Hello Everyone, hope you are all doing well in your respectful endeavors be it your job or your family and whatever else is out there. I am a Nigerian girl specifically Ibo who was relocated to the states at a fairly young teenage age. I was raised by a single mother, in other words there was never a male figure around the house. According to my understanding as a child, i was told to tell people that my father was dead mainly because my mother did everything for me and my siblings. My biological father came around but i used to call him Uncle. At the age of 10 "Uncle" said to me you need to stop calling me that because i am your daddy. I said well Uncle if you really are my daddy then why are you not married to my mommy. How come i have mommy's marriage name and not your last name. Fast forward a couple of years later, mom relocates my sister and myself to the states and her reason was that Nigeria's education system was falling apart and that time Nigeria was corrupt and under military rule. I have finished my high school and college education and currently in the workforce. Let's just say everytime i have tried to have a boyfriend my mother has been the demise of the relationship. She destroyed my African American boyfriend even though he loved me to death and everyone said we would get married after graduation. I dated a Greek guy because we lived in a rural area in PA. He was scared of my mom too because she criticized him too. Now i am in love with a much older American guy who treats me like Gold. He even went as far as buying a ring and proposing to me on one knee and asking me to be the mother of his children. I have met his mother and a few family members who live in the area. I do romantic things like look nice for my boyfriend and wear sexy lingerie for him. On one occasion she being my mother said i am a prostitute because my boyfriend is older than me and treats me to nice hotels. The only difference is that he promises that he would marry me. This same woman has been threatening me with when i move back to Nigeria it will be too late to call me for advice because i will be in another part of the world and too far to reach. I reminded her that "you" being my mother had abandoned me for 4 consecutive years between the ages of  9 and 13 with my biological father and his wife who i was subjected to call mommy as well even though she wasn't my mother. she also dumped me with a 2nd cousin to be my care taker as in shuffle me back and forth to boarding school, pay tuition and offer me a place to sleep and eat until i headed back to my all girls boarding school. I said the reason these things are fflaringup now is because your cousin's wife made sure i slept on bare cold floors and i wasn't properly fed. she also made sure to make me carry several loads of water on my head and made me travel several miles on foot to get this water. This same woman would tell me do you want to finish the food in my house or do you want my children to die when i told her i was hungry. I said mom you sent money to this man and his wife and supposedly the money was meant for my upkeep. I said you were even aware of how evil this woman was to me because when you would return from your trips to lLondonfor your so called PHD programs, the neighbors informed you of the things she did to me. This couple is now in the states, i will not disclose the state they reside in for privacy purposes. she said i accused her of being a mother, i said i am just saying that when the time comes for me to have a family, i will never leave them with 2nd cousins or extended family and go to London or Canada and send money for their upkeep. She said that the woman is evil and comes from a part of Nigeria where the women are beautiful and are known to be down right evil. I said look, that's all fine by me. My thing is that i don't intend on going back to Nigeria or having any contact with my biological father or your extended cousins who live in different parts of the country. Even as teenagers, my own sister had hurt me emotionally telling me that i am a bastard child and that i need to go back to Nigeria to find who my birth father really is. Right now i live in a different state and my sister has a 5yr old son. i am moving into a new apartment and starting a brand new life with my fiance. I told my mother i wish her the best of luck when and if she chooses to return to Nigeria. I also said when you do come into the states for visits to please not contact me and reserve your own hotels, rental car and what not because i will not be available to pick you up and my husband and i will not open our house up for you to stay for long terms. My mother constantly tells me that my sister is the only sister i have and that she would never kick me out if i needed a place to stay. I said you need to take that nonsense back because i can count on how many occasions my so called sister has thrown my stuff on the street and threatened to call the cops on me just because times were tough. I said she has forgotten when i made a whole lot of money and when her son was born and i made house calls to deliver them diapers on a weekly basis. i said she was also forgotten that i used to travel 2hrs from Bethlehem, PA to Nutley, NJ burning gas and putting myself at risk just to get to her and my nephew when the US Economy wasn't so bad. I said i understand you want to see your daughters get along but i am the place in my life that i know what i want. I will not be bullied or bossed around by my own sister because it is convenient to be that older sister when it's convenient. My relationship is flourishing and i am happy where i am, my relationship isn't like my sister's. The man that i am with is not a reflection of the man my sister was with and  the father of her son. I guess i am writing here because i want people to share my pain and see if i am in my right mind to feel the way i do and if i am being unreasonable for minding my own business and keeping my family members at a distance at this point in my life.

Why not break it into paragraphs?

Chigirl please break it into paragraphs for easy reading. How old are you by the way. It might give clarity. If you are 21 I can understand your mothers fear. When you say older man how old are we saying?

I apologize for not utilizing my writing skills to the best of my ability here. I hope you can make the best of this situation. I just turned 28 in September. I guess i am not that far from the big 30.

You are not a baby. I am not sure why your mom is being so posessive. You are old enough to be married. Does your mother have a husband now or has it been just you guys since she took you back from the family she left you with. Maybe she is afraid you will make the same mistakes she did. You are a woman. Sit down and talk to your mother. woman to woman. Your mother was wrong for making you lie about your father. It seems that she let you guys carry adult problems and she still seems to not understand that your life is separate from hers and she cannot take control of another human life so completely. Especially an adult. Talk to your mom. I do not see any other way around it.

I guess to add insult to injury at this time. I am coming to find out my mother also lied on my birth certificate. I never really paid attention to what was told to me as a child or even bothered to look at the details of my birth certificate but my biological father is not on there and has never played a part in my life. when i am at my mother's house and the calls come in from Nigeria, she expects me to talk to him when i could give a rat's behind what that man has to say to me. I really hate her now and wish she had never given birth to me or concocted these lies to make herself look good and to supposedly prevent me from pain or whatever the hell for my sake. No matter what happens in my present relationship, i will be sure to tell the truth to all my children and i will not lie on my child's birth certificate even if i wasn't married when they were born.

