1) How To Keep Her Home
one thing a MIL should never do is tell a daughter-in-law how to keep her home. So that means no comments on her housecleaning, the way she places her furniture, or her visible dishes in the sink. None of it.

2) My Son Looks Skinny, Don’t You Feed Him?
Is that a dig on cooking skills or the ability to keep her husband healthy? Sadly, it’s probably both. First of all, the presumption that a grown man cannot feed himself makes my skin crawl. But on the cooking side, mean mothers-in-law often love nothing more than to put down a wife’s cooking skill

3) He Was Mine Before He Was Yours
It’s common sense that she raised your husband, but you are his wife and she is his mother, two unique and starkly different roles (God willing!). No reminder is necessary.

4) I Would Never Let My Child Do THAT!
I don’t care if it something as simple as leave food on their plate or throw darts as their brother, what you did with your child 30, 40, 50 years ago is utterly inconsequential to me. I am the mother and I will respond the way I see fit, got it?

5) The Baby Stopped As Soon As You Left
Stopped crying, fussing, acting out, it doesn’t matter. The implication is that once you were out of the picture, your child behaved fine…for her…probably because you couldn’t get the job done. Might you want to rethink those words?

6) Physical Appearance
Do not comment on your daughter-in-law’s recent bad haircut, weight gain, added grey hairs, tired eyes, or any other physical asset, unless it’s complimentary. I can assure you that you may have no ill intention behind it, but I can also guarantee you that there are some women out there who will take it the wrong way. And some comments are just comments, like “Why don’t take a rest, you look a little tired. I’ll watch the baby”, but some are plain mean, “I notice the grey hairs are just multiplying, time for a touch-up?’ And those words are simply asking for trouble

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/in-law-faux-pas-6-things-to-never-say-to-your-daughter-in-law-2520525/#photoViewer=6

hope i become a great mother in law.

They know its wrong to say those things. They even say and do worse things just to annoy their daughters in law.

God will reward us all for the way we treat our fellow human beings.

This is for non nigerians. For people who actually take pride in being civil. In Nigerian culture you brother in law can say this to you

Some of the things I agree with, some are just plain silly, it takes a village to raise a child ma mother in law has every right to criticise ma child rearing skills just same way ma mum has, no one knows it all and who better to learn from than the woman who brought up ma well balanced, loving and caring husband. If my mother in law corrects me I will take it the same way I will if ma mother corrects me, some I will take note and add accordingly, some I will trow away but there is nothing wrong in being corrected

...

debrief08:

Some of the things I agree with, some are just plain silly, it takes a village to raise a child ma mother in law has every right to criticise ma child rearing skills just same way ma mum has, no one knows it all and who better to learn from than the woman who brought up ma well balanced, loving and caring husband. If my mother in law corrects me I will take it the same way I will if ma mother corrects me, some I will take note and add accordingly, some I will trow away but there is nothing wrong in being corrected

True.

debrief08:

Some of the things I agree with, some are just plain silly, it takes a village to raise a child ma mother in law has every right to criticise ma child rearing skills just same way ma mum has, no one knows it all and who better to learn from than the woman who brought up ma well balanced, loving and caring husband. If my mother in law corrects me I will take it the same way I will if ma mother corrects me, some I will take note and add accordingly, some I will trow away but there is nothing wrong in being corrected

Why do I get the feeling the above comment is just straight out butt kissing. If those words were used on many a woman out there it would result in an outright war between the MIL and DIL - the statements all appear to be laced with heavy doses of spite and not constructive criticism. Let’s not kid ourselves here.

there is absolutely nothing up there that my mother in la is allowed to say to me. if she really feels that way then she will just have to steam with it. i can never say she did a bad job raising her children so she should not want to do the same to me or any other person

Bawass, am d last person to arse kiss or butt lick. My mother as all mother dishes out random advice and criticism and I accept it in good faith why will I take offence if my mother in law does the same? My Mom has zero tolerance for rubbish so you dare not bring a spoilt child near her and expect her to keep quiet, we once went shopping and some kids were running round and screaming, der mother was begging them to stop but they ignored her, am sure ma mother was boiling under her skin, unfortunately fot the boys they hit my mothers shopping cart and broke her eggs and just ran past without even stopping, their mom came didn't apologise just said she will pay for the eggs, ma mama no hear that one oh, she chased the boys dragged them back each ones ear in her hands made them apologise to us, their mom and even the store cleaners, needless to say they were calm and sober through the rest of our stay she as usual offered unsolicitated advice to their mom. The point of this story is that older women will always offer advice and critisms solicited or not, we too will grow older and most likely do the same, as I said earlier I agree with some of the posts but some of it is silly. I was raised to regard all in laws as family, till today I can't differnciate btw ma moms relatives and her in laws she is close to most of them and as much as God permits I hope to be dat way, the Bible says if its up to you be at peace with all men. My mother gives so much advice on everything some I take some I don't same thing with ma mother in law but I always keep in mind that their advice and crirtism comes from love, chikenan. My mother in law self no get time to meddle too much but her advice dey always get head. Till today am still very close to my ex husbands mom, we go to events together, go to salon together etc cos of the respect and love we shared. We are Africans, I like our communual living

The thread is not about correcting bad behavior per se its more about how to go about such corrections/criticisms. Statements like My son looks skinny, don't you feed him and He was mine before he was yours are all spiteful. We are talking about things NEVER to say to a DIL.

Anyways what do I care, its not like I'll ever be at the receiving end of all this.

Bawass like I said I agree with some points like d ma son is skinny comment, and you are gaining weight comment, but some of the comments are not bad and offensive but out of love. In case of child rearing our mothers are hardwr than we are and may hold different views some good some bad, key point is dat no one knows it all

Even if she wants to correct me, there is a way to say it. If my MIL (who i love so much) tells me that i would never allow my child do that in a funny tone of voice, I will not say anything there to her but her son will know exactly how i feel.

I agree it is all in the tone, I don't think I've met any diplomatic Naija women like my mother and my Aunty. By the time they are done, you will be prostrating and thanking them before you know you have just been corrected. Both of them brought me up half and half, so I know my future spouse won't have this problem.

Rubbish women talk, always looking for ways to blackmail their mother-in-laws. What is wrong in someone who is old enough or even older than your mothers correcting you spoilt brats?
Some of you will never learn from your mates whose marriages  have been destroyed by their unwarranted hatred for their mother inlaws until you become victims yourselves.

As an unwritten rule of thumb, love your mother in-law & enjoy your marriage, detest her & endure a marriage of bitterness and rancour. Nuff said.