₦airaland Forum

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Aunty, take your life back na (i.e. lead your life and take full responsibility for youself). You can't be doing to your sister and nanny to her kids.

GboyegaD:
Aunty, take your life back na (i.e. lead your life and take full responsibility for youself). You can't be doing to your sister and nanny to her kids.

But nah she pay my tfare and paid for the process of me getting to US

N

Mary18656:
Hi everyone! I need your advice
First of all,I want to say I have been suffering from serious depression now, and that makes me misplace items, forget things, etc

I am the last born In a family of 4, I am naturally aan independent person,I like to take care of myself. . All my life I have not being myself, trying to make ends meet, going to school and learning handwork. While doing this, aside for my parents paying school fees, and giving me small money sometimes, I'm the one that take care of the rest of the bills through working while in Nigeria. My parents/siblings are 100% non supportive of things I do or skills I learn, and all they do is to condemn it and condemn me. I learned makeup and sewing, and I'm good at both. Many of my boss, I do free house chores for them so as to teach me well, and to give me time before completing the money I'm supposed to pay, sometimes,they insult me as they like even when I'm older than them, but I take those things with joy. So this started since 2010 when I entered the university,infact I don't have time to dress well,I just endured for all the years. Because I have the believe once I finish,I will dress well and look good, and do what I like, just like all others.
I finished everything (schooling,skill learning),2years back, but when it's time for me to rest, my sister was doing wedding, for 4months,I was the one doing the up and down,no time still, then afterwards,there was COVID-19 lockdown,then when I should have time for myself,my sister want to pack to new house, I was with her for 2months, after I left to rest, she born,I was the one that was with her for months. All this times, any free moment I have,I use it to hustle. Now after she is fine and her baby is big,I left again to my house to establish my business because I'm pretty good at it, my other sister paid for my flight and I travel to the US, this my sister has never helped me or support me with anything before, and she's very rich (recieves 1million monthly payment),so the traveling thing was the only thing she has done for me. And before I travel, I spent another 2months doing stuffs for her,I was buying things, everyday in the market(she doesn't give me even transport fare o) so i finally went to the United States. When I got to her house, for three months, I am the one doing all the house chores, and taking care of her kids,while she leaves and do what she likes. Also in US, she didn't buy anything for me, aside the foods I'm eating, which I can't even eat what I want, and her foods are not what I would eat. I connected online and started doing makeup for few people,they will come and I will do mke up for them, that's how I get small money to buy the food I started eating after 2weeks that I got here. And some cloths and shoes that I sneakingly went to buy after taking the children to school. I literally become a single mother of 3 since the past 4months, and I sneakily buy the food I eat whenever she's not home. She tells me when to sleep and control my life. Living like this is crazy and I'm depressed everyday, because I can't even have friends,I don't have clothes,I am not able to exercise or behave like an adult. I'm still being treated like a 15years old girl, and I have not actually had the freedom I wanted since 10years back,I have been living on let me endure,etc.
My sister is not allowing me to work because I won't be able to stay with the kid,and anytime I try to tell her I need to,she will be say she paid for my flights,she paid for that. I'm a legal resident (didn't just include the story).

I will be 27years tomorrow, and I just feel like killing myself as breathing is difficult for me when I think back and see that I'm still suffering after many years. And I still can't live my normal life despite I'm well educated(started PhD before moving to the US), not handicapped and I have nothing less than 5skills.
But I can't even establish them as I wanted, and not like I can't, and all I do is sit and play with kids everyday. That is depressing, it's painful to see people that aren't as smart as me,or as educated as me or as skillful as ass me living their life as they wanted,and me is just stuck, can't even eat what I wanted without sneaking it

Now when I hear people die,I just feel like they are lucky, because I have been praying for death but it didn't come and I can't kill myself

Note*my sister is not the one that cares or listen so please,no option of talking to reason with her

You've been there for some months now and so should have some knowledge about how things work there. If she has no right to forcefully bring you back here, then activate Lagos life with wisdom.

