I've been part of nairaland.com for a very long time, so i just created a new account to stay anonymous.

Okay, I'm in a dilemma, and I need to hear peoples opinion. I'm the guy who is very generous, obviously I find it hard to control my generosity.

I just moved to a new apartment, I need to buy loadz of properties that will put me in debt for a while. The debt isn't my problem because my earnings next month will clear it all. However, I have a friend who is highly indebted, and the due date for settlement of the loan is just a few days away. The guy has been restless, like very restless.

I already borrowed him some money some months back which he said he would pay me gradually, but I have not received any penny since then. I don't really blame him because the fact remains that his salary can't foot all his bill.

Now, I find myself in a very serious dilemma where I'm in debt already, I will pay next month. So I'm not even bothered, but the way my friend feels, he can't sleep, he's down, and I really hate to see him this way. I wish he has the money to solve his shit. Or I should actually help him with some money to pay off his debt, but this will keep me in debt till February, and I really don't want that.

He needs like 300k to clear his debt. I can actually borrow him and stay in debt till February, but I don't know when he will be able to pay back. Remember, my previous loan hasn't been paid. All these worries me, I feel I should help him.

What will you do, if you where in my shoes?

Cc lalasticlala please move to front page I need more perspectives.

I am like you in terms of been generous and I have a friend like yours around me who i keep bailing out... But of late, i have started giving myself sense no be small...
There is a saying in yoruba that goes thus; "what the world(people) turns you to, is what they will use to abuse you tomorrow"
Be wise, I use to borrow money just to even help out folks in need but when i stumbled on hard times, I learnt my lesson to only help when it will not be a huge burden to me.

its a good thing you have a mind to help but settle yourself first before helping him. you can't love your neighbour more than yourself.

A

dawnomike:
I am like you in terms of been generous and I have a friend like yours around me who i keep bailing out... But of late, i have started giving myself sense no be small...
There is a saying in yoruba that goes thus; "what the world(people) turns you to, is what they will use to abuse you tomorrow"
Be wise, I use to borrow money just to even help out folks in need but when i stumbled on hard times, I learnt my lesson to only help when it will not be a huge burden to me.

You made alot of sense. The reasons you gave is the reason I haven't given out any money. I have actually helped out niggas with 200k which I'm very willing to let go, but for how long will it continue?

Thanks anyway.

lomprico:
its a good thing you have a mind to help but settle yourself first before helping him. you can't love your neighbour more than yourself.

Very true.

Give what you can afford to lose, learnt that the hard way. So you don't get yourself all worked up, if he pays back, fine and if he doesn't(or can't), that's alright.

It's not even about the properties you need to buy which you can't comfortably do until it's next month's payday, it's the fact that you don't even have the money to give your friend and raising it will further put you in debt and till when? February 2022. You know how many months are in January(yes I'm not talking days) and then February, March. January wey dey be like 6months, con add February and March, e go be like sey everything dey standstill. Na from April, pesin dey breathe small.

I know you really wish you could help him settle his bills and believe me that's really thoughtful of you, God sees your heart and will bless you accordingly. This is absolutely beyond you, quit beating yourself up about it. If you can forgo the money even with the uncertainties that abound, knowing fully well how things are with him, then you can go ahead. I've weighed it on my part and I know it's way beyond me, can't afford to be in debt at this point in time. Everybody eye dey chook, country hard no be small.

Give him whatever you can dash him and that is all.

A man must learn to cut his cloth according to his size.

Do not be too trusting. You have good I tensions to help but you would be shocked at how this man may pay you back. Let him sort out his needs and debts by himself. I must have friends and family and a good partner. If he does not have, then his character is questionable.

All the best.

I've seen a man who earns 30k stay debt free and I've also seen a man who earns 270k always borrowing to feed before they pay the next salary...

Thus I can conclude that it's not the amount a person earns that determines whether or not he will be debt free, it's the decisions we make...

Your friend is always in debt because he *probably* is living above his means and he may very well continue to do so because there's always someone ((You)) out there to bail him out...

You've been helping him in the past and he hasn't paid, what makes you think he'll pay this time?? You see how he is restless because he is owing someone else, trust me he wouldn't be this restless if he was owing you, why? Because there will be no consequences from you, after all, you're "his friend"....