Hello Everyone,

Hope you are all doing well in your respectful endeavors be it your job or your family and whatever else is out there. I am a Nigerian girl specifically Ibo who was relocated to the states at a fairly young teenage age. I was raised by a single mother, in other words there was never a male figure around the house. According to my understanding as a child, i was told to tell people that my father was dead mainly because my mother did everything for me and my siblings. My biological father came around but i used to call him Uncle. At the age of 10 "Uncle" said to me you need to stop calling me that because i am your daddy. I said well Uncle if you really are my daddy then why are you not married to my mommy. How come i have mommy's marriage name and not your last name.

Fast forward a couple of years later, mom relocates my sister and myself to the states and her reason was that Nigeria's education system was falling apart and that time Nigeria was corrupt and under military rule. I have finished my high school and college education and currently in the workforce. Let's just say everytime i have tried to have a boyfriend my mother has been the demise of the relationship. She destroyed my African American boyfriend even though he loved me to death and everyone said we would get married after graduation. I dated a Greek guy because we lived in a rural area in PA. He was scared of my mom too because she criticized him too. Now i am in love with a much older American guy who treats me like Gold. He even went as far as buying a ring and proposing to me on one knee and asking me to be the mother of his children.

I have met his mother and a few family members who live in the area. I do romantic things like look nice for my boyfriend and wear sexy lingerie for him. On one occasion she being my mother said i am a LovePeddler because my boyfriend is older than me and treats me to nice hotels. The only difference is that he promises that he would marry me. This same woman has been threatening me with when i move back to Nigeria it will be too late to call me for advice because i will be in another part of the world and too far to reach. I reminded her that "you" being my mother had abandoned me for 4 consecutive years between the ages of 9 and 13 with my biological father and his wife who i was subjected to call mommy as well even though she wasn't my mother. she also dumped me with a 2nd cousin to be my care taker as in shuffle me back and forth to boarding school, pay tuition and offer me a place to sleep and eat until i headed back to my all girls boarding school. I said the reason these things are fflaringup now is because your cousin's wife made sure i slept on bare cold floors and i wasn't properly fed. she also made sure to make me carry several loads of water on my head and made me travel several miles on foot to get this water. This same woman would tell me do you want to finish the food in my house or do you want my children to die when i told her i was hungry.

I said mom you sent money to this man and his wife and supposedly the money was meant for my upkeep. I said you were even aware of how evil this woman was to me because when you would return from your trips to lLondonfor your so called PHD programs, the neighbors informed you of the things she did to me. This couple is now in the states, i will not disclose the state they reside in for privacy purposes. she said i accused her of being a mother, i said i am just saying that when the time comes for me to have a family, i will never leave them with 2nd cousins or extended family and go to London or Canada and send money for their upkeep. She said that the woman is evil and comes from a part of Nigeria where the women are beautiful and are known to be down right evil. I said look, that's all fine by me. My thing is that i don't intend on going back to Nigeria or having any contact with my biological father or your extended cousins who live in different parts of the country. Even as teenagers, my own sister had hurt me emotionally telling me that i am a bastard child and that i need to go back to Nigeria to find who my birth father really is. Right now i live in a different state and my sister has a 5yr old son. i am moving into a new apartment and starting a brand new life with my fiance. I told my mother i wish her the best of luck when and if she chooses to return to Nigeria. I also said when you do come into the states for visits to please not contact me and reserve your own hotels, rental car and what not because i will not be available to pick you up and my husband and i will not open our house up for you to stay for long terms. My mother constantly tells me that my sister is the only sister i have and that she would never kick me out if i needed a place to stay.

I said you need to take that nonsense back because i can count on how many occasions my so called sister has thrown my stuff on the street and threatened to call the cops on me just because times were tough. I said she has forgotten when i made a whole lot of money and when her son was born and i made house calls to deliver them diapers on a weekly basis. i said she was also forgotten that i used to travel 2hrs from Bethlehem, PA to Nutley, NJ burning gas and putting myself at risk just to get to her and my nephew when the US Economy wasn't so bad. I said i understand you want to see your daughters get along but i am the place in my life that i know what i want. I will not be bullied or bossed around by my own sister because it is convenient to be that older sister when it's convenient. My relationship is flourishing and i am happy where i am, my relationship isn't like my sister's.

The man that i am with is not a reflection of the man my sister was with and the father of her son. I guess i am writing here because i want people to share my pain and see if i am in my right mind to feel the way i do and if i am being unreasonable for minding my own business and keeping my family members at a distance at this point in my life.

I actually found it was one of the few "chunks" of post I was able to follow easily (probably because I wasn't reading it on my mobile phone).

Chigurl I don't really know what to say to you. Your situation sounds similar to a friend with the exception that she had a good relationship with her father but none with her mother. Like you, she has next to no relationship with her sister who has a child.

And I can understand your need to vent. You are not the sum of your mother's mistakes, but at the end of the day she is your mother. At least you have said your own and she knows where you stand. The success of your current relationship is up to you, I wish you all the best. One thing I would advise is that, when you do have your children and they are old enough, make sure they know who they family is from your side and don't stop them from forming relationships with your family.

@nike4luv
God less u for editing this post, its a very captivating story but many might have been turned off by the writing structure.

Back to the topic, its never too late to discover the truth about any situation, any lady can give birth, but not every lady is fit to be a mother. Motherhood is a previledge.