.

Money matters. It is well.

It is harder for men to provide these days. One major reason for that is lack of understanding of what constitute basic needs and helper role of the helping gender.
When in the bible, the man was referred to as the provider, there were roles for women too. Like harvesting crops, milling them, preserving & storing them, cooking them. Today, advancement in tech has collapsed all of those into the final product and the cost is expected to be borne by the man alone under the guise of providing for his household. [Let's leave household definition aside for now because that's another point of error for most homes and marriages.] You just go to market and buy a bag of processed rice or beans or corn. The woman doesn't do those other task acknowledged in the bible any longer. That shifts responsibility silently from the woman to the man.

What about gathering of firewood to cook? The man buys gas or kerosene stove or electric cooker and pays the bills too. You see why many women become fat and lazy, only nagging and chasing the latest luxuries that add no value?

If we must talk about marriage, let's talk from the inventor's(God and Adam) perspective in order not to amplify confusion.

Is he jobless or what?

momsloved:
■ Now,
If a woman is married to a man who cannot or making effort to provide for the family, shelter, food, train the children, non take any responsibilities in the family,
Is this act not worthy of divorce?
■ A man who sleeps comfortably knowing that everyone in the house is hungry including his little baby, hasn't he proven himself worthy of divorce?
What exactly is the essen of being married to a man who lives all the responsibilities of survival to his wife, knowing that she's struggling and can't just ignore like he do when the children are hungry?
■ To a very sincere man, pls tell me. What go through a man's heart, why would he refuse to make himself valuable to provide for his family and yet comfortable?
■ To a very sincere woman who can put herself in this shoes before commenting. Would you stay married to a man who push ALL the responsibilities on you? Knowing you are not financially capable? A man who watch you struggle to feed his children while he's there, you struggle to pay school fees, struggle to pay bills, struggle to get shelter.
■ You do all these yourself because if you don't, he wouldn't make effort either. A man who can even thought of living you behind because he couldn't afford the rent, so you could sort it out on your own.
What kind of man does this? Are these not enough reasons to divorce him and walk away? What would you advise?

1. Why did the woman marry this kind of man in the first place? Did she seek the opinion of others before she made that decision and what was the general advice that she was given then?

2. These are actually questions for the woman to ask herself. Why burden yourself with that which you knew you could not shoulder to begin with? Why birth kids under such harsh conditions knowing you are yourself incapable of shouldering all the necessary
responsibilities in such a union?

3. All men are not the same and no man can read the mind of other men. Anyone who tells you he can is lying to you.

4. A sincere woman is a woman is who is first honest with herself and no woman of that kind would enter into or stay in a union that she is not cut out for. And she need not seek the opinion of others since she alone knows how much the shoes hurt her.

5. Marriage no be by force. While marriage is beautiful, divorce can also be beautiful in the sense that in it you at least gift yourself freedom you are sorely in need.of particularly when you haven't dug the grave too deep yourself. Again, marriage no be do or die affair. No enter the one way your head no fit and no siddon tight for the one wey go drive you insane or render you dead before your time.

When them feed u for 1 month the world go hear, but when u feed them for 60 years it is normal.
No be una talk say na for better for worse, it is well sha.

this you've seen before you get married but love blinded your eyes

As a family man that have many daughters, what I will advise my daughters when all these happen to them in their marriage are these:

1. Report him to his family, and let them talk to him about his responsibilities as a man.

2. Stop giving him sex and the food you provided for the children

3. Report him to his friends too

When those solution above do not yield good results

4. I will tell my daughter to come to my house and start living with me for 3 months.

5. And after 3 months, things do not change for the better.

6. I will tell her to divorce him. Final.

Teetee777:
As a family man that have many daughters, what I will advise my daughters when all these happen to them in their marriage are these:

1. Report him to his family, and let them talk to him about his responsibilities as a man.

2. Stop giving him sex and the food you provided for the children

3. Report him to his friends too

When those solution above do not yield good results

4. I will tell my daughter to come to my house and start living with me for 3 months.

5. And after 3 months, things do not change for the better.

6. I will tell her to divorce him. Final.

Alright Sir.Noted. point 1-3 have been done already. Although the second point was not properly observed as most times, he pertake in the food as well.
Thanks for the rest of the points.

The Bible says that a man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel.

You don't need to provide the world, atleast provide food.

Mozino007:
Is he jobless or what?

