Dear friends...I need your inputs and probably what you honestly think.

All my life I have realized that whenever I go on with my life,in my sins without consciously giving any attention to prayers or my Godly life, positive things happens to me,my hustle becomes successful,things just happen fyme positively,and on the other hand, whenever I become conscious of my sins and wish to turn away from it,wish to get closer to the church and God, become prayerful etc...bad and negative things begins to happen to me,things start going wrong as if getting closer to God makes him remember my sins and thus punishes me?...I just can't understand cos I have consciously monitor this happenings several times.Am just confused and scared to pray,scared to get close to God


AM SO SCARED TO PRAY.
Help me.

Please sir. Pray