im  an irish woman married to a nigerian man for 10 years this month,i was very happy untill last year when i caught him meeting up with women from a dating website,he was telling them all differant lies,,,we talked things over and even though he didt tell me the whole truth i put his behaviour to one side,we have 2 beautiful children and i dont want them growing up in a sep house from their daddy.im a good mother and wife,he wants for nothing,i do all his meals the way his mother showed me and we go back to nigeria once a year.i make sure im at home to clean and cook and look after the children and husband and i also work while children at school as we have a good lifestyle, there is nothing my husband needs he tells me but why when i went on his computer he is back on this dating websit, i told him that i will not put up with lies anymore, while he tells me he was meeting with his nigerian friends he was meeting with other irish women!!!   i dont understand,he tells me he loves me and there is nobody else for him, but his actions are differant than his words, i told his mother last year about what happened and she told me to pray and he will not listen to  the devil anymore, but now i feel like giving up , im tired of his lies and stories, i can not look or speck to him,im so upset and sad that he could be so foolish, i feel like going and getting a divorce, i dont want to be with him and his lies, yet i still love him and he is the only man i have ever know.i would love to know how a nigerian woman would deal with this,thank you.

Please dont get the devil excited.
NEVER EVER think of DIVORCE.
Please I beg you on behalf of all married couples in the world. I am a Nigerian and divorce is not in our tradition, white men brought it into our environment through the back-door. Please continue talking to him, if possible threaten him with divorce, but never ever contemplate divorce. 80% of men cheat on their wives but only 20% get caught, i am saddened with this statistics but it is the truth. Please continue talking to him and monitore him closely.

@ op: how good are you in bed? Do you give good blow jobs and cfuk well - holler back mamacita

simple seyi keep quiet

mary30:

im  an irish woman married to a nigerian man for 10 years this month,i was very happy untill last year when i caught him meeting up with women from a dating website,he was telling them all differant lies,,,we talked things over and even though he didt tell me the whole truth i put his behaviour to one side,we have 2 beautiful children and i dont want them growing up in a sep house from their daddy.im a good mother and wife,he wants for nothing,i do all his meals the way his mother showed me and we go back to nigeria once a year.i make sure im at home to clean and cook and look after the children and husband and i also work while children at school as we have a good lifestyle, there is nothing my husband needs he tells me but why when i went on his computer he is back on this dating websit, i told him that i will not put up with lies anymore, while he tells me he was meeting with his nigerian friends he was meeting with other irish women!!!   i dont understand,he tells me he loves me and there is nobody else for him, but his actions are differant than his words, i told his mother last year about what happened and she told me to pray and he will not listen to  the devil anymore, but now i feel like giving up , im tired of his lies and stories, i can not look or speck to him,im so upset and sad that he could be so foolish, i feel like going and getting a divorce, i dont want to be with him and his lies, yet i still love him and he is the only man i have ever know.i would love to know how a nigerian woman would deal with this,thank you.

You just described yourself as a super wife, I do not think there is much more you can do since you are already a good wife (at least by your description). You have to ask yourself: Can I cope with his cheating? If you cannot and I think you shouldn't, let him know that he risks loosing you and the children as a family unit. Watch his reaction, if he does not change, initiate divorce, if after initiating divorce he does not change, then it is good riddance to bad rubbish as we say here.

I know I make it seem so simple when it's not but if you do not simplify life like this, you are liable to die of a heart-attack! Think with your head and not your heart!

maclatunji:

You just described yourself as a super wife, I do not think there is much more you can do since you are already a good wife (at least by your description). You have to ask yourself: Can I cope with his cheating? If you cannot and I think you shouldn't, let him know that he risks loosing you and the children as a family unit. Watch his reaction, if he does not change, initiate divorce, if after initiating divorce he does not change, then it is good riddance to bad rubbish as we say here.

I know I make it seem so simple when it's not but if you do not simplify life like this, you are liable to die of a heart-attack! Think with your head and not your heart!

+1

Jennykadry, you said in your profile that you speak the truth, Pease proof it here.

