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Here's The Job We've Been Waiting For! - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Here's The Job We've Been Waiting For! by Nobody: 1:43pm On Aug 29, 2007
Exciting Job Opportunities in the Niger Delta ,

Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches in strategic locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its operations to Abuja , the Federal Capital territory. This expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced young officers. The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:

The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja , is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other similar organisation will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided (pictures preferable)


1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)

Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 5ft tall, and may be either male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign European languages, and persons with the ability to swim.


Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).
Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.
Excellent training, involving offshore secondment ( Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time
Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and other International magazines.
Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.

Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed curriculum militae within two weeks to:

Recommendations are allowed!!!
Re: Here's The Job We've Been Waiting For! by RichDad1(m): 6:45pm On Aug 29, 2007
VEYR VERY FUNNY.nice criteria

So where are the Unemployed graduates grin grin grin
Olusegun Aremu Obasanjo
Qualification:Undergraduate (NOUN)
Contact details: Plots 1,2,3, ! Baba Iyabo Farms,Ota,Ogun State,Nigeria
Email: exchampion@asorock.com.ng
Phone # :06035594188.

@ Poster,
I hope this helps.Trust me he's the best man for the job.Good luck cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Here's The Job We've Been Waiting For! by Aiphie(f): 11:03am On Aug 30, 2007
Hey una two no go kil me wit laf Ooooo.
Ehn but rem 'he hef si si' abi. grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Here's The Job We've Been Waiting For! by talk2ahmed(m): 11:32am On Aug 30, 2007
Which EHH HEFF SII SII ha u talking about. May your case not be like a yoruba guy who had F's and P8 in yoruba alone . On seeing his result he exclaimed
" Ahhhh!(u kno how yorubas exclaim) this WAHEC peopu, Chemistry EFF9, Physics EFF9,Geography.EFF9, Honly Yoruba P HEITH"

Another one went " Ehn and Hegg" for Hen and Egg
Re: Here's The Job We've Been Waiting For! by Aiphie(f): 1:38pm On Aug 30, 2007
;d ;d ;d ;d ;d

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