I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

Marriage is overated. Op you're not stupid.

Solution to an heaven on earth marriage lies with GOD
Come and build ur Faith so ur own marriage can be so sweet and full of peace
Tomorrow living Faith church will be teaching on building ur Faith.. contact me for more details for those interested in taking action this year

Do whatever you like but don't bring in children to this world to copy that lifestyle

You're the reflection of me.

Someone told me when I get old, that's when I'll regret my decision. I don't think, I'll regret anything, as long as I have kids in my old age, I'm OK.

Sweetheart, there is a difference between "Am I and I'm" o.

Meanwhile, you are not dumb for choosing to live your life as you deem fit so long as you aren't committing crime or hurting anyone. Cheers to your good life.

@op, in all you do, please, don't add baby mama title to the emotional truma you're going through.
Children are not just some piece of cake that anyone can just go ahead and order please.
Once a lady can not find need for a husband and a conducive home for child's bearing, she should stay away from having a child, because once you birth a child, everything is no longer all about you.

Start working on your healing first before you go into any relationship.
Some people are enjoying their marriage, what you experienced with your parents shouldn't discourage you. Set your own goal and pursue it

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

Are you in Nigeria?

Cos this actually looks like the life many British people live nowadays. They live together as partners and exhibit the activities married couples do but not married

You are not stupid but please, do not mess up the lives of innocent kids by opting to be a baby mama. You wouldn't have solved the problem rather, you will multiply it.

While I understand that things happen and people go their separate ways even when kids are involved, it doesn't imply one should enter into a situation one wouldn't have longed for initially.

Most importantly, our support system is weak and you don't want to put your kids through unnecessary trauma.

If you don't want to get married, that is fine. Just live your life as best as you can.

Righteousness2:
You are not stupid for not wanting or desiring to get married. But it will be Sinful and Destructive if you are engaging in sexual activities outside Marriage

Marriage is a good thing, but whether we like it or not, it is not Everyone that will get Married.

Whether you are marrried or single, what really Matters is that you live a life that is Pleasing to GOD ALMIGHTY.

This guy sef.
Go open your church and stop disturbing us online

There are people who grew up from homes with both parents in a loving relationship where kids didn’t witness domestic violence, yet they don’t think marriage is for them. So there’s really nothing wrong with this. Marriage is optional like I always say.

In your case, however, you grew up from a broken home and the memories are imprinted on your mind. You need therapy to get it all out and heal because you have a negative view of men in general which is misandry, not feminism, and that’s the case in my observation with many Nigerian women hiding under the cover of feminism to attack traditional family values.

While I’m aware of the many instances of domestic abuse against women, I don’t hold as a general view that most men treat their wives as trash or housemaids, at least not in my experience, and not in my social circles, plus that’s not the acceptable standard for how to treat a woman.

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

Marriage is a beautiful gift from God. Sex is also very beautiful gift from God but it is meant for only married people.

That's where the problem lies. If you can't control your sexual desires, it's better to get married. Sexual sins like masturbation and fornication destroys our blessings and ultimately our destinies.

As for independence in marriage, I think it's better you carefully study the person you intend marrying before saying ' I do'.

We have four personality types: choleric, melancholy, sanguine, and phlegmatic.

If you can cope with dominant people like the choleric, or outgoing people like sanguine, or quiet people like melancholy or peaceful people like phlegmatic, you have to choose.

Having said that, marriage is not by force o!

If you can control your sex drives, and face God who is love, everything will be OK.

Hmm

Sighs.

For someone who claims to be independent, [then] I find putting this question out to the public pointless and antithetical.

socialmediaman:
There are people who grew up from homes with both parents in a loving relationship where kids didn’t witness domestic violence, yet they don’t think marriage is for them. So there’s really nothing wrong with this. Marriage is optional like I always say.

In your case, however, you grew up from a broken home and the memories are imprinted on your mind. You need therapy to get it all out and heal because you have a negative view of men in general which is misandry, not feminism, and that’s the case in my observation with many Nigerian women hiding under the cover of feminism to attack traditional family values.

While I’m aware of the many instances of domestic abuse against women, I don’t hold as a general view that most men treat their wives as trash or housemaids, at least not in my experience, and not in my social circles, plus that’s not the acceptable standard for how to treat a woman.

Tell me again, or rather show where in the post the OP calls herself a feminist or referred to feminism as the reason for anythig she's written here. I will always have the time for this.

Feminism in the mouths of the average Charles' is now a surebanker way for them to sounding intelligent.

Even OP throughout her post referenced SOME MEN. SOME MEN. SOME MEN. So what point are you disagreeing with about ''most?'' She has 'concocted' herself that she came from a broken home and admitted it. C'est fini. But agenda to drag feminism must sha agend. Mschewww.

Magnoliaa:


Tell me again, or rather show where in the post the OP calls herself a feminist or referred to feminism as the reason for anythig she's written here. I will always have the time for this.

[s]Feminism in the mouths of the average Charles' is now a surebanker way for them to sounding intelligent.[/s]

Even OP throughout her post referenced SOME MEN. SOME MEN. SOME MEN. So what point are you disagreeing with about ''most?'' She has 'concocted' herself that she came from a broken home and admitted it. C'est fini. But agenda to drag feminism must sha agend. Mschewww.

Why are you getting triggered when misandry is distinguished from feminism to someone clearly susceptible to the erroneous misconstruction?

Anyway since you invited this, I'll overlook the crossed out derogatory comment and oblige you at least this one time. I resist the urge to be condescending in my response.

