It goes without saying that the scary traditional marriage requirements involved in certain Nigerian cultures is preventing a lot of marriages from actually happening.

Most times this outrageous marriage demands are blamed on greedy parents, but the reality is that these parents are sometimes merely victims of a devious traditional marriage institution that is only convenient for the wealthy.

For example, in most Igbo cultures it's not actually parents that decide what a suitor should bring, rather it's a flawed traditional system created by greedy village elders for selfish reasons that determines these and circulates same to parents who are often unwilling partners in this travesty.

In some cases these customs are enacted by men who couldn't have children, do not have daughters, or are wealthy and can afford to pay the outrageous requirements for their son in law's - their endgame might be to frustrate other less privileged girls from marrying or just out of spite.

So basically, the parents don't actually sit down to write all these rubbish, they simply make photocopies either from the kindred or the general community.
As a rule, there are different lists for indigenes and nonindigenes (of course nonindigenes pay way higher).

So in this context, it is out of the parents hands, and actually in the hands of stupid relatives or community elders who had no contribution to the girl's nurturing, yet they get to decide what is paid as her dowry.

Failure to follow these customs would attract sanctions and that is why some parents just go with the flow, not necessarily out of greed.

Before my father passed away, he charged us not to collect a penny for any of his daughter's, he maintained that the best dowry was to look after his daughter in a loving and peaceful home. However, after his demise some of my uncles nearly turned my sister's marriage rites to a bazaar, but for the insistence of my mom and elder brothers. They made it clear that they had a solemn charge and would not let anyone derail that. In the end they only managed to reach a compromise where no dowry was paid except for a symbolic #10 note that was presented and returned to the inlaws. But other items were provided even though they would have preferred something more modest, instead of the elaborate demands my uncles got.

Being my father's son, I have vowed that I will decide what should be brought for my daughter's marriage rites if God permits me to witness that, I will not be railroaded into making outrageous demands on my son inlaw no matter how wealthy he may be. I will not let any silly kindred or community list probably authored by dead people; to make me look unreasonable and greedy.
Should I decide to be greedy, it would be because I want to not because my community imposes it on me.

I think it's time someone spoke out in defense of innocent parents who are sometimes unwilling accomplices in this elaborate extortion disguised as traditional marriage rites.

And maybe, this is a wake-up call for parents to retake control of their daughter's marriage rites, while the community focuses on building roads, town halls or anything else that communities are supposed to do.

Shallom.