Currently Jobless and not making any effort to get anything doing. He keeps tagging most jobs as below him.
The situation has been the same though even when he had a job.
The difference was, he's always at work, so he eats most of those times outside there.

libertyfather:
this you've seen before you get married but love blinded your eyes

I'm thinking ahead now. Not in the mode to blame myself and be moving backward right now.

Most times in life, our ideas, heart, emotions, foresight and plans fail us. It does happen.

izonborn098:
When them feed u for 1 month the world go hear, but when u feed them for 60 years it is normal.
No be una talk say na for better for worse, it is well sha.

You didn't read well. This is not a gender base post. Besides, why should your wife feed you for eternity? If you were to be my son and a woman is feeding you, I will not take it likely with you

momsloved:
So this thought keep resounding in my head. Divorce.
The beauty of life is when two people In love would you advise?

You chose your life.
There were many good men who approached you when you were younger and beautiful but you pushed them away , you played with the true love of some of them and chose this one.


You chose the life you live.
You will suffer it alone.

If you divorce him, you and your children will suffer and some of them may not survive.
I have spoken!

Divorce the bastard

momsloved:
Alright Sir.Noted. point 1-3 have been done already. Although the second point was not properly observed as most times, he partake in the food as well.
Thanks for the rest of the points.

You are still encouraging him to be lazy when you are still giving him the food. Tell him to go out and find food for himself. Provide food for your children only even if the food remains, keep it, don't let him see it.

momsloved:
Currently Jobless and not making any effort to get anything doing. He keeps tagging most jobs as below him.
The situation has been the same though even when he had a job.
The difference was, he's always at work, so he eats most of those times outside there.

Wahala!

This is not good at all..... A man is not supposed to remain in the floor he fell for so long. The joy of being a man is in providing for ur family.

Since he was not like this before, I advise u talk to him. It could be that the situation of things have made him depressed and most of all interested in whatever goes on in his life. U guys to talk and if possible go for counseling

that thing called marriage is the biggest scam ever, it has break men and has also made men, for those broken as long as you stay in the more the damage beyond repair

momsloved:
I'm thinking ahead now. Not in the mode to blame myself and be moving backward right now.

Most times in life, our ideas, heart, emotions, foresight and plans fail us. It does happen.

momsloved:
So this thought keep resounding in my head. Divorce.
The beauty of life is when two people In love decided to join hand and work hard to survive.
It's becomes difficult to survive alone when the one who is supposed to hold you up, is the one breaking you.
Life is hard and it's very difficult to get help from other people because everyone is facing their own challenges.
I understood. That's why I asked everywhere for help, and non helped me.

Now,
If a woman is married to a man who cannot or making effort to provide for the family, shelter, food, train the children, non take any responsibilities in the family,
Is this act not worthy of divorce?

A man who sleeps comfortably knowing that everyone in the house is hungry including his little baby, hasn't he proven himself worthy of divorce?
What exactly is the essen of being married to a man who lives all the responsibilities of survival to his wife, knowing that she's struggling and can't just ignore like he do when the children are hungry?

To a very sincere man, pls tell me.
What go through a man's heart, why would he refuse to make himself valuable to provide for his family and yet comfortable?
To a very sincere woman who can put herself in this shoes before commenting.

Would you stay married to a man who push ALL the responsibilities on you? Knowing you are not financially capable?
A man who watch you struggle to feed his children while he's there, you struggle to pay school fees, struggle to pay bills, struggle to get shelter.
You do all these yourself because if you don't, he wouldn't make effort either.
A man who can even thought of living you behind because he couldn't afford the rent, so you could sort it out on your own.
What kind of man does this?
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him and walk away?
What would you advise?

I can relate well to this.very similar to mine. I had to move on with my kids. Till now ,after ten years nothing.despite sending the children's school account, not even happy birthdays nor welfare.

He was never responsible from the onset and he will never be responsible. Just make the sacrifice of taking care of yourself and children and allow him fend for himself.

It is well with you.

CSTRR:
The Bible says that a man that cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel.

You don't need to provide the world, atleast provide food.

If you are someone who believes totally in what the Bible teaches you can quote that verse and that's ok if no then cherry picking is null and void.

What I frown at are worldly people who quote one verse in the bible(They rarely do what the Bible teaches) to massage their selfish asserted interest.

@OP most things we experience in relationships we do same in marriage the difference might be in magnitude but it requires just a bit of attention to details.

Marriage is about putting effort, resources, emotions and ideas together for the betterment of the family and the society at large. Teamwork is needed in marriage to make life easier for both parties as they go through life's vicissitudes.

