I would have staged a walk out of this life since because I am tired of fighting with same sex attraction. This damn feelings is driving me crazy!!

I feel sad every night when I go to bed because I keep saying to myself, "I need to settle down. I have come of age but I have no viable source of income coupled with the feelings I have for same sex." Which woman will end up with me? Where do I begin? Book smart but gay ass mtf like me!!

I have been searching for a sustainable source of income for years now all to avail. I have been fighting same sex attraction since I was a teen, now I am 32; I am still fighting it yet the thought keeps resonating in my head.

I have tried to date women but I end up still admiring boys even while being with girls. I have tried to stop myself from liking boys but it doesn't work. I have prayed, fasted, gone to MFM, had deliverance but non of them lasted.

I am tired. I will take my life someday to end my misery. I only pity my mother; I pray before I do so, she would have passed on. As for God, I am still thinking of what I shall tell him because why can't I just be like other guys? Wtf!!! How can I be loving boys? Every time, boy boy boy in my mtf head!!!