The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating

It means “the real value of something can be judged only from practical experience or results and not from appearance or theory.”

Translation to Yoruba
Itowo ni adun obe.

Nigerian Market Analogy
Gone are those days when guys go to the market to sample Garri (a common Nigerian staple food). On the quest for ''sour'' Garri to soak with water & groundnut we actually sample Garri from different stalls and in the end we either buy from one of the stalls or end up not buying at all while we are adequately satisfied. This same analogy applies to most single men today when it comes to women.

Relationship Analogy
In the name of courtship/dating, youths sample themselves for weeks, months or years and then either end up marrying one another or breaking up. The association is usually said to be mutualism wherein both partners are benefiting from the relationship. But in reality, the relationship is actually parasitic as one person "enjoys" and the other suffers especially if a break up ensues.

The intention for dating varies from different people. Some are only looking for a bed-mate. Others a temporary/permanent companion, an ATM, a housemaid and the list goes on. By courtship, the partners hope to study each other and also their compatibility.

Islamic Perspective
Islam forbids association of this kind. Islam directs us to do Istikharah (Supplication of seeking guidance) and Istisharah (Seeking council of the right people)! The onus is on us all to learn about these two words above in bold.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

“Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.” [al-Noor 24:3]

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Made lawful to you this day are al-tayyibaat [all kinds of halaal (lawful) foods…]. The food of the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due mahr (bridal money given by the husband to the wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith, the fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.” [al-Maa’idah 5:5]

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Maghfal reported that there was a woman who had been a prostitute during the days of ignorance (before Islam). A man passed by her, or she passed by him, and he touched her. She said: “Stop it! (Mah! A word connoting a rebuke or denunciation). Allaah has done away with shirk and had brought Islam.” So he left her alone and went away, still looking at her, until he walked into a wall, hitting his face. He came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him what had happened. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You are a man for whom Allaah wishes good. When Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, wishes good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for his sin, so that it is dealt with before the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by al-Haakim, 1/349, who said this hadeeth is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 308).

It is not even permissible for a man to be alone with a woman who is not his mahram (unmarriageable kin), because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No man should be alone with a woman unless there is a mahram with them.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1862) and Muslim (1341). And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1171) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

These aayaat and ahaadeeth clearly indicate that it is haraam (forbidden) for men to have any kind of friendship or relationship with non-mahram women (women to whom they are not closely-related and to whom they could get married). The evil consequences and misery caused by such relationships are obvious to anyone who observes real life.

In Summary
1. A Muslimah is not available for "sampling" as is common in nowadays dating/courtship.

2. Do Istikharah, Istishaarah and work on yourself.

3. Staying alone with a lady you can marry is forbidden in Islam.

4. "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" does not go in Islam.

We ask Allaah to keep us far away from that which is forbidden, to protect us from all that may earn His wrath and to keep us safe from a painful punishment. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Ameen