jumlamoss:

Hi Nairalanders. I would appreciate some advise on a sensitive subject
I am a divorced lady, soon to be 40 who is desperate for a child.
My chances of remarrying appear slim as I am not very open to marriage any longer
I have considered adopting and obtained all the information towards this in Nigeria
However, I really long to have my own biological child and I'm considering using donor Fluid from a Fluid bank in Nigeria

My questions are:

1. Are there reputable Fluid banks in Nigeria?
2. What is the general view towards this option?

Thank you for your candid responses

ifyalways:

^ you are not serious are you? What made you think "she" is interested in marriage?she should invest her resources in getting a man to marry her? Its still same people like you that would quickly remind her that you don't use "resources" to buy a husband. @ poster, search yourself very well, weigh all options, pros and cons to be sure that this is the best option for you. And if the IVF thingy does not work, you can as well think adoption. If you ever get to the adoption mark, little saints orphanage @ palmgroove,hearts of gold hospice VI are all tested and trusted names in that field. Goodluck dear

MRbrownJAY:

lady, there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel and how you want to go about this issue, so long as you are financially/emotionally and physically able to care for a child. you should disregard how people will view you(or your actions) and focus on living your life the best YOU see fit.

here is what MBJ thinks you should do, instead of going to Fluid banks (which may charge you a heavy fee for their services which are NOT 100% sure to work):
first and foremost, create a new email address and buy yourself a new sim card. put an ad online, be simple and direct:"late 30s lady looking for a big cokc to please me during my fertile moments". . . . . .  the big cokc part is just to make the matter more pleasurable for you too, lol! let them know (from the get go) that you expect to get pregnant, but also want to have some fun along the way. no strings attached, no "daddy" needed.

you will have a few 100 replies. study the applicants, their work, age, intelligence etc for a few months till you get down to a few dozen. any uneducated broke a[b]s[/b]s guy should be deleted asap. make sure that you accompany each and everyone of them for their AIDS test at 2 separate screening 3 months apart (yeah it is not a quick process). when you are ready and in your ovulating period, get a hotel room for the whole duration and have the mandingo brothers do their jobs. one in the morning, the other in the afternoon and the next one at night (3 days in a row) i will be very surprised if not one of them get you pregnant! et voila!

btw you may want to name your first born after me, lol!

iice:

Do you have a good support system?
Friends, family?
You will need those in our society.
I'm with MBJ on this. If you can emotionally, mentally, financially support the child then by all means.
A husband or male specimen doesn't maketh a 'father/role' figure/model.
Better to be without than the one that is gallivanting up and down drinking, having mistresses, beating the woman all the name of 'male' figure.

maclatunji:

I can't believe you guys are trying to downplay the role of a father in a child's life. It is true that a lot of men are irresponible, but you don't go looking to have a child as a woman with the knowledge that the child may never have a chance of knowing his/her father. That is a most selfish thing any woman can do and believe me she will regret it in her latter days.

iice:

No one is downplaying the role of a father. The right role model is different from just being there because a person is male.
It is equally selfish for a mother to subjugate a child to emotional and physical trauma that can probably scar the person for the whole life all in the name of having a man regardless of who he is (based on solely him being a man) in a man's life. Hence the support system, being emotionally and mentally ready. That takes care of guidance, explanations.

Some people are better off without children just as some are better off without some parents. Some are better off with step parents or adoptive parents. Atleast this one gets a mother who loves him/her unlike that those that throw babies into the bin, under the bridge, in the river. Meanwhile others are convinced to abort for their male companions.

What does 'go on looking for a child as a woman mean?

maclatunji:

What does 'go on looking for a child as a woman mean?[/color]

I mean a woman should never deliberately seek to conceive a child with the intention of leaving the child fatherless- by that I mean without access to his/her biological father.

agiboma:

are you serious? your post made me laugh

maclatunji:

I can't believe you guys are trying to downplay the role of a father in a child's life. It is true that a lot of men are irresponible, but you don't go looking to have a child as a woman with the knowledge that the child may never have a chance of knowing his/her father. That is a most selfish thing any woman can do and believe me she will regret it in her latter days.

OP, find yourself a decent man, I did not say the perfect man, get married to him and by the grace of God, you will have children who will have the love of both parents. You are an adult and you can do this, it is the right thing to do.

I know you want to enjoy the joys of motherhood but it comes with the responsibility of acting in the interest of your child or children. If you have given-up on men (which is rather sad); you should adopt a child then, not this 5perm donation nonsense. It hardly ends well.

Tsiya:

Going to Fluid banks, hm, spend a lot of money and the probability of getting a Fluid of a guy with questionable genes is 50/50.

i dont know where u from, but if you were from northern nigeria (which i doubt), it is very possible to get a respectable father for your child, since polygamy is widely practiced. Getting a husband is very easy since you re financially ok and wouldnt add any burden to him. I aslo know that churches and mosques in northern nigeria normally help in arranging marriages, and your interest will be very well protected, men of questionable character and family background could easily be wed out.

MRbrownJAY:

yes i was serious about that.

pls care to tell us what would be the difference if she has a child without a father present (if thats what she wishes) AND adopting a child and raising it by herself?! in either case there will be NO father present.

also, dont forget that she clearly stated that she wanted a child OF HER OWN.

the OP has all the right to give up on marriage (or men) if she wishes to do so, and she should therefore use whatever options at her disposition to sort her desires (so long as she doesnt do anything criminal). it's all about being honest with what she wants.

after what the poster has wrote, you still want to hook her up as a second wife or in an arranged marriage? where did you read that she had problems meeting men? she is no too kin on marriage any longer, and that is all good if that is what she desires.

Tsiya:

The marriage can be done on contractual basis. What i have seen done on numerous occasion is for the husband to be a visiting husband. no string attached apart from the sex. she have the right to terminate the marriage if any contractual agreement is breach.

anyway, her own case is really difficult solve.

Tsiya:

no, im not saying marriage is a must.

what I am saying is, assuming she is from Northern Nigeria, there is an easy way out without the hassles of going through the Fluid donor syndicate.

I do not believe that a single mother is a bad woman, but sometimes fate could be cruel. i have read stories of children deserting their mothers for not knowing the identity of their fathers. i have seen adverts of children looking for their fathers. Life could be cruel. it is better for her to have a known person as a father than some faceless laboratory specimen