Everybody here please help save a marriage. It will make the world a safer place.

there is nothing you can do to change him from his ways, only if he makes up his mind to change, it is either you ignore his behaviours and still stick to the marraige or you let the habit become an issue and you divorce him,

My heart goes out to you. This is really sad to hear what you are going through. I strongly advise to KEEP on praying that God will deliver your husband and restore your marriage/family. (IF this is HIS will). Have you tried asking him to seek marriage counseling with you? For the time being, I suggest you also try solo counseling as well to help deal with all of this until you figure out what to do. I'm also not the one to root for divorce. But in this situation, your peace of mind and happiness DOES matter in this marriage. It sounds like you are a very good wife and you don't deserve to be continually lied to and cheated on. Adultery IS an abomination. There is NO excuse for cheating on your spouse whatsoever. Either you confront him and lay it down straight. He needs to know the damage he is doing to your you and your home. I know you two have children together and history. But his infidelity is a liable cause to divorce if he continues to lie and violate the institution of your marriage. Do you have a pastor or clergyman you can go to? If he is not willing to work this out and stop his infidelity. Then I'm sorry to say, you may want to consider separating/divorce. Why continue to be miserable, heart-broken living with a cheater and a liar? I'm not the one to stay with someone, especially if thyweren't the one for the sake of the children. That's pure torment. Your children need to be taught values and morals and staying in a situation like this isn't healthy for them either. So you need to do what's best for you AND your children.

Please make sure you are protecting yourself cos you dont want to catch anything from his roving. Try the minister route and hopefully the posibble shame might make him stop

I guess he is addicted to dating websites. This is an addiction, it is only when people realize they have the problem that they can either try to correct it, if they have self control or get help. It is apparent he does not have self control. What you do at this point is up to you. Can you keep up with this and will he ever change is the question you should be asking yourself.

One thing tell him to go for STD test to ensure he hasnt caught something from those women

Dump him. he is an evil ba st ard who needs to be hanged.

i would kill to have a woman like you.thats if you are not a plus size model.
by the way,his behaviour has nothing to do with being a nigerian. there are many nigerians who are very faithful to their wives. his behaviour is a personal choice he has made.

go for a professional counselling.if he doesnt change,then divorce him and move on with life

@poster
let me be the bearer of bad news: YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!
stop fooling yourself and the minute you accept this fact, the safer you will live your life.

here are a few points:
A) you said YOU have been married for 10yrs and YOU have been very happy, have you ever wonder if HE felt the same way about your union?

B) the minute you found out that he was secretly meeting other women is the minute you should have realized that there was a HUGE problem in your union. "putting his behaviors to one side" is definitely NOT the way of solving this problem.

C) the fact that you will do anything to keep the family together is part of your problem. if you are not willing to cut the gangrene OUT then , soon enough, it will infect the whole household. what kind of message are you teaching/sending to your daughters? that its ok to be cheated on. . . . . . . . . . . here is a clue: if daddy doesnt respect what he has then you best get rid of him ASAP!

D) again, you talk about what "you think" he needs. let me ask you this:" how is your bedroom activities?" are you as sexy as the women he is contacting? are you updating your se.xual activities to make sure that it didnt become a routine? do you date/play/ enjoy each other as you did 10 yrs ago?
we men often need freaks and if you cant become the freak he desires then he will go and get his freak on outside the home.

E) this man gets something from these women that YOU cannot provide, the minute you discover what it is, is the minute you will have a fighting chance of saving your marriage.

F) the fact that he SAYS he loves you has nothing to do with the fact at hand.

G) a divorce is a quick way out, if you warn him of divorce and he doesnt want to change then DO IT because staying married will only have you crying rivers the day he brings some incurable disease to you home front.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, anyone who asks you to pray is a damn fool! obviously this man dont give a damn about the bible so you best look for REAL solution rather than castles in the sky!

