thinking pattern. That way, we’d be able to reason with them better.

Read on to know about such tips and tricks using which you can reason with unreasonable people:

#1: Ask open-ended questions
Imagine that an irrational person is sitting right in front of you with a UVC lamp between you. Both of you are having a conversation in which your views are polar opposite from each other. You know you’re right, but you cannot convince your friend to subscribe to your viewpoint.

In such a scenario, you’re presented with two papers. Each of them contains one question only. You have the option to select one piece of paper and ask the question written on it to your friend in the hope that doing so might help change their mind. Here are the questions.

The first says brazenly: “Don’t you think you’re absolutely wrong?” The second question seems more diplomatic: “What is it that makes you so certain that you’re right?” Which of these two will provoke a more reasonable response? Of course, the latter.

Asking the first question will backfire as it would convince your friend to become defensive. They might end up getting more certain of their opinion and more eager to rebut yours. The second question will allow them to doubt their own belief by planting seeds of curiosity in their mind.

#2: Listen to their responses
Do you know what the other person – who you’ve mentally tagged as unreasonable – is thinking of you while you’re trying to change their mind? They return the compliment by thinking that you too are an irrational person who cannot change their mind. Debunk such a belief by listening to them.

All of us want to feel heard. We quickly zoom out of conversations in which the other person keeps on inserting their unsolicited advice. That is why it’s important that while dealing with difficult people, you make them feel that their opinion isn’t falling on deaf ears. Here’s how you can really do that.

Focus on what the other person is saying. Ask them questions about why they’re saying what they’re saying. This will give them a clue that you’ve ‘bought into’ the conversation. That you aren’t another ‘logic bully’ – a person who (tries to) intimidate others with their arguments.

Listening with a keen focus isn’t enough on its own. You need to listen to them to understand their viewpoint – not to make a mental note of what to say next. This way, as the conversation will go on, the speaker will, hopefully, start seeing the holes in their argument, even if they won’t admit it to you.

#3: Stay calm and don’t judge
Start with the importance of staying calm amid difficult conversations. Such situations are most of the times emotionally charged. It is extremely easy for the participants to ‘lose themselves’ in the heat of the moment and say a few things that they’d later regret.

Make sure you don’t go that route. Monitor your breathing as you’re talking or listening to the other person. Take a few slow and deep breaths. Think before you speak. All these things would make sure that even when the situation is fully loaded, you have no part to play in it.

The next thing you should do is to keep your mind from trying to judge the other person. You have absolutely zero knowledge of what the other person is going through. Or what experiences they have had in life that hardened their opinion to such an extent.

Most of us act unreasonable when we’re feeling vulnerable. Others do it out of fear. It’s better therefore that you don’t try to judge the other person. Doing so won’t only make a bad impression of theirs in your mind, but it might also poison whatever relationship you have with them.

#4: Don’t get defensive
People with hardened opinions mostly try to make the other person feel inadequate. They use logics or arguments to make the other person feel that their opinion is inferior. That it cannot stand the test of rationality with the hope that the other person will get defensive.

Getting defensive ("no, I'm not!" won’t only encourage the other person. It might also escalate the stand-off and you might end up sharing the blame for things you are not responsible for. And they might come out of the conversation feeling vindicated with a UVC light bulb on the wall.

That’s why we recommend that you keep the spotlight at the other person. One way you could do that is asking questions – not those which you brought to the table, but which have come into your mind while you were listening keenly to their arguments.

Such an approach would bring two benefits. It would decrease their ability to be domineering in the conversation and steer it whichever way they want. Secondly, and this is more important, it would play a role of holding a mirror to their thoughts, thereby letting them see the holes in their viewpoint.

#5: Swap extremes with facts
The main reason you’re reading this article is because you’ve dealt with difficult people in the past. We can therefore assume you know how they like to exaggerate their viewpoints by using absolutes such as ‘impossible’ or ‘always’ or ‘never’. You need to swap these extremes with facts.

For instance, if the other person is saying that the job market is the best it has been in history, you could point to a particular year when it was even better. If they feel that the world is going to the dogs, you could point to the books that say exactly the opposite.

Doing this would require a lot of effort on your part. You’ll have to come into the argument armed with facts. That means you’d have to spend a lot of time beforehand. But doing so will benefit you in more ways than one. Here’s why I’m saying that.

Once you swap extremes with facts, you bring down the temperature a notch or two. The replacement of hard-headed emotions with cool-headed assessments puts the scenario into its proper perspective. Both of you are then led towards a common ground where you may reach a common opinion.

#6: Don’t tolerate aggressive behavior
You cannot reason with aggression. The only way you can counter it is shutting it down straight away. If someone is shouting at your or trying to cow you into fear, clearly and firmly tell them that you won’t hear what they have to say until they get their emotions in check.

Doing so might force the other person to get back their composure. Then you may want to keep the conversation going if you’re feeling safe. However, if they continue to be unreasonable, end the conversation, tell them why you’re doing it, and then report their poor behavior to your higher ups or the authorities.

Here’s one example: “I don’t think I’d be able to listen what you have to say to me unless you tone down your voice. Let us revisit this argument when you aren’t shouting at me.” This will tell the other person that you aren’t weak and there are boundaries they have to respect while talking to you.

Conclusion
Almost all of us have people in our lives which are difficult to argue with. Knowing how to deal with them, especially if you have no choice but to see them on a regular basis, is crucial if you don’t want to end your relationship with them altogether.

That’s where the six tips mentioned above come in. They require you to ask open-ended questions, listen to what the other person has to say and not get defensive while standing your ground. You’re also advised to swap extremes with facts and stay calm during a heated conversation.

However, if you feel that the situation is getting out of hand and the other person is getting aggressive without rhyme or reason, you shouldn’t tolerate it. You might want to end the conversation there and then, tell the other person the reason why you’re doing it and report their behavior to the higher ups.