This is the expectation that they will do exactly what you would do in their place. “He should have done this” is a major misjudgment that almost everyone makes, and this, of course, affects the attitude towards people and often leads to disappointment in the person as a whole.

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“He should have done this” is a judgment not only about certain actions towards you, but also about “disappointing” behavior in life in general. For example, as people sometimes reason:



Clever brother did not go to university - a fool.



A classmate refused to marry - a loser.

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The husband did not support the new crazy idea - boring.

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The neighbor dressed too brightly - a clown.



My sister had an abortion - insane.



The best friend went on vacation with colleagues, not with you - a traitor.

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All these people are normal and, perhaps, very “charming”, and these decisions are adequate from their point of view. Abnormal in this case, those who make such categorical conclusions.



Why are we doing this?



Why do we get frustrated and misunderstand people if they act contrary to our expectations or have fundamentally different priorities from ours? It's simple: we need control in all areas of our lives, because the awareness of our own lack of control is stress.



Especially in this case, it is difficult with our closest people, because we know them very well and expect the most “adequate”, in our opinion, behavior and actions. “I know that my friend will support me, because I would definitely support him” - this is what makes disappointment in a loved one much more painful.



You need to understand - no one owes anything to anyone



In order not to be disappointed in people in the future, it is worth recognizing one important thing: the world does not have to act in accordance with your values ​​at all. This is not written anywhere, moreover, it is not even said.



If your friend has set a goal that seems wrong or even stupid to you, you often begin to think that he has stepped on the “false path”. But at the same time, you often lose sight of the fact that his goals and views may not coincide with yours at all, and he, in turn, may think the same about you.

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If you cannot empathize with other people, understand if not their goals, then at least their right to have their own priorities and think differently, it will be difficult for you to build healthy relationships based on the principle