Does this party in marriage fail to do his duties recently based on certain factota like job loss, health issues or other factors? or it has been like this since the word go? If it's the latter there is little you can do but if it's the former, taking out those factors as a family can bring back the status quo and peace back to the family.

jeromestarks:



You chose your life.
There were many good men who approached you when you were younger and beautiful but you pushed them away , you played with the true love of some of them and chose this one.


You chose the life you live.
You will suffer it alone.

If you divorce him, you and your children will suffer and some of them may not survive.
I have spoken!

Spoken as the riff raff you are well known to be.

What is she and the children benefitting from the dead weight of a husband and a father?

Jeromestarks, that is yet to figure out his life, preyed and groomed a teenager for his sexual pleasure is talking about good men and true love?🙄🙄🙄

momsloved:
So this thought keep resounding in my head. Divorce.
The beauty of life is when two people In love decided to join hand and work hard to survive.
It's becomes difficult to survive alone when the one who is supposed to hold you up, is the one breaking you.
Life is hard and it's very difficult to get help from other people because everyone is facing their own challenges.
I understood. That's why I asked everywhere for help, and non helped me.

Now,
If a woman is married to a man who cannot or making effort to provide for the family, shelter, food, train the children, non take any responsibilities in the family,
Is this act not worthy of divorce?

A man who sleeps comfortably knowing that everyone in the house is hungry including his little baby, hasn't he proven himself worthy of divorce?
What exactly is the essen of being married to a man who lives all the responsibilities of survival to his wife, knowing that she's struggling and can't just ignore like he do when the children are hungry?

To a very sincere man, pls tell me.
What go through a man's heart, why would he refuse to make himself valuable to provide for his family and yet comfortable?
To a very sincere woman who can put herself in this shoes before commenting.

Would you stay married to a man who push ALL the responsibilities on you? Knowing you are not financially capable?
A man who watch you struggle to feed his children while he's there, you struggle to pay school fees, struggle to pay bills, struggle to get shelter.
You do all these yourself because if you don't, he wouldn't make effort either.
A man who can even thought of living you behind because he couldn't afford the rent, so you could sort it out on your own.
What kind of man does this?
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him and walk away?
What would you advise?

You're of no value to his life. Divorce him ASAP. Free the man from your constant nagging. He owes you nothing. Divorce him and free him so he can have peace and better life

realtalk19:


I can relate well to this.very similar to mine. I had to move on with my kids. Till now ,after ten years nothing.despite sending the children's school account, not even happy birthdays nor welfare.

He was never responsible from the onset and he will never be responsible. Just make the sacrifice of taking care of yourself and children and allow him fend for himself.

It is well with you.

On his behalf, I thank you from freeing him from your baggage. He owes you nothing and stop sending him account. Free him completely!

Another topic to remind you that marriage has outlived it’s importance, especially to men

What's the situation of things now

@momsloved, I know a man like the one you described and, if not that I went through your other posts, I'd have concluded it's the same person.

His own is worse in that he has an overblown ego and is extremely proud yet brings nothing to the table. He does nothing but sleep and wake up and goes straight to the kitchen as early as 8am, then at 12pm he's opening pots again and then around 6pm. It has become a routine and he's not bothered or ashamed of this.

He's an older relative so I know this very well as I've also been a victim of supporting him... Everyone has but, he's just idle and has no plans to make himself productive. If I am exhausted and stressed out with supporting him as is everyone, I can't imagine what his wife has been through over the years.

I'm a man and honestly, if your mind says let go to have your peace please do for your own good. It's not worth it.

Thank you.

Op,I give it to you, you're trying.


Let's look at it this way,is there a possibility of you not divorcing him,you stay in the marriage and provide for yourself n kids ensuring that nothing goes to him?

It's a suggestion and it's opened to bn countered by you

momsloved:
I'm thinking ahead now. Not in the mode to not blame myself and be moving backward right now.

Most times in life, our ideas, heart, emotions, foresight and plans fail us. It does happen.

I feel your pain and empathize with you.
I pray God makes a way for you out of this.

Khd95:
Another topic to remind you that marriage has outlived it’s importance, especially to men

Honestly, men need stop getting married and bringing problems upon themselves

Sorry to say this but if he had never provided even when he was working, he won't provide even if he gets another job. With a job or Jobless he doesn't provide so you are in for a very long ride

You can decide not to leave him and just struggle for your selves and kids only, lots of women are in your situation of husbands that are alive and living with them but they are living as one who has no husband. Na patch them dey patch am.

He did not go to the village again?

His ego part that is very annoying.

Has your husband moved to the village?