I m married wt issues and as much as possible I try to play my role: provide for the family, send d kids to sch and at least make d family comfortable wt my reasonable income.
But, my wife is very unappreciative of all my sacrifices, nags so much, and gets me upsets always. In fact she had d audacity to tell me that I am not capable to be a man : insulting my person and I told her that she is a bastard if she remained in my house wtout looking 4 her match after slapping her 2ce (for the 1st time ever) I feel fed up of the whole thing

Well marriage is for beta for worse. Deal wit it i feel so sorry dat she doesnt appreciate. Try ignoring her nags and focus on giv ing ur kids d best

TAILODUL:

I m married wt issues and as much as possible I try to play my role: provide for the family, send d kids to sch and at least make d family comfortable wt my reasonable income.
But, my wife is very unappreciative of all my sacrifices, nags so much,  and gets me upsets always. In fact she had d audacity to tell me that I am not capable to be a man : insulting my person and[b] I told her that she is a bastard[/b] if she remained in my house wtout looking 4 her match[b] after slapping her 2ce[/b] (for the 1st time ever) I feel fed up of the whole thing

@ poster
From what you've written , I can clearly see the signs of a frustrated man and a frustrated wife. You need to ask yourself this question " Was she like this before you married her and even at the early parts of your marriage. If not you definitely need to find out where things went wrong. There must have come a time when your wife got frustrated, might even be a long time ago, It is her own frustration that is being transferred to you. I wouldn't want to major on the bolded part of your write up because they are clearly statements made under the influence of anger. I hope you can try this: Give her the very much attention,listening hear and time she needs and deserve. Her response and reaction should show you where the problem lies or might even be the solution.

Best regards.

learn to give her the "absolute silence treatment"

wake up in the moning, (if she greet u, u answer, if she no greet u leave am. have ur bath check on the kids, and play ur normal rol (without acknowledging her presence of course). dont eat her food, make sure the kids are caterd for. eat outside, get a nice chik if possibe (another woman often makes a man see the world from another angle.

in all, remember ur happiness is first (not ur kids), then any other person follows. i dont believe in for better for worse. if it gets too much. leave her before u die an early death.

no more sufffering and managing when there is a choice.

frank3.16:

learn to give her the "absolute silence treatment"

wake up in the moning, (if she greet u, u answer, if she no greet u leave am. have your bath check on the kids, and play your normal rol (without acknowledging her presence of course). dont eat her food, make sure the kids are caterd for. eat outside, get a nice chik if possibe (another woman often makes a man see the world from another angle.

in all, remember your happiness is first (not your kids), then any other person follows. i dont believe in for better for worse. if it gets too much. leave her before u die an early death.

no more sufffering and managing when there is a choice.

are u married pls (no offence)

OP

You slapping your wife did not change the fact that you are still frustrated and she is still unappreciative according to you. Someone suggested that you give silence treatment but would that keep her from nagging? No.

I know black people do not think counseling and therapy sessions aren't the trend but it definitely help to talk to someone who is experienced and have counseled hundreds of couples. We can give you advices that could help your marriage however the story is one-sided and wife need to be involved in a professional counseling session to hash out the issues between you guys.

If you want to put her out of the house because you are too tired to fight for your marriage then go right ahead but guess what the "new" chick will suffer because you would still be carrying baggage and you will be right back complaining about the new chick.

Marriage in itself isn't the problem, you guys are and figure out how to make it work without being violent and unappreciative toward each other. Don't let the devil win.

^^^
Doffing my hat for this post!

this story makes marriage look so scary mehn!

poster

you should have never put your hands on her. By the way how long have you guys been married? 7yrs?
Seems like your wife needs something to do outside of the home. Does she have a job? is she educated? beyond that can you look within your own self and truly say you have no faults in her reactions to you?

First thing apologize for hitting her and make sure you dont ever do it again. Second sit down and talk to her as equals so she can get out what has been bothering her about you and you can do the same. By talking you both decide ways of not stepping on each others toes and if you do figure out ways of resolving your issues without violence. Third if she is a stay at home mom, she might need to do something to keep her self busy help her in figuring out what she can spend her time on so she doesn't have all the pent up energy to drive you crazy when you get home from work

good luck

I was going to ask the same thing. Does she work outside of the home? How do you feel now that you have slapped the crap out of her? Has it helped your frustration?