So in my opinion...
Allow him be...
Maybe the consequences of this will be the push he needs to start making smart financial decisions...

Why would he too be getting into a debt knowing his financial capabilities can't carry such debts? Some people though.

Well if his present condition bothers you so much and since your own debt repayment deadline is still far, you can lend him the money to offset his debt.

As for how he'll pay back, he's your friend and you know what's up with him ( financial struggles). So if your heart is leading you to help him, you might as well have to exercise patience with him as regards the repayment. Just render him the help and look away.

Lastly, advise him to stop getting into debts anyhow. Let him learn to live within his means from now on.

Normally, his restlessness is not your concern. Assuming he's starving then it's your concern to help him out. Don't borrow or give him any amount of money until you clear your own debt. I wonder how you people are confident about paying back debt in a later date, what if unforseen circumstances happen? Death? Job loss? Sickness? Theft?.... Besides, he hasn't paid back what he borrowed from you in the first place. Lending out money has ruined me to an extent, I'm a ridiculous giver before, now I've learnt my lessons.

Settle your debts and allow your friend find a way to settle his own. If you keep giving him an easy way out, he won't learn his lesson and will keep going into debt.

Please don't listen to any advice that says you should help him sort out his debt at the expense of yours, especially when you know he is a chronic debtor and won't be able to pay back.

As someone up there said, you cannot love your neighbour more than yourself.

You need to tell him the truth about how he spends his money, where are the debts coming from? You can give him some parts of the money but let him know he shouldn't eat what he can't swallow. Debts is very bad

Wow u are too kind, before I can consider helping a friend, I will first investigate and see how they got themselves in such messy situation, whether it's by choice or just something out of our control e.g medical expenses or any other natural disasters, but if it's by choice like house rent u can't afford, borrowing money for oslaughtering ram for sallah when you are not capable yet, or any other avoidable debt, then on your own bcuz problem no dey finish for dis types of people. Just dash dem what u can and forget the rest, they will sort it out themselves.

If you make urself available for them, they will always come with a new problem, I'm talking from experience, they will always think u are a fool and don't know what to use money for.
Hide ur success from dis kind of people and complain bitterly Abt life when they are around u, that is the only way u can free urself.

Don't make other people's comfort to inconvenient urself. Remember, their problem can never finish.

Like the boys will say: follow your church mind.

ImaIma1:
Settle your debts and allow your friend find a way to settle his own. If you keep giving him an easy way out, he won't learn his lesson and will keep going into debt.

Please don't listen to any advice that says you should help him sort out his debt at the expense of yours, especially when you know he is a chronic debtor and won't be able to pay back.

As someone up there said, you cannot love your neighbour more than yourself.

thank you for dis

Op, I guess u are a CANCER by Zodiac Sign i.e. June/July born which instigated d emphaty nd simpathy in u.
From ur narration, u are in debt, so u plan 2 help sort out a friend's problem (debt) with d money u wud av use 2 sort out ur own debt, hmmm, it show hw compassion nd caring u are which is gud, but at times, using one's head in situation dat has 2 do with money is very important. D said friend is indebted 2 u already, so if u choose 2 bail him out by making his debt 2 u accumulate, be sure d total money is an amount u are willing 2 forego if u really want 2 maintain d friendship u both share. OR u myt just borrow him part of d money 2 offset part of his debt, provided it convenient u.
All in all, don't inconvenient urself just 2 mk others convenient.

Favfables1:
I've seen a man who earns 30k stay debt free and I've also seen a man who earns 270k always borrowing to feed before they pay the next salary...

Thus I can conclude that it's not the amount a person earns that determines whether or not he will be debt free, it's the decisions we make...

Your friend is always in debt because he *probably* is living above his means and he may very well continue to do so because there's always someone ((You)) out there to bail him out...

You've been helping him in the past and he hasn't paid, what makes you think he'll pay this time?? You see how he is restless because he is owing someone else, trust me he wouldn't be this restless if he was owing you, why? Because there will be no consequences from you, after all, you're "his friend"....

So in my opinion...
Allow him be...
Maybe the consequences of this will be the push he needs to start making smart financial decisions...

op please take this advice very seriously....I can relate to dis