Mary18656:
But nah she pay my tfare and paid for the process of me getting to US

You're too soft so I doubt you will take any hard suggestion.

kennethfranc:
You've been there for some months now and so should have some knowledge about how things work there. If she has no right to forcefully bring you back here, then activate Lagos life with wisdom.
You self too soft

How please, teach me. What is activate laagos life?

You are 27 for heaven sake... Give yourself a month to get ready - start now, make connections, comb the internet for valuable information, be fully prepared and when the time is ripe, UP AND LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Mary18656:
How please, teach me. What is activate laagos life?

Make few good friends that you can rely on, they will surely help you out.
As a Nanny, you should be able to at least afford your basic needs but you have been doing it for her free without any agreement

She's not the listening type is just cuz you're too soft. If you can't talk to her then send her a mail asking; Her plan for you cuz you're tired of your nanny type of life.
If she threatens to send you back then you have no choice than to leave the house before it becomes too late

Consider the ordeal as a rite of passage which you must encounter. Just a little patience will open great door for you. Endure for just little time more and you will forever be glad. It is well with you.

Wow...Mary, depressed kee in yankee? No allow God hear you oo. Yankee wey all men wan jaa enter.

Let me start by asking ,what was the original plan for you going to the states?

Secondly, you owe your sister money for the ticket so try and calculate how much live-in babysitter dey collect and spend that time knowing you owe no more.

Thirdly, you should continue selling your skills and start saving. Omo iya mi no dey yankee oo...

Lastly, remember " premeditatio malorum" i.e things can always get worse i.e you can lose your health, get deported, get robbed...thus you need to practice gratitude to God.

I see you getting closer to the life you dreamed but you must pay the price.

Mary18656:
But nah she pay my tfare and paid for the process of me getting to US

What are you doing in the US? What state are you? Find community around you and start your life in bits.

Another question is what do you plan to do?

kennethfranc:
Make few good friends that you can rely on, they will surely help you out.
As a Nanny, you should be able to at least afford your basic needs but you have been doing it for her free without any agreement

She's not the listening type is just cuz you're too soft. If you can't talk to her then send her a mail asking; Her plan for you cuz you're tired of your nanny type of life.
If she threatens to send you back then you have no choice than to leave the house before it becomes too late

I have friends already,and I have saved enough for house rent

yomi007k:
Wow...Mary, depressed kee in yankee? No allow God hear you oo. Yankee wey all men wan jaa enter.

Let me start by asking ,what was the original plan for you going to the states?

Secondly, you owe your sister money for the ticket so try and calculate how much live-in babysitter dey collect and spend that time knowing you owe no more.

Thirdly, you should continue selling your skills and start saving. Omo iya mi no dey yankee oo...

Lastly, remember " premeditatio malorum" i.e things can always get worse i.e you can lose your health, get deported, get robbed...thus you need to practice gratitude to God.

I see you getting closer to the life you dreamed but you must pay the price.

I don't owe her anything because I didn't force it on her or even told her to do it, and also if I were on my own and I wanted to travel,I will do that easily, through scholarships and other means,was just not interested. I graduated 6yeaers back, and travelling wasn't part of my plan

ewale:
Consider the ordeal as a rite of passage which you must encounter. Just a little patience will open great door for you. Endure for just little time more and you will forever be glad. It is well with you.

Well,I wasn't poor in Nigeria,I was just building my life,so as to enjoy, and that made it seems like I was poor,I have different 5skills, including programming, and also,I have msc, and already began my PhD on my own

Limassol:
You are 27 for heaven sake... Give yourself a month to get ready - start now, make connections, comb the internet for valuable information, be fully prepared and when the time is ripe, UP AND LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Okay, thanks

Mary18656:
I don't owe her anything because I didn't force it on her or even told her to do it, and also if I were on my own and I wanted to travel,I will do that easily, through scholarships and other means,was just not interested. I graduated 6yeaers back, and travelling wasn't part of my plan

Then come back home and go thru the scholarship process or go ahead with your PHD.
Becos the way I see it your sister just wants a nanny.


"One of the greatest regrets in life is doing what you don't like and telling your self a lie"...

