₦airaland Forum

agiboma dear,

i've been trough this hell and i understand you. after 4 years of "marriage" i took my child and left him. this abusive situation it will not stop ever. he will not change, no matter how many people you involve: family, friends, pastor, and no matter what you do. only God can cange them, but again, only if they want to be change and so far it doesn't seems.

my dear, don't blame yourself about anything; it's not about weight or any other issue. it's a power game and you are manipulated and used.  and you know what? he will treate all the women the same, because that  makes him feel self worthy and powerful.

"God save the queen" Women r something else.In all the listed comments only 1 is preferrable.My dear poster,pls dont listen 2 these ill minded advice given by most of ur fellow creatures(human).But b4 i advice u, i'll luv 2 knw the tribe ur husby comes from.Diffrnt tribes has diffrnt ways of approaching them[no harm intended]

^^^^^^^ Seriously so you would wish that type of man for your sisters?

My dear, I have been in ur shoes and all i can tell you is only you can decide to help urself. I have been there, I have defended his actions, excused it, even made up stories to convince myself he loves me, but the truth will always wake you up any time you look in the mirror.
As for staying with for your son, dats what me ex husbands mom gave as her reason to stay and my ex who was once a decent, caring, loving and kind man is now the exact replica of his dad, infact his dad will salute him now cos he does more than his dad. His sister cant stay with a man who treat her well, if a man is nice she will cheat on him and emotionally abuse him, she prefers men who slap her from time to time, cheat on her and treat her like trash. Your future and your sons future is in your hands, your husband is an adult and has made his choice, its your own choice to make now, we cant tell you what to do dear, you know in your hearts of hearts what is right, you are just desperately trying to find someone who will say what you want to convince urself that he loves you, but dear you know d truth

@ changes he is Igbo
@ cotton i will definetly finish my Masters another year to go
@bamboocha thanks for your encouraging words

I have spoken to him yesterday i told him that everyone on Nairaland thinks i should pack up and leave well we had a heart to heart talk, and we have concluded on a few things only time will tell if any changes come of it for now i told him he has changed and is not the same man i met 8 years ago. I also told him im not ready to have another baby unless things change. Furthermore he begged me to come to this country so we can be a family and i wont live in this misery half way around the world from my own family. I told him his family is here now in his home and if he should respect that. We agreed that our relationship needs rebuilding in some areas and will start to work on it.

Thanks all for your kind words most of you anyways.

hahaha, you actually sat him down to say ''counselors/psychologists on Nairaland told you to pack up and go? kai, you are something else girl 
i no fit laugh, but seriously a man dey hammer your head for obodo oyinbo and you no fit Akatanized his head? package in portmato and drosses throway am for outside, you dey here dey talk eh ba, ummm, odikwa risky nnwanem 

agiboma:
@ changes he is Igbo
@ cotton i will definetly finish my Masters another year to go
@bamboocha thanks for your encouraging words

I have spoken to him yesterday i told him that [b]everyone on Nairaland thinks i should pack up and leave [/b]well we had a heart to heart talk, and we have concluded on a few things only time will tell if any changes come of it for now i told him he has changed and is not the same man i met 8 years ago. I also told him im not ready to have another baby unless things change. Furthermore he begged me to come to this country so we can be a family and i wont live in this misery half way around the world from my own family. I told him his family is here now in his home and if he should respect that. We agreed that our relationship needs rebuilding in some areas and will start to work on it.

Thanks all for your kind words most of you anyways.

2012 go bring huge and better change, keep your fingers cross sistah.

Thanks at the end of the day i can honestly say i have not been the perfect wife and i am not so much the victim you people think i am. I have realized my mistakes and will continue to work with my husband to rebuild our relationship.

Goodluck, but you should not have told him about Nairaland, your love for your husband is huge. I just pray he can be the man you deserve (if you have been good). That prayer would be a curse if you haven't. The summary is that I wish you well.

thanks mac

agiboma:
@ changes he is Igbo
@ cotton i will definetly finish my Masters another year to go
@bamboocha thanks for your encouraging words

I have spoken to him yesterday i told him that everyone on Nairaland thinks i should pack up and leave well we had a heart to heart talk, and we have concluded on a few things only time will tell if any changes come of it for now i told him he has changed and is not the same man i met 8 years ago. I also told him im not ready to have another baby unless things change. Furthermore he begged me to come to this country so we can be a family and i wont live in this misery half way around the world from my own family. I told him his family is here now in his home and if he should respect that. We agreed that our relationship needs rebuilding in some areas and will start to work on it.

Thanks all for your kind words most of you anyways.

