MEN AND DESTRUCTIVE EGO.

By:
Ajukura, Fidelis O.
ajukurafidelisobi@gmail.com
6th December, 2023.

Men are special breed; they lay down their lives in order to protect their homes. Sometimes, they take this responsibility to the extreme when they try to cover-up or protect their wayward and uncooperative wives and children.

One of the greatest weaknesses of men is ego. Ego is simply a feeling or opinion that one has about him/herself: this feeling is formed especially when contrasted with another self or the world. Men have ego. They don't want to appear as weaklings or failures in the eyes of the public especially, their fellow men. In the heart of every man, he is in charge of his home and affairs. In this regard, whatever thing that threatens or attempts to dethrone him as the head of the family is either rebuffed if he has the capacity to do so or he swallows his pride and live with it (this is the greatest destroyer of men). In doing this, he tries as much as possible to camouflage the facts in such a manner that those around him will hardly notice. But what he does not know is that nothing is hidden under the sun - people will always know the truth about him and his home. Men who find themselves in this unpleasant situation work very hard to make ridiculous excuses for their wives failures and inadequacies. This position becomes necessary because they lack the capacity to stem the tide or instill discipline and correction. No burden can be heavier than this. Many men, unfortunately are under this weight. Only few of them are able to break free from this entanglement. Doing this however, may require the man to strip himself of his ego. For example, if he is being subjected to degrading treatment from his spouse due to his inability to provide for his family, he mustn't die in silence - he should be able to speak up and find a way to escape from the mire. It should however be noted that speaking up should be the very last resort.

A man in Lagos known as Boniface was constantly harassed by his wife for not working hard enough to improve their living condition. As the harassment continued unabated, Boniface resolved in his heart to, one day teach his wife a lesson she will never forget by beating her. One Sunday evening when he returned home after attending their community meeting, his wife refused to serve him dinner. When he asked her what the problem was, she shouted at the top of her voice:
'don't ask me that stupid question. Why didn't you eat in that your stupid village meeting?'.
Overwhelmed with anger, Boniface decided to carry out his plan of beating her up. Unfortunately, it was Boniface that was fatally beaten up. He never knew his wife was so powerful. From that day, he became a bigger slave to his wife. Anytime he returns late from work, his wife beats him. The beating became too frequent that he gradually slipped into the status of a 'boi-boi' in the house. The reason being that, he was not able to tell people the truth - that his wife beats him. However, he always consoled himself with the thought that his wife will change. One day, all hell broke loose when he, out of frustration returned home very late from work after heavy drinking, his wife who has been fuming with anger that he stayed out late, threw caution to the wind and, like a hungry lion pounced on him in the full glare of their neighbours. The beating had always been inside their apartment but this time, she decided to do it outside so that neighbours can confirm their suspicion. Boniface, in that drunken state was mercilessly beaten up such that he passed out. It was not until he lay immoveable that the enraged woman left him. When she noticed this, she became afraid and started calling on neighbours to help revive her husband. Unfortunately, all the neighbours in anger ignored her appeal. Only one of their neighbours, Mr. Justin came forward to help revive her husband. When his situation did not improve, they sent for his elder brother who lives nearby. By daybreak the man was rushed to the hospital where he passed away three days later.

Boniface died not because his wife beat him to death but because he failed to address the abusive marriage he was in. The time he realized that his wife had usurped his position or authority as the head of the house, would have been the most appropriate time to take his stand. Instead, he continued in the abusive marriage because he didn't want people to know that his wife beats him till he lost his life. Martin Heidegger, a German existentialist philosopher identified the inauthentic lifestyle as the worst lifestyle any man can live. According to him, the inauthentic lifestyle is when a man lives his life not according to his own dictates but according to the dictates of others. This, to Heidegger is the worst form of deceit. Men who live their lives in this manner usually end in tragedy. If Boniface had cared less about what people will say concerning his wife beating him and terminate the marriage perhaps, would have not died the way he did.

Men must make frantic effort to save themselves from abusive and oppressive spouses. In the same vein, women should not wait for their lives to be snuffed out in abusive marriages.