Going through your post and all the comments gave me audacity to proceed with my own opinion since you asked for it..
If you are guy, she must have plans for you and that's why she asked you to come over
A little patience will do meanwhile ask her to look for a job that you can be doing at home while you get paid (you're getting old)
If you're a lady, then you have to have a better discussion about why you are there..
Before you know it, you're in your forties and all your dreams will be forgoten

Peace

There is a Nigerian immigration lawyer in Alabama, talk to her and she will help u out. If u need her contact let me know

Mary18656:
Well,I wasn't poor in Nigeria,I was just building my life,so as to enjoy, and that made it seems like I was poor,I have different 5skills, including programming, and also,I have msc, and already began my PhD on my own

You are just Ripe for the American life...but just relax and let her doings explain things to you well and you will react accordingly. Just chill, for few months.

Omo you be hustler, dem wan tame you but God no go gree. All the hustle to be a charity nanny for 1 sister like that....hmmm. omo permit me to say this "she wicked abeg. Bachelor....msc...running PhD(she con wan stop am)."

Pls chill for sometime...be active online, not just active...meaningful one cos wen you breakout the online go count....

Wisebone4433:
There is a Nigerian immigration lawyer in Alabama, talk to her and she will help u out. If u need her contact let me know

Nice one too....let her see and weigh her options.

chika0072:
You are just Ripe for the American life...but just relax and let her doings explain things to you well and you will react accordingly. Just chill, for few months.

Omo you be hustler, dem wan tame you but God no go gree. All the hustle to be a charity nanny for 1 sister like that....hmmm. omo permit me to say this "she wicked abeg. Bachelor....msc...running PhD(she con wan stop am)."

Pls chill for sometime...be active online, not just active...meaningful one cos wen you breakout the online go count....

It's not easy to endure headache and hunger for moree months when I have money and I'm not handicapped

Mary18656:
I have friends already,and I have saved enough for house rent

Move out then.... Drop a letter but never tell her your location

Mary18656:
It's not easy to endure headache and hunger for moree months when I have money and I'm not handicapped

Why are you hungry when you have money, ? You can go rent your house, leave your sis and hussle on your own since you have skills already

Just do extra 1 month for her, while using the 1 month to check out offers(hustle) you'll love to do

You rule your world dont let anyone see you for less

viktohmarkz:
Just do extra 1 month for her, while using the 1 month to check out offers(hustle) you'll love to do

You rule your world dont let anyone see you for less

Thanks

Mary18656:
It's not easy to endure headache and hunger for moree months when I have money and I'm not handicapped

Na wah oo...this your sister is something else.

Mary18656:
But nah she pay my tfare and paid for the process of me getting to US

Wetin be but nah?
She paid your tfare and process, so what nah?
Dey dia dey do house chores and nanny duties.

God will help you through this . It’s really very hard and bad

Mary18656:
Hi everyone! I need your advice
First of all,I want to say I have been suffering from serious depression now, and that makes me misplace items, forget things, etc