OP stated that marriage was not for her because she saw it as a "cage". It's very fine if she saw marriage as a cage for herself (as in, something her personality didn't accept), but No, she saw marriage as a cage for women, because according to her "most men (not some) treat their wives as trash". She went ahead to dissect "most men" into groups of those who treat their wives as property, those who think of their wives as housemaids, serial cheaters etc. These according to her were "most men"

This image of disgust against men and traditional family values in general, is the image that many misandrists project as feminism in Nigeria (to the point that whenever a lady feels disgust for men in general based on personal experience, she sees it as feminism). Their (misandrists) version of feminism has little to do with equality in the workplace, society, politics and financial independence which are the core pillars of feminism. This is why I had to make that distinction for OP, for clarity sake, and it's interesting that you got provoked by that.

In Nigeria today, we have female political appointees including ministers, female judges, female presidential aspirants, a super minister (who was female) during Goodluck Jonathan's administration, female heads of public and corporate organizations, even female pastors etc. The female banker earns the same as the male banker, women can vote and be voted for, have bank accounts in Nigeria and can be financially independent if they want, we have female police and military officers and leaders etc. Accountability and punishment against domestic violence is being championed in Nigeria by many including men and women.

So having all these in the Nigerian society, why are misandrists in Nigeria pushing disgust for men and traditional/religious family values as the focus of their activism, and erroneously projecting this as feminism? Again, why are you getting triggered when this misconstruction is clarified?

[s]

socialmediaman:
Why are you getting triggered when misandry is distinguished from feminism to someone clearly susceptible to the erroneous misconstruction?

[/s]
If you want to have a discussion about feminism and thrash what vendetta you have against feminists, do so when the topic calls for it and legitly. Not indirectly, cutting corners, making insinuations and tying things that are totally unrelated.

What link does feminism share with the OP? Just SHOW me one line, one word, one anything.

Irrespective of whatever the OP had tabled against marriage and men and said about women, did she state that she was coming from a feminist stance?

If you cannot show a proof of the OP being feministic, then your distinction is pointless and at best an agenda intention to always associate everything with feminism. Just for the talks.

OP did NOT called herself a misandrist or a feminist or a traditional or a woke woman. She's just someone sharing her XYZZZZs and gbam, you're telling us about A and B.

Na who send you? Mschewwwwww.

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

All the above reasons you gave are exactly what makes up a Nigeria marriage

You are really scared but for how long will you come out of this thinking

What you need is a man that will give you true love and that may change your perception about marriage

While you wait for such to happen, enjoy yourself and go into a relationship

In this Naija, every thing is trial and error

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

yes, you’re stupid

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

You're still young, focus on building skills first.


Marriage will either come or not but you won't lose at both ends.

Op you need psychological help.

Don't go and raise dysfunctional children who will be nuisance to the society. That 10 years old girl: Julie Anke. Theres no mention of a father figure in her life.

Besides it's a selfish desire. You are only thinking of what's best for you not what's best for your unborn children or man.

frozen70:


All the above reasons you gave are exactly what makes up a Nigeria marriage

You are really scared but for how long will you come out of this thinking

What you need is a man that will give you true love and that may change your perception about marriage

While you wait for such to happen, enjoy yourself and go into a relationship

In this Naija, every thing is trial and error

@bold:

Abetterperson:

You need to heal from your childhood trauma before you can decide if you want marriage or not.

From your write-up, I can deduce that you are not anti- marriage; you are anti all the nonsense you think is peculiar in Nigerian marriage. This is why you are searching for everything a marriage offers (kids, companionship, love etc) without the marriage itself.

If you are rich and can take care of a child without needing an assistance from man. Than a baby mama straight.

But if you don't have money to be independent don't even think am. By that time that guy married another girl you will regret life and hate yourself.

Marriage is not for everybody. Don't let anyone force you. Work hard and be independent. But if you think you will keep getting attention from guys till you get old. You are on a long thing. There are alot many young girls to be bothered with.

Righteousness2:
You are not stupid for not wanting or desiring to get married. But it will be Sinful and Destructive if you are engaging in sexual activities outside Marriage

Marriage is a good thing, but whether we like it or not, it is not Everyone that will get Married.

Whether you are marrried or single, what really Matters is that you live a life that is Pleasing to GOD ALMIGHTY.

I hv started sounding so stupid with your nonsense sermon. Don't u hv life aside your nonsense sermon?
Somebody is seeking for an opinion all u could utter was sermon, no bi madness bi that so?

Only because you are looking at marriage through the failed marriage of your parents.

People that had a healthy family relationship long to have a home like that, and therefore look forward to getting married.

So the way you feel is normal. You can choose to allow your past experience shape your future actions or you chose to break free from the hold it has on you. In any case,it's your choice.

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

You are not stupid please you really took time to understand your self, thank God you know your self not like some that are inside marriage life now and have same parental experience the way you did and can’t cope, you see this marriage thing is very comprehensive, it brings joy at same time brings sadness, but the only solution is for a man to know God likewise the woman...
When you see God as an achievement then other things like fear, trust, ego etc will be less...

For your case
You have not seen a man who have shown you what love is really all about, not just the sex, but let you know u are truly the king of is hrt, and the lovely mother of is unborn children.

Babe
Pray for a good guy.
Pray for a lovely man.
Pray for a man who will change ur narrative.
To love is a good thing and to be loved back is the greatest.
Don’t use ur parent sin to judge ur self, because people don’t see their parent but u.

I pray God gives you a man that u will be jealous to keep and will also change ur narrative when it comes to marriage
Stay bless
Will love to know u more