I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago - Nairaland / General - Nairaland
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| I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sheemitwu: 8:28am On Apr 20, 2011 |
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. I can honestly say that after many difficult times that we are happy today. But this was not always the case. When we got married we were both young and in love but we both came from divorced parents and did not get much advise about how to be married. But we wanted thought that getting married was better than living together unmarried. My husband and I met at a party. We enjoyed each other very during the dating stage. But after we got married my husband still wanted to go to night clubs, parties, and even strip clubs with his friends but wanted me to stay in the house. I thought marriage was supposed to end such ways. He always said that married men can still do what single men do. My husband eventually cheated on me. When I found out he would just say he can do what he likes because he is handsome. I try to swallow that but inside I never accepted that because I dont believe that was fair. Later his junior brother came to live with us for about 7 months. He would comfort me when I would cry for my husband. I started to feel better when he was around to cheer me up. I started to feel love from him and in my weakness slept with my brother in law. I became pregnant with my son and after he was born my brother in law would tease me that my son is his. I told him that I did not want to continue with hime and I never meant for this to happen. My brother in law moved out. He said we would not discuss this issue again. Things got better in our marriage and my husband matured out of his ways. My son is 5 years old now and he is my husband's pride and joy. Lately my brother in law is bring this issue to me again and said that he just want to know if my son is his. I assured him my son in NOT his! But I cannot know this for sure. I just know that my husband and I made it to the rough times and we three wonder kids 2 sons and 1 daughter. I dont want my past mistake to ruin my life and my family. I have prayed to God so many times for forgiveness. I am just so scared that my brother in law could exposed my mistake. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Nobody: 10:12am On Apr 20, 2011 |
 You slept with your BIL in your husband's house? Jeeez!  |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Abbycrown(f): 11:25am On Apr 20, 2011 |
Wow! That's something to be really scared of. It's indeed terrible! |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by dayokanu(m): 4:53pm On Apr 20, 2011 |
Saintly naija women |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sheemitwu: 6:22pm On Apr 20, 2011 |
I'm not perfect and if I could change this mistake I made I would do it. It was a foolish thing I did a long time ago. I want my husband to find out ever. I just need to be able to tell my brother in law something to convince him that the issue is better left alone for everyone involved. Please peoople I know that this was a bad mistake but I just would like to know some advise about how best to handle this situation. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by armyofone(m): 7:01pm On Apr 20, 2011 |
ummm, tell him the truth and if he dump you as a result, all is well. better than living in the nightmare you have now. abeg o, start to save up for the eventualities |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by soreola(f): 1:53am On Apr 21, 2011 |
get a dna test done. . . that will assure u even more (since u say u r sure he is not ur BIL's) and u can shove the results in ur BIL's face. . . but i agree with the above poster. . .tell ur hubby |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by OAM4J: 2:58am On Apr 21, 2011 |
Wahala! Your BIL must be daft. Tell him that the boy is his and let him go and face your husband to claim him. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sissy3(f): 4:15am On Apr 21, 2011 |
do you think the boy might be his (BIL) giving the timing? your BIL looks like the type that wouldnt let this die, no matter your beggings. he is the type that would like to reclaim his son years later especially when he marries and is unable to have his own child. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sheemitwu: 4:26am On Apr 21, 2011 |
I beg him o please let the issue die. I even secretly hope o god let my brother in law die. I dont even know what I would begin to say to my husband. He tries his best to be a good father and provider for us. This would really kill him. We settled our differences years ago and agreed to treat each other well and now his brother is making trouble. I wish he would go, go and run in front of a bus! I know that is not a christian attitude but God help me if my husband find out. I dont know how I can even say the words of confession to him. What could I say that woul not crush his heart? |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by JeSoul(f): 3:14pm On Apr 21, 2011 |