Mrs Chima, have given a correct response.

@ Poster i don't know what your wife needs that you have not met that is making her sound so unappreciative, ( though some people are just like that). God help us get the right spouse.

Because seriously, the rate at which people complain about their marraiges, is so confusing, that is why we all need God in our lives (can't say for some people shaa!!! that already have their lives mapped out for them). We need to know what we are getting ourselves into. Marraige is not for babies, it is for the matured minds. You have to be able to handle your home and marraige well and have Christ as your foundation.

Nobody is perfect, and you can never find that perfect person, Just let her insults slide and forgive her, and am sure she would forgive you for hitting her, you did not mean to, we know, but hitting her again and again, will never resolve the issue. Infact it will add ''sand to the gari''. Talk to her and let her understand what your pocket is, she might see you as not wanting to meet her needs as a husband, you take care of other things, bills and children and forget about your wife (and that is a 'maybe'), you need to bond back and let your marraige work.

Life could be very frustrating under this condition, but i always wonder y the sudden changed of spouse after wedding. While some actually enjoy their marriage others are not.

Pls try and deal with the issue in a more open manner - that is finding out from your wife why she is behaving the way she does. Ignoring her will not solve/improve any thing

frank3.16:

learn to give her the "absolute silence treatment"

wake up in the moning, (if she greet u, u answer, if she no greet u leave am. have your bath check on the kids, and play your normal rol (without acknowledging her presence of course). dont eat her food, make sure the kids are caterd for. eat outside, get a nice chik if possibe (another woman often makes a man see the world from another angle.

in all, remember your happiness is first (not your kids), then any other person follows. i dont believe in for better for worse. if it gets too much. leave her before u die an early death.

no more sufffering and managing when there is a choice.

Agreed. Also maybe you can move out for a while cos this one you slapped her already, She might be planning to revenge and you might not know when the anger would overwhelm you and hurt her real bad

You both need to sit down together and get to the root of the problem. You've both been very hurtful towards each other with your words. What she said to you was very hurtful. What you said to her was also very hurtful. You were both wrong. But you took it too far by putting your hands on her. No situation warrants putting your hands on another person. None. You don't want to be verbally and physically abusing each other and call that a marriage. In order to move on, you've to forgive each other and forget the insults you've both hurled at each other. Admit you were both wrong. But more importantly, you've to find out what the issues are. Why's she so angry? What's bothering her? Going for counseling and getting help from a professional is a good idea. There's nothing wrong with admitting you need help and letting a professional third-party help out.

You said you've kids. I hope they weren't around when all these was going down. Even if they weren't, I'm sure they must have picked up the unhappiness between you two. Kids are like sponges; they soak up everything. You don't want what's going on in the home to affect them in any way, either now or in the future. So if you know you want to stay married and have a peaceful home, you two have to sit down and communicate.

its very funny that what most ladies and a few men in the house can see is that "he slaped his wife". have u guys wondered how much she must have frustrated him? to me, the OP sounds like a nice guy and does not deserve such a woman. i am on his side because he must have gotten so fustrated to come on this forum to complain.

guy, u can only life once. you have nothing to gain if she kills you. only make sure that u are not to blame for anything or most things. pleeeeeeeese leave her for a month or three weeks. give urself a break. make urself happy and learn to understand that nobody, i mean nobody is worth the stresss especially when they dont deserve it.

^^^^^ Franky, do not take sides, it is not as if the woman verbally abused the husband and poured hot tea on him, and he was still sitting down watching t.v, they both insulted each other and he further went ahead to hit her. They are both at fault and should apologise to each other, this is marraige and not a relationship.

ronkebp:

^^^^^ Franky, do not take sides, it is not as if the woman verbally abused the husband and poured hot tea on him, and he was still sitting down watching t.v, they both insulted each other and he further went ahead to hit her. They are both at fault and should apologise to each other, this is marraige and not a relationship.

franky mnnn, i love it when ladies call me that. how far with u? lets leave married people alone for a while and talk about us

frank3.16:

franky mnnn, i love it when ladies call me that. how far with u? lets leave married people alone for a while and talk about us

