I could see that she was really pleased with the work she had put into achieving her goals since the last time we met. From confused and de-motivated to energized and highly effective in a matter of a couple of weeks, Sarah (not her real name) was now buzzing and seemed full of confidence. My response: to bite my tongue.

Giving praise
Not Judge and Jury
The coach’s job, in this respect, as I see it, is to enable the client to review their success and pass comment on it. It isn’t my role to praise them.

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If I praise the client for what they have achieved I am passing judgment which suggests that I have some conferred power – even if that has only been conferred by me to me ! In effect, it can take away some of the relative power in the relationship owned by the client. And for me, the client should possess as much real or perceived power as practically possible within a coaching relationship.

Those of you that are aware of Transactional Analysis will recognize that praise can put you into the role of Parent, which in turn can result in the client consciously or unconsciously taking the role of a child. Not a great position for coaching to take part in.

The Management Challenge
The suggestions I have given above are aimed at those who are coaching. If you happen to be a manager who uses a coaching style I can understand if you are currently yelling at your screen “No! No! No! My people like praise and positive feedback and you’re telling me not to!!”. Well, yes and no.

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In the real world, where there already exists a solid relationship, an understanding of how both parties work, and a culture of praising staff, I don’t think it is necessarily a negative thing to praise someone for their efforts. The odd pat on the back probably does more good than harm. Quick caveat: You may decide to ask yourself and/or your staff, why they like praise.

Best of Both Worlds?
I wonder if it is possible to achieve both: firstly, a self-assessing member of staff who is clear about what they have done well and where there are areas of improvement and all the confidence benefits that go with that; secondly someone who is able to accept praise in the spirit in which it is being given.

How that might be achieved would be to get the client/member of staff to review their plans or progress first and appraise themselves in terms of the outcomes and their efforts before you as the manager give your praise.

The order of this is important I think because it keeps the member of staff in charge for a while and also prevents them from coloring their own comments with the influence of the manager if the manager has made their comment first.

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