Sheemitwu, in this situation, the saying "the truth will set you free" is apt and fitting. If you do not go before your husband in humility and brokeness of heart now, this will forever hang over your head. And we all know secrets always have a nasty way of coming out. It will be better for your husband to find out from you than through some other terrible way. I actually admire and commend you Sheemitwu for staying with him even through those terrible times of him cheating on you with complete disregard for your feelings. Not to apportion blame, but it was his disrespectful and hurftul behavior that drove you to the arms of his brother. You are both equally to blame. My advice sister, tell your husband the entire truth. Leave nothing out. You will not have peace until you do. Even if you BIL goes away, you will hold the knowledge in your heart like a heavy burden that will rob your marriage of its best joy and fulfilment. You said he has changed into a wonderful man - then trust that he will forgive you and work your hardest to earn his forgiveness and regain his trust. This will crush his heart no doubt, but imagine how much worse it will be when (and its only a matter of time) he finds out by some other means. We've all made terrible mistakes we wish we could take back - but its what we do after the mistakes that'll determine the kind of person you are and how you go on forward from there. Don't underestimate the power of coming clean - that will mean a lot to him. I pray all works out best for you both as well as your children. Have faith and have hope you can both overcome this. Godbless. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by ifyalways(f): 5:47pm On Apr 21, 2011 |
@OP,Go for a DNA test for the boy alongside your other children. If,Just, If you are lucky and the boy is for your husband,Please do NOT confess nothing to your husband.Ask God for forgiveness and bury that side.Burn the DNA test result. When next your BIL comes close to you to yarn rubbish shout him down and ask him to do his worst.Its your word against his own. . . You don't know/understand what he has smoked and whatever he is saying is strange to your ear shikena !.If matter hard,suggest DNA testing. BUT,If u go for the tests and the boy is not for your husband . . .still brave up. Be the first to tell your husband.Many a woman might claim the BIL r.aped them and they decided to keep it within themselves for the sake of peace . . .you know your hubby better.Is he the forgiving type?Do u have money somewhere?I have never seen or heard of a man that forgave a cheating wife . . .not to talk of a woman that slept and got herself pregnant by the BIL. why u just did not use the darned CD or pill beats me  |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by dayokanu(m): 5:58pm On Apr 21, 2011 |
I agree with Ifyalways Get a DNA and if its not your BIL, then vehemently deny it even to the point of death But if its your BIL's baby then God help ypu. Confessing to your husband might not be a good idea, I dont want to imagine how a man would react knowing his wife was sleeping with his own brother thats awful Dont confess nada. We die with some secrets jare and this might be one of them. How many born again would confess that they killed, raped someone or slept with a mad woman to make money |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sheemitwu: 6:41pm On Apr 21, 2011 |
My spirit is so low right now and I could not get to sleep last night. I thousght about bringing the issue to my husband before we went to bed. I know him well. To tell him this truth is to lose him and I have NO DOUBT that would be the reality, even if our son is his. He is a true naija igbo man and no way he would swallow this. What things he did in the past will not be enough to excuse my actions in his mind. Even thought he told me sorry a hundred times about his cheating, he still would never forgive this. I love him but I was not blessed with a husband with that kind of forgiving heart. I just dont know. I was crying last night in bed after he went to sleep but I make sure he did not hear me. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Nobody: 8:17pm On Apr 21, 2011 |
/// |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by ifyalways(f): 8:29pm On Apr 21, 2011 |
Chaircover,just to answer ur question in regards to the DNA testing,as long as she's sure the other kids are for the man,she can go with allher chidren and have them all tested,If they all match then the praternity aspect is cleared. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by dayokanu(m): 8:55pm On Apr 21, 2011 |
IMO, I dont think you should do any confession yet when you know the result of such confession |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sissy3(f): 8:21am On Apr 22, 2011 |
if she does the dna test and the BIL is the father, she will probably have to do a double explanation. the husband wouldnt be too happy to find out not only that she cheated but also went behind his back and did a dna test. unless, she is willing to keep the first result a secret and redo the test again because the husband would most likely prefer to do a dna test too. @ Ify and Dayo the idea of denying it entirely might be easier IHMO, if the dude in question was an outsider. however, for the simple reason that the dude is her BIL, it might be a harder pill to swallow. i mean, the husband must be really convinced to believe that his brother must be telling lies. if she claims violation it will be a double whammy on her conscience because she fully knows he didnt violate her and it might even cause a bigger problem between the two brothers than the affair truth would have. claim it didnt happen, and her husband would wonder how/why his brother would make up such lies. things would have been much easier if the bil wasnt assholing about the whole thing and kept everything quiet. who knows, if he doesnt personally tell his brother about it, he might boastfully knowingly/unknowingly spill the bean to a friend and from there the walls will hear it. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by ifyalways(f): 11:24am On Apr 22, 2011 |
@Sissy,Noticed I stressed that the DNA result must be burnt,regardless of the result.Even If it turns out that the boy is for the husband,she should NEVER make mention of it but can along the line suggest they all go for a DNA test. You made good points but If i were her,it turns out that the boy is for my BIL,I am going to cook up something.Im not gonna admit or Confess[b] 100% truthfully[/b] to anyone but GOD.  @OP,weigh your options very well and do whats best for u and your family. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by JeSoul(f): 3:06pm On Apr 22, 2011 |
