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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Cold Nights, Glassy Tears (292 Views)
A MOTHER'S TEARS BY JESSICA DURU / Ocean Of Tears / Tears Of The Boss (2) (3) (4)
Cold Nights, Glassy Tears by JigsawKillah(m): 10:03pm On Oct 26, 2022 |
the moon has refused to sleep he has become a watchman his arm's length torch illuminating my path home on this cold night the lake has refused to sit still dancing to the lullabies of the wind whistling that belly-aching howls Jeffery has refused to think my head carries a load tailor-made for my shoulders and brain is lost in my yoked neck her legs have refused to close but I am just another man who will sit by her muddy bank painting her with the glass from my eyes the night has refused to cave in to light to the moon, the sun sold its birthright I'm but a man who knows only nights at the feet of the dancer lies my peace © Jigs Lionheart 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Cold Nights, Glassy Tears by ShaqFu: 6:26am On Oct 27, 2022 |
JigsawKillah:Nice one Jigs. Did you decide not to use punctuation on purpose? Also, I thought you were going to write each of the lines in iambic tetrameter or pentameter. The syllables in each line are irregular. Some lines have like 8 syllables, some 9 and some even 11 syllables. It would have been cool to follow a particular meter structure. Also, in your first stanza, line 2 and 3. You referred to the Moon as 'he' and 'his' rather than 'it'. I'm still trying to beat my head around the literary device both lines portray, whether it is zoomorphism or anthropomorphism. Heck it's confusing. Lol. I also noticed you started every line in the poem with small letters apart from line 9 and 19. Did you do that on purpose? All the same, this is one heck of a poem. Cheers. |
Re: Cold Nights, Glassy Tears by JigsawKillah(m): 6:31am On Oct 28, 2022 |
ShaqFu: Good morning, Shaq. The small letters, lack of punctuation, and its formlessness were all intentional. The pronouns used for the moon, was in relation to it being a watchman. Do you think its default pronoun should've been retained? |
Re: Cold Nights, Glassy Tears by ShaqFu: 6:43am On Oct 28, 2022 |
JigsawKillah:Morning Jigs. Yeah I believe you should have used the default pronoun. It still gives it the same meaning as you using he instead of it. Modified. You still have your poetic licence so you may as well do as you please. |
Re: Cold Nights, Glassy Tears by JigsawKillah(m): 7:17am On Oct 28, 2022 |
ShaqFu: Thank you, Shaq. I don't know when I zeroed my mind on forms. I can't remember a time I wanted to write anything in a certain form. But you could say that it's the challenge of staying within tight constraints and I'd tell you something about rebelliousness. Lol |
Re: Cold Nights, Glassy Tears by ShaqFu: 9:34am On Oct 28, 2022 |
JigsawKillah: |
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At Sunset / How Yesterday Changed / Poem By Chatinent: State Of Emergency
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