Never attack the person. Criticize the action.
Mel Robbins
Let me guess: Hearing the words, “We need to talk” from a boss, partner or friend sends you into panic mode. If you hate hearing about the things you’ve done wrong and the mistakes you’ve made, you’re not alone. But it’s a catch-22. We don’t like being criticized, but honest feedback is one of the most valuable tools we have for self-improvement.
Criticism hurts for a reason, and the explanation lies in neuroscience. In order to keep us alive, our brains have evolved to react much more strongly to negative things. The brain has evolved this way for a good reason: to keep us safe. Just as 20,000 years ago, the brain was trying to keep hunter-gatherers safe from warring tribes, your brain reacts the same way to a critical comment from your spouse or boss.

But just because that negative feedback hurts, should your partner have avoided giving it? And should you avoid doing the same?

No way—as long as you put a little bit of thought into it.

Research from the University of Michigan shows that the right dose of constructive criticism is actually one of the biggest factors in predicting a high-performing team. And research by John Gottman, Ph.D., a top relationship researcher, also found there’s a sweet spot for how much criticism helps keep relationships alive.

Both teams of researchers arrived at a similar conclusion: In order to keep a relationship or work team performing well, five or six positive interactions were needed for every one criticism or negative interaction.
Criticism, when delivered thoughtfully, (read more)