Ify & Dayo, I really understand you both not wanting her to confess . . . thing is just like Chaircover said: chaircover:because it is his brother, the truth coming out is almost inevitable. It will be exposed, its only a matter of time. Sheemitwu:I really feel for you. If you're not prepared to tell your husband, then hope that your BIL holds his tongue for the rest of his life and that you can live with carrying such a burden on your conscience. You cannot go to sleep every night crying and terrified he will find out - that is no way to live. Like another poster said, weigh your options soberly, and I pray it works out for you and the children most especially. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sissy3(f): 5:18pm On Apr 22, 2011 |
ifyalways: i think this is important too. even though, it might be harder to do on this one, but if he has that forgiving 'spirit' in him, ( also given his own randy past) |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by dayokanu(m): 5:28pm On Apr 22, 2011 |
Dont deceive yourself thinking your hubby wld forgive. Sleeping with some random guy is different from his own brother |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Sissy3(f): 5:45pm On Apr 22, 2011 |
^^^^ not forgiving and forgetting, but forgiving as in still letting the marriage stand |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Ivynwa(f): 3:53am On Apr 25, 2011 |
@Poster You need to find out the truth first through a DNA test, that way you can stop wishing and fretting. The child may even be that of your husbands. If the test says so then you can let your BIL know that its confirmed that the child isn't his so that he can stop bothering. He is feeling for his blood (and will never stop wondering whether the child is his)so don't be mad at him that he is asking, the sooner you allay his worries the better for you two. The flesh is indeed weak and even though we all preach "righteous" yet nobody is perfect. Stuffs happen, the men that are already pouring sands here should realize that this is one of the reasons a wife should not be neglected as she can fall into temptations. I truly wish that the DNA test shows that the child is your husbands because it may bring a lot of unhappiness if he isn't. It's true that we are all wishing good for you and not wanting any trouble to rear its head yet I am concerned about the child in question. If at the end of the day test shows that the BIL is his father, I don't think it's fair on your child not to know that (at the right time though). I don't think it's humane to hide one's parentage from one, if you look at the bigger picture the many generations that will spring from him will have been misled. I pray all things work out for good for all of you so you can get some peace as peace seems to be fast elluding you. You have to make good verifications that can give you some peace. If you can think back, were you in your ovulation period when you slept with your BIL? No need crying over spilt milk and blaming you for not protecting yourself as it has already happened. You definitely can't go on like that, crying in the night and fretting. Do some findings before things crash around you, with hearts breaking and you being labelled names even when there is a chance that the child is not that of your BILs. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by 190: 9:40am On Apr 25, 2011 |
^ Cheii my eyes Ivynwa stop making posts in pink fonts, u know we have elders amongst us |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Ivynwa(f): 3:48pm On Apr 25, 2011 |
190: Pink?? How are you doing my Babyboy? Haven't I missed you?----but that wasn't pink, "Ouch" yours is too pink to handle. "My eyes" As you can see there's no mischief here to rouse, the matter here is very serious so come let me take you to the threads you can catch your fun. How's your Mzdarkie doing or has another damsel caught your fancy? |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by cantell(m): 5:06pm On Apr 25, 2011 |
ifyalways:Your advice is cold,foolish and a disaster waiting to happen. How can you think of such lies and deceit? God! I don fear die! @Op, It's just a matter of time. If your BIL is as desperate as you say, it wouldn't take much time before he spills his guts. Tell your husband the truth and save yourself (from lies and deceit) while you still can. He cheated on you and you forgave him. It may not be the same with you, considering African men and their ego. But you have to try. Marriage based on lies can never amount to anything. The truth will eventually come back to haunt you. It's hard but its the only way. Truth is bitter but it must be told. So long. |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by 190: 6:30pm On Apr 25, 2011 |
Ivynwa: Theres Mukina  Babe Inked Ogugua Goldielucks Natasha Kandiikane and i think Jennykadry |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Ivynwa(f): 6:41pm On Apr 25, 2011 |
@190 Indeed "I di Ngozi na etiti ikporo nile" (you are blessed in the midst of all women). Now come let's run , make I yan you the koko where something dey happen make you go catch your fun----   |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by 190: 9:32am On Apr 26, 2011 |
sure where's the place ivy |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by Ivynwa(f): 1:10pm On Apr 26, 2011 |
Place wey you don go scatter finish, I reach there come see say you don even finish there waka. Omo scatter . Direct me to one of your threads where you parlance with your girlfriends make we leave this thread for sister Sheemitwu make she get good advice from people, you hear. How is your studies coming along? |
| Re: I Made A Terrible Mistake 5 Years Ago by 190: 6:59pm On Apr 26, 2011 |
who told u im studying  |
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