When I get into a new environment, I study the way of life of the residents, in order to understand how and why they do things. Whatever I consider admirable, I copy it. Whatever I don’t consider special, I don’t copy.

Even though I had spent two years in Ondo State as a child, it was when I arrived in Lagos during my post-university National Youth Service Corps scheme that I was mature enough to study the way of life of the Yoruba people.

For example, while I was working at an organisation, a colleague of ours died in an auto accident. He was a man in his early 40s. We went for the wake. The only thing that was placed on the tables where we sat was bottled water. But nobody even drank the water. After the wake, we comforted the widow and left. The next day, we gathered again for the funeral ceremony. After that, we headed for the cemetery. He was buried and we dispersed. There was no eating or drinking.

I learnt that among the Yoruba people, the death of a young person does not attract a celebratory ceremony. The Yoruba believe that people who died at an age that is considered premature did not fulfil their destiny. Therefore, the funeral rites of such people will be brief with no music. Also, no eating or drinking will take place at such a funeral. The age range can be from one to the 60s.

Yoruba people also don’t attend the funeral of those who are younger than they are. This includes parents not attending the funeral of their children as well as older siblings not attending their younger siblings’ funeral. It is believed that the natural order is that people should pass on according to their age.

However, if the deceased is an elderly person, the mood is completely different. The deceased will be sent off to the great beyond with an elaborate funeral, which will feature music (singing and dancing) as well as eating and drinking.

In Igbo land where I grew up, the belief is similar, with some slight differences. It is believed that people should live long and fulfill their destiny. When a young person, especially an unmarried person, dies, it is believed that the person has broken the chain of life by not leaving a child behind. The funeral is brief without much fanfare.

However, Igbo people believe that every person deserves a complete funeral. Any sort of “incomplete funeral” – with no fanfare of guests coming in with their troupe – is seen as dishonoring the deceased. The belief is that nobody has the power to decide when to die or who should die first, even though it is sad when people die prematurely. If the deceased left behind a spouse, children, siblings and parents, they will feel bad if their relative is “buried like a nobody” – with no ceremony. It is expected that friends, in-laws and well-wishers will attend the funeral in their respective groups. Some will come in with a musical troupe. Usually, guests will come in with gifts for the bereaved. All that human activity and noise are counted as part of showing respect to the dead. It is also a way to show that the deceased did not drop from the sky. In return, the bereaved family is expected to host the guests with food and drinks. It is deemed in bad taste not to offer your guests “kola nut”, especially when such guests came from afar and also brought gifts in cash and kind.

However, if you stand apart from the crowd of mourners and look at the scene, especially when the funeral ceremony of a young person in his or her 30s or 40s is being conducted with all the activities, including eating and drinking, it does not look nice. It is worse if the deceased died in an accident and has a very young spouse and children who are still in primary and secondary schools. There is no way to explain that the mourners are not “rejoicing” that a young person has just died.

That is why I prefer the way the Yoruba bury their young people. The Edo people also do it the same way – no drinking, no eating, no music. One could argue that burying people who are in their 50s and 60s with no ceremony may be an overkill, but burying people in their 30s and 40s with eating and drinking can never be rationalised. That was why people reacted with criticism when they saw guests eating and drinking at last week’s funeral of Junior Pope, the actor who got drowned some weeks ago. The family could have provided the food and drinks to show their hospitality to guests who came from different parts of the country to honour their relative. But it just didn’t look nice.

It is hard to stop the way people have been doing their things for long. But it is possible to stop it. The churches and family groups are very strong in Igbo land. If the churches start preaching against it and even making laws on it, the family groups called umunna will join in enforcing it.

The other thing I learnt from Yoruba land is the way they conduct their events and parties. No matter how small the event is, there are usually tables for guests. It is very awkward to attend an event where people sit in the theater format with no tables, and one has to keep one’s food and drinks on a chair or on the floor. Furthermore, the Yoruba have a tradition of using professional event managers to organize their events, including very small events like naming ceremonies. But Igbo people usually use family and friends for such, leading to things sometimes not being well organized. Also if you attend a Yoruba event, as you sit down there is something on the table for you to chew on or drink. As you are sitting down, your order is being taken and you are being served. Conversely, you have to wait for an Igbo event to kick off and the MC gets to Item 7 before guests are served. Sometimes guests have become tired and hungry.

I also learnt in Yoruba land that a wedding church service is an important event to attend. It was when I came to Yoruba land that I saw the church full during wedding services. In Igbo land, the church service would be sparse while the wedding reception would be full.

I also learnt in Yoruba land that while attending a church service, wedding, funeral or birthday party, one should dress in full traditional attire. Among the Igbo, one could wear jeans, T-shirt, dress shirt, and the like to such events. It is not counted as unusual.

I also learnt in Yoruba land that one should take life easy. It is doubtful if there is an ethnic group in Nigeria whose people put themselves through stress more than the Igbo. An Igbo man may be building a house in Lagos and building another in his hometown simultaneously or one immediately after the other. He travels from his base in Lagos or Abuja to the South-East two or three times every month to supervise one building project or the other or to attend a marriage or funeral or meeting. From Monday to Saturday, he goes to work or to his business. Later on Saturdays, he attends weddings. On Sundays, he attends town union meetings. It is rare to see an Igbo person going on vacation. He may send his wife and children overseas but he does not go except when he travels for a business transaction. But a Yoruba will do his business or work and still create some time for relaxation or holidays.

In all this, every ethnic group is unique in its own way. There is a reason why they do their things in a particular way. No culture is better than the other, but people can learn from one another. There are also some things which a Yoruba who has studied the Igbo people closely can learn from them.

X: @BrandAzuka

Azuka Onwuka

Good talk my brother