Everyone around is talking about how bad it is to be selfish! But admit to yourself honestly: even in the most altruistic and sacrificial manifestations, we remain egoists to one degree or another. We will never do anything that will not benefit us in some way. Even when helping someone, we subconsciously wait for approval or want to appear better in our own eyes. In fact, this is absolutely normal. Psychotherapy and psychology are trying to designate the correct boundaries of such a concept as "I". It is quite natural for a person to strive to achieve his goals, to satisfy his own interests. But where is the line beyond which egoism can no longer be called healthy?

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As a basis for our reasoning, we can take the assertion that the main goals of a person are the maintenance of life and health, the desire to be happy and the unwillingness to suffer. The pursuit of these goals can be called "reasonable selfishness." In this case, the interests of other people will be filtered through the prism of their own desires and aspirations, and what clearly contradicts them will be cut off. Reasonable egoism does not exclude such a thing as help, support in a difficult situation, but it excludes the so-called parasitism, when others begin to sit on your neck and use you. A person who values ​​and respects himself rarely succumbs to the provocations of manipulators.



The American psychologist Albert Ellis identified several guidelines that will help come to a correct understanding of what reasonable egoism is:

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Now I exist, but my life is finite. Therefore, it is very important to do what I am interested in, right here and now, and not sacrifice it for the sake of an abstract future or the desires of other people.



Despite the fact that I live in society, I am a separate self-sufficient person who has his own rights.



I am different from other people. My inner world is unique. There is no one like me and there never can be.



I can provide for my own existence. This allows me to remain myself, even if certain traits of my character change.

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The future is in my hands. I can plan it myself, focusing on my main goals and values.



Since I have the ability to plan and foresee, I can change my current and future features, and therefore my life. One way or another, I myself can control what happens in my destiny.



I can analyze my actions and my life based on past and present experiences. I can use this knowledge to plan and change my life on my own.



I can discover new interests and hobbies. Through trial and error, come to an understanding of what I really like and what I don’t, and try to do more of exactly what brings me pleasure and joy.

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I track and analyze my state: what I feel, what I think about, what I do. It helps me improve the quality of my life.



I am sure that I can not only survive in this world on my own, but also make myself happy. Deal with pain and disappointment in my power! I can choose between short-term pleasure, long-term pleasure, or a happy medium.



The most important thing you need to come to in order to become a “correct egoist” is to realize yourself as a full-fledged and self-sufficient person who is able to be the blacksmith of his own happiness, who can exist autonomously and independently of the opinions, feelings or desires of others. This position is very useful and allows you to live a full life, and not bend to the detriment of yourself. Remember, the most valuable thing you have is yourself!

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