So in all the things i posted, it is only your name that caught your fancy? o di egwu!!!!

frank3.16:

its very funny that what most ladies and a few men in the house can see is that "he slaped his wife". have u guys wondered how much she must have frustrated him? to me, the OP sounds like a nice guy and does not deserve such a woman. i am on his side because he must have gotten so fustrated to come on this forum to complain.

guy, u can only life once. you have nothing to gain if she kills you. only make sure that u are not to blame for anything or most things. pleeeeeeeese leave her for a month or three weeks. give urself a break. make urself happy and learn to understand that nobody, i mean nobody is worth the stresss especially when they dont deserve it.

I don't think that it is funny for a man to slap a woman simply because he is frustrated. It wouldn't be fair for the wife to slap her husband because he couldn't perform in bed to her liking so what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

I did not picked side at all and simply responded objectively because again we are only hearing ONE SIDE OF THE STORY so we could only go by what HE SHARED.

Hitting does not solve anything and that's what children do when they can't respond intelligently.

Natasha pls come and help this guy out. I trust u on this one.

Nagging is a woman's maiden name. calling you names shows she knows you completely.

Do this:
Dont be silent but change. Live like a single guy

Na wa for modern day ladies oh!

Guy, its definitely your fault for not doing your due diligence before marrying this woman. She does not love you and would never support you as a wife should support her husband. My suggestion to you is to call it quit and try to find a woman that's gonna love you and take care of your kids. A man's self esteem/success is largely based on the support he gets from home/wife.  I have gone through a good number of your  numerous responses advising you to talk to her and try to work things out. The gospel truth is that this might work for a few weeks even months but the she will returns to her old antics because she doesn't consider you to be a real man, she feels she can do better than you and until you cut her loose she wouldn't know better. Lastly I hope she isn't cheating on you.

poster pls do not listen to Frank 3.16;sounds like the voice of the devil.

i do not bliv that anything can justify a man beating his wife. would u beat ur friend if he insults u?then why a woman? ur wife dts supposd 2 be close 2 u.

anyway, marriage is a union of 2 pple, so its about both of u, cos u make d marriage.

respect each other and never take each other for granted.remember why u guys chose each other, talk and work things out.

communication plays a vital role.

dont be a quitter.weigh ur actions, pray and ask God to help and he will.

The only thing i can tell you is that God will guide your heart to wisdom to handle this season of your marriage.

Sentiments aside, Some women really can push their men to the extreme. I do not support the slap though.

Many people that are not married dont know what is  true marriage is all about and what the pain of marriage is all about especially in this generation that we are. As am typing dis am having mis understandingwith my wife. Why ? She just woke up this morning started nagging with no reason at all despite the fact that we were playing thru out yest wen i came back frm wrk. But i understand her well. Any time this happen i dnt look her face again. I just do my normal wrk at hm before goin out. I knw she will be calm later. If there is much struggling financially at hm, it may cause dis gradually. No mata hw long u stay in relationship, wen u enter marriage, it is another level entirely. Op, just try and ignore her for a while as if you are not d one she is talking to all the time and give attention much to your kids so that you dnt give your self uneccesary tension. Try it may be it will work out.Some i know did the same, the man will be 70 dis week and still kicking while the woman is paralyesed because of stroke at around 50 cos of nursing tension she accumlated. Be wise and pray always!

One very important thing about marriage is the foundation.The fact that a lady has big bums and you have the money to buy her blackberry and take her out does not mean she is right for you.When people don't get their foundations right this is what you get.Since i got married i have not had any major issues with my wife.It is because i took time to get things right and was well matured before i married.

learn to give her the "absolute silence treatment"

solution for now

Na wa for modern day ladies oh! before you make your sweeping generalisation, maybe we need to hear the woman's part first. Granted a lot of ladies out there are evil, there are still some really nice women too, who strive to be the best for their men who still treat them like trash. my dear, ignore her for some time, that will irritate her initiallly but if u keep it up, she will break and then you can sit her down and talk some sence to her, if she doesnt change, then maybe you should give her some space, Goodliuck.