I should have titled this post as the beginning of my criminal series. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...but thats for that


1) THE URGENCY:

So i'm a professional kidnapper. Sold my soul to the game a long time ago and to me, all humans are just walking business tranaaction waiting to happen

I receive my ransom in dollar$ and pounds and sometimesin #aira( high 7 figures)

I need to get the investigation department off my back and also make my money look clean when the IRS is balancing my account record

tough luck,
but luckily for me, i have a pastor friend

2) THE PASTOR FRIEND: The Game Changer

"How would anyone know how much is deposited in a church offering box. A church member puts a $100 bill in the offering box while another member writes a cheque of #5 million and puts it in. How exactly can people tell how much the church business made at the end of the business service"


EXACTLY!

They wont. THEY DONT.

Same as the IRS.

Thats why MOST of the offering box are not made transparent. Its just a metal opaque box with a thin slit at the top of the box (not for your sinful eyes to see. lolzzz)

My pastor friend tells me this: "If i put in #10 and at the end of the day, he tells the IRS i put in $100 bill, HOW would the IRS know.

its not like the IRS calls church member to ask how much they deposited in church on sunday or other service days

Now, if i, a church member, put in #1000 bill in the offering box, and at the end of the business service, my pastor accounts that a certain church member contributed ten $100 bill, HOW WOULD THE IRS FVCKIN KNOW

Ta-da!

but then, the offering box is just an ordinary box. People would see it in ths streets and not look at it the second time. But place that ordinary box in a church and it will attract peoples hard earned money


3) THE CHURCH: A Secret Front to Launder your money.

'Pay the church so the church will pay you back'- IAmHim1, the Wisest One

So, you have #100 million of your hard earned money *lolz* you need to launder. Youve gotten advice from your pastor friend. Now is the time to do your freedom.

3a)THE CHURCH LAUNDERING BLUEPRINT:

Build a massive church. This massve church MUST be located in high brow area filled with top class rich and influential people

NOTE: You dont actually need the offering of these rich people. What you need is their presence in your church to give unlookers the illusion that these rich people might likely pay a substantial sum as tithe and offering to their god they think will wash their sins away

Hire your agent and give him the title of General Oversee. He will have baby pastors under him but they are all workers under your payroll.

The General Overseer hired by you must be a smooth conman with vast knowledge of biblical scriptures and be gifted with loud voice to preach the word clearly. Ability to pray in devils tongue is an added benefit. Sheke-bula shaka-bula and chillz

You as the church owner would want to remain as lowkey as possible. Never should this secret get out to anyone.

Make it a many program church to give room for new members to come and to give onlookers the illusion that many church members = more tithes and offerings

Then invest massively in programmes that attracts teens FIRST. teens are easy to sway compared to old people and teenagers can easily convince their parents compared to parent easily convincing their teenagers these days

Exactly. The teenagers get hooked in the fun games and Live musical bands and worship session filled with hot holy tears and sorrowful heart that they soon invite their parents to come experience wonders in their church. Your church to be precise

THEIR INFLUENTIAL AND TOP CLASS PARENTS. Now you have gotten them. its now a questuon of keeping them.
Create attractive programs for the elderly amongst them. people too. Business class and Marriage seminars are what couples cant live without hearing these days

At this point, you would have achieved your goals.
Rich and influential people would be hooked to your money laundering church and you can have an excuse as to how your church manage to have an account with million of naira flowing in. #100 million to be exact. * wink wink**


Remember, these rich and influential people dont need to pay tithe and offering up to #100 million. You already have the #100 million. What you seek is to send it into your account and make it appear as a clean money from a clean source


5) CONCLUDING YOUR BUSINESS TRANSACTION

Some time in the future, this massive church you built is gonna want to make MASSIVE building REPAIRS or include a new building or make a donation to a foundation to help the needy.

But you already have a foundation that accepts donation that treats people with teeth headaches or eye sickness and also makes research on ending world hunger overnight. The money from the church now goes into the foundation

But guess who owns both the foundation and the church.

Now your hard earned #100 million you invested as offerings now comes back to you as donations to your foundation(s). Thats if you were smart enough to have more than 1 foundation and 1 church


After the end of your business transaction, you appear on a special sunday and give the highest tithe and offering possible, announcing it in public and baffling all the other members, subtly challenging them to do more than you. Its an unwritten business language

You give out the highest tithe and offering possible with FULL confidence


WHY

because you know that your offering and tithe will come back to you through one of your many foundations. lolzzz

You continue your kidnapping business and everyone is happy


Stay safe out there people


Use your head or i will personally use it for you. Lolzzz

Very difficult to read what's written..
But if it's by your title, building mosque is the easiest way to launder money.
One person can build 20 mosques even if there are no worshippers there.

Most mosques are built by political thieves and the clerics will still "bless" them

Hmmm!

Religion in Naija