I won't encourage you to divorce your husband. Marriage is a life time affair, that's why, for the single ladies, courting is necessary, prayers is very important too.
As it is, you need to tell yourself that you will work it out no matter what happens, that's the first step, decide.
Besides that, you need to work on his psyche, you've been married for ten years, you should know your husband better than any body. You know what makes him happy and what annoys him. it won't be easy, make a conscious effort at not complaining for anything and making him happy for the next 3months. Look at it as service to humanity if you have to, spice up your romance, just make sure you spoil him for the next three months, be extra nice, remember i said you have to decide to make things work.
The heart of the king is the Lord's and he directs it to wherever he wants, Pray! (praying doesn't make you a fool, it makes you a wise woman). Watch his reactions after three months. Best of luck

Praying wont solve the issue. i wish pray worked magic.but it doesnt.

the man is a dog. prayer doesnt work on dogs.even the good book says that dogs shouldnt eat children's bread.

the lady has to understand that her st upid husband is a dog.when your dog becomes uncontrollable,you put it to sleep.

kick that bas tard out,let him be free to do whatever the f u ck he is longing for. someday he will look back and blame his a s s for ruining his household.

thank you everybody for your help and wisdom,i have talked with my husband and i threaten him with divorce and he was shocked that i was even thinking of that because he said that im a quite lady that he didt think i would do such.now that it shocked him he says he was taken me for granted and he will not risk loosing me or his family over his foolish behaviour.i asked him what he was lacking in our marraige and he could't tell me,he said it was just the excitment, i still dont understand as we have a good life, in all aspects, he has no complaints( he told me this).we will talk more and i will listen more and i hope please GOD everything will be fine, but as i was told i will monitor him! thank you all very much.

Thank God your husband reacted that way. Now, let's hope his actions will reflect his words.

@mary30
his response is called DAMAGE CONTROL and in no way means he is ready to change. unless you turn into the freak that he desires, this man will never change . . . . . . . . . . . he will simply be more discreet about it by using a computer you can't trace, for example.
he has "tasted" the forbidden fruit and it was succulent, how can he go back to boring old life?! NO CANT DO!!!!!!!!
we all know that tasting a brand new spanking coochie after ten years of sha.gging the same old one IS SIMILAR TO being blind and now can see.
understand what you are dealing with, if you want to have a fighting chance of solving it.

remember:

D) again, you talk about what "you think" he needs. let me ask you this:" how is your bedroom activities?" are you as sexy as the women he is contacting? are you updating your se.xual activities to make sure that it didnt become a routine? do you date/play/ enjoy each other as you did 10 yrs ago?
we men often need freaks and if you cant become the freak he desires then he will go and get his freak on outside the home.

E) this man gets something from these women that YOU cannot/haven't provided, the minute you discover what it is, is the minute you will have a fighting chance of saving your marriage.

What is wrong with all of you talking about divorce, can you imagine what your life, would be like if your parents split, ask those who lived that kind of life, why push for divorce, didn't you take vows for better for worst. What happened to forgiveness, I know some of you will be shouting off with his head, but truley he or her without sin, cast the first stone. I can only but imagine if God held us to every wrong we have done, nobody will be alaive today. 7787 times is still what is asked of us today so let's finish that amount then you can kick him out. You want your kids to be raised without a father? Shame on all the rest of you shouting divorce, you are not in her shoes and don't know what she stands to lose. Divorce is still a no for me. It reeks of pride and unforgiveness. And this no be church talk, its just normal. So if your kid should hit his brother or sister with a stick what advice will you give your daughter.

@poster,
I quite empathise with your situation. I think you have done your best as a wife and moth.

I suggest that you act as if you dont know and set a trap for him so that you will have undeniable evidence that you can sue to make a final decision.


It is obvious that something secrious is going on behind your back and you need to be really smart to get to the root. of it

Proverb 14:1" every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands" if you have tried every thing and yet no result. My sure bet is that you should move closer to God, surrender your home to the hands of Jesus. You say, why? It is because agent of darkness attack good home, they cause infidelity, disagreement, lack and unexplainable problem in a good home. You need to wake up in the night with your bible, psalm 35. And fire prayer against satanic agent that are on a mission to destroy your home. God bless you. God2man.

@poster, you have to think about your children so divorce is not an option. Give the problem to God, for with God all things are possible. Trust in God you will not be disappointed.

@poster you have to think about your children, so divorce is not an option. Give the problem to God, trust in Him, and you will not be disappointed, for with God all things are possible.