Yes I said it with my full chest, romance is not sex (many times) especially for women. For some days now, I’ve been writing about women not because I want to be one-sided but because we just need to clear some issues at once.

A man can have a busy day at work or during the day and still return very ready for this ride but a woman’s body does not work like that. The good news, however, is, if you know the right thing to do, you can get her ready in no time.

This is not an article to encourage women to say no to their husbands biko, this is just another lesson to learn or be reminded of. Women are like flower, the more the water, the more the blossoming. It is no more news that women are not always logical but are rather emotional and so much is needed to make that emotional bank remain in 'green'.

When last did you follow her to salon to make her hair? Hormones suddenly started raging and she’s feeling like she just wants to be alone, how much of sweetness can you give her to bring her out of that mood?

To many women I’ve seen or met over time, the little things that you don’t take cognisance of matter a lot. When she’s acting up like a child, or just quiet, what about some cuddling without even asking her what the issue is? You just keep cuddling and make her feel secured, she will start talking like a bird, I tell you.

At such points, she is not in need of sex. She only wants some warmth from you, some words of affirmation, sweet words and touch will do the magic and sometimes, this may end where you want, and other times, it may not, but please don’t force it.

When last did you take her out? Taking note of the tiny details about her is romantic to her and she will surely cherish it. Spend time with her, hold her hands or kiss her lightly, hug her lightly in order to make her feel the presence of her loved one, this is romance and not once you touch her, she should be reminded that it is time for their duty which will make her give you as obligation and not fun.

For emotional deposit (or bank) to remain green and not in red, you have to be mindful of each other’s emotional needs. Check if you both are still on the same page occasionally, give your spouse room to discuss fears or expectations without the fear of being judged. Appreciate your spouse on a daily basis, the text message to say 'you are awesome' and 'the right one for me', means a lot.

Sometimes, when your partner complains about something, don’t jump to start solving or rendering motivational speeches, simply express how much you’re personally feeling the issue too till you both are relaxed to think of a solution.

What about the stress factor? Look at how you both can reduce stress to enjoy each other’s company and be receptive.

Communicate and have an open mind, be deliberate about understanding your spouse. Give listening ears, celebrate him or her, respect opinions.

Next time you’re thinking about that 'Jerusalem trip', ask yourself how much of emotional deposit you have made to bring such smooth ride. Otherwise, expect an obligation and not a love making.

Remember that marriage is like a bank, what you deposit is what you can withdraw, make the right deposit.

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Kool