Woman u are a clownnnnn as in serious comic relief loool, u actually told him about NL and he instantly said he will change, gal we not block heads judging from d the way u have potrayed his character, I sense telling him has provoked him to arrange 7 more concubines to his list of fornications.Sweerie stop bleeding in love dis guy plays you out like our grandfathers rinsed out the legendary Bob Marley's track,did he promise to stop womanising too ?  am sure he did but obviously that can never change he's a SERIAL CHEATER.However, I see your love for him is beyond words and I say dis prayer for you GOD PLS MAKE HIM HER DESIRE,IF IMPOSSIBLE GRANT HER SON A ROLE MODEL AND SHE D MOTHER HER HEART DESIRE.Goodluck I go love ooooo *winks*

Idowuogbo:
Woman u are a clownnnnn as in serious comic relief loool, u actually told him about NL and he instantly said he will change, gal we not block heads judging from d the way u have potrayed his character, I sense telling him has provoked him to arrange 7 more concubines to his list of fornications.Sweerie stop bleeding in love dis guy plays you out like our grandfathers rinsed out the legendary Bob Marley's track,did he promise to stop womanising too ?  am sure he did but obviously that can never change he's a SERIAL CHEATER.However, I see your love for him is beyond words and I say dis prayer for you GOD PLS MAKE HIM HER DESIRE,IF IMPOSSIBLE GRANT HER SON A ROLE MODEL AND SHE D MOTHER HER HEART DESIRE.Goodluck I go love ooooo *winks*

To be honest with you it is the child I am worried about. She has basically told this man all her plans. If a man like this knows what this woman is thinking he can hide that child and there is nothing she can do. That she eve went back and talked to this man is beyind me. Wow. I am truly speechless

^I am with you on this one,I pity d poster but my concerns are still drawn to d innocent caught up in d ever ascending mess.Hey they say love is blind I guess marriage is the real eye opener, she's refuses to leave lala land its a pity d kid  has to suffer a bit from his mama denial.I hope she won't show him dis again oo, cus u won't know wen he go begin swear for our enemies say we dey inject badluck for am, I have said enough.

This is a very pathetic story.And my simple advice is be patient and try to keep it cool,going by your story you fight a lot and like we all know we can never reach a compromise or a consensus by fighting or throwing tantrums.So the need for one to dialogue cannot be overemphasized,because in a situation whereby we have 2 angry people fighting every day over the same issue;one may want to ask who is at the receiving end-both of you,but going by your story you are having a larger share of the all fiasco.

Thank God you've taken the right footing,by realizing that fighting will not and will never solve any problem.
Always show him LOVE and give him the respect he deserves as head in the house just as the bible admonishes.
DON'T be quick anger and
Learn the habit of solving certain family issues amicably between the both of you with involving a third party.

Apply this common but a very vital ingredients that can help spiced up relationship!If you are chanced you can click on my signature below to get about
97 ways to have a happy relationship.

point of correction i did not show him the nairaland thread, i mention it to him. Like i said befor you all have given me a lot to think about and i am meditating on it

It will be well with you.

thanks sofeco

agiboma:
Thanks at the end of the day i can honestly say i have not been the perfect wife and i am not so much the victim you people think i am. I have realized my mistakes and will continue to work with my husband to rebuild our relationship.

Hmmm, I bet you the feminists will ignore this part of your post. Anyways, here is the unadulterated truth. The fact is the vast majority of married men in Nigeia cheat on their wives, however they don't bring the girlfriend to the home they share with the wife. That is the height of disrespect, No sane man will do that unless the wife is a complete walkover or the wife has done something terrible to him.

As long as the man has not declared the relationship to be open, under no circumstance should you permit the disrespectful act of bringing his girlfriend to your house. Second, it seems you have decided to rebuild your relationship; well, truly work on yourself and correct whatever it is you have been doing that makes you think you are not the perfect wife. If the man still continues to carry on with the acts you described here despite your best efforts, move out and move on with your life. Life is too short,

Yeah. That must be what it is. She is a very horrible person. Why else would a sane man do such a thing to his wife. She has done some horrible things too and it is the guilt that is keeping her there. That's why she went from thinking about cheating on him to rebuilding the marriage to now remembering all the horrible things she has done. Some women really drive men to do horrible things to them

@poster

You need peace of mind. Whatever way you can get it, go ahead. I'm behind you.

Thanks all for your replies all the men for giving me a man's perspective and all my ladies. I will update as we progress.
Love you all the Nairalanders who have a clear mind and heart

OP, how far the update?

Vikin: OP, how far the update?

Her husband has truly changed and everything is beautiful now. Her perseverance and long-suffering paid off! At least that's what she is saying these days.