I am the last born In a family of 4, I am naturally aan independent person,I like to take care of myself. . All my life I have not being myself, trying to make ends meet, going to school and learning handwork. While doing this, aside for my parents paying school fees, and giving me small money sometimes, I'm the one that take care of the rest of the bills through working while in Nigeria. My parents/siblings are 100% non supportive of things I do or skills I learn, and all they do is to condemn it and condemn me. I learned makeup and sewing, and I'm good at both. Many of my boss, I do free house chores for them so as to teach me well, and to give me time before completing the money I'm supposed to pay, sometimes,they insult me as they like even when I'm older than them, but I take those things with joy. So this started since 2010 when I entered the university,infact I don't have time to dress well,I just endured for all the years. Because I have the believe once I finish,I will dress well and look good, and do what I like, just like all others.
I finished everything (schooling,skill learning),2years back, but when it's time for me to rest, my sister was doing wedding, for 4months,I was the one doing the up and down,no time still, then afterwards,there was COVID-19 lockdown,then when I should have time for myself,my sister want to pack to new house, I was with her for 2months, after I left to rest, she born,I was the one that was with her for months. All this times, any free moment I have,I use it to hustle. Now after she is fine and her baby is big,I left again to my house to establish my business because I'm pretty good at it, my other sister paid for my flight and I travel to the US, this my sister has never helped me or support me with anything before, and she's very rich (recieves 1million monthly payment),so the traveling thing was the only thing she has done for me. And before I travel, I spent another 2months doing stuffs for her,I was buying things, everyday in the market(she doesn't give me even transport fare o) so i finally went to the United States. When I got to her house, for three months, I am the one doing all the house chores, and taking care of her kids,while she leaves and do what she likes. Also in US, she didn't buy anything for me, aside the foods I'm eating, which I can't even eat what I want, and her foods are not what I would eat. I connected online and started doing makeup for few people,they will come and I will do mke up for them, that's how I get small money to buy the food I started eating after 2weeks that I got here. And some cloths and shoes that I sneakingly went to buy after taking the children to school. I literally become a single mother of 3 since the past 4months, and I sneakily buy the food I eat whenever she's not home. She tells me when to sleep and control my life. Living like this is crazy and I'm depressed everyday, because I can't even have friends,I don't have clothes,I am not able to exercise or behave like an adult. I'm still being treated like a 15years old girl, and I have not actually had the freedom I wanted since 10years back,I have been living on let me endure,etc.
My sister is not allowing me to work because I won't be able to stay with the kid,and anytime I try to tell her I need to,she will be say she paid for my flights,she paid for that. I'm a legal resident (didn't just include the story).

I will be 27years tomorrow, and I just feel like killing myself as breathing is difficult for me when I think back and see that I'm still suffering after many years. And I still can't live my normal life despite I'm well educated(started PhD before moving to the US), not handicapped and I have nothing less than 5skills.
But I can't even establish them as I wanted, and not like I can't, and all I do is sit and play with kids everyday. That is depressing, it's painful to see people that aren't as smart as me,or as educated as me or as skillful as ass me living their life as they wanted,and me is just stuck, can't even eat what I wanted without sneaking it

Now when I hear people die,I just feel like they are lucky, because I have been praying for death but it didn't come and I can't kill myself

Note*my sister is not the one that cares or listen so please,no option of talking to reason with her

How exactly are you LEGAL and subjected to a life as a nanny in your PRIME? For how long does this legality stand?

I like to think there is something you told the VO you were going to do in America and that thing isn’t being a nanny FOREVER.

1m a month in Naira or Dollars? 1m Naira is not a lot for your sister to sponsor you to the US as a student. Given that she has other responsibilities.

What visa type did you travel with?

There is more to this story. A 27yrs old LEGAL IMMIGRANT with a PhD (in view), won’t travel from Nigeria to America to be this stupid. Forgive my choice of words.

pocohantas:
How exactly are you LEGAL and subjected to a life as a nanny in your PRIME? For how long does this legality stand?

I like to think there is something you told the VO you were going to do in America and that thing isn’t being a nanny FOREVER.

1m a month in Naira or Dollars? 1m Naira is not a lot for your sister to sponsor you to the US as a student. Given that she has other responsibilities.

What visa type did you travel with?

There is more to this story. A 27yrs old LEGAL IMMIGRANT with a PhD (in view), won’t travel from Nigeria to America to be this stupid. Forgive my choice of words.

Hmmm, "to be this stupid" that got me.
You know sometimes I wish someone had told me family can be the worst. I wish I knew earlier, I don't have any problem naturally,I'm smart, hardworking, and everything, but see me today. When you see people that don't talk or engage with their family, you will know why. People will say, "na she send her abroad" without understanding what they have done

Please many ppl here are just criticizing me,I need advices please, like steps and actions to take

Mary18656:
Hmmm, "to be this stupid" that got me.
You know sometimes I wish someone had told me family can be the worst. I wish I knew earlier, I don't have any problem naturally,I'm smart, hardworking, and everything, but see me today. When you see people that don't talk or engage with their family, you will know why. People will say, "na she send her abroad" without understanding what they have done

You haven’t answered the important questions.

How legal are you in the US?