Hi all. Just using this medium to you know, check if i can write a bit. Please criticise constructively. Will be posting a piece about one of the many experiences i had in school. Please if you must comment, remember do it constructively.

The day started as usual with my roommate waking me up with usually loud croaky voice singing songs with different keys. I shook my head wondering if any pianist would agree to play while she’s doing a solo. Got up reluctantly, said my usually short prayers, headed to the bathroom, did my thing there, and started preparing for class. Getting dressed is usually one of my best times in the morning; I take my time to makeup though it’s always light. Today is casual corporate day for me; I pick out what to wear a night before so I sleep well. Yeah it affects my sleep when I don’t know what to wear the next day. Putting on a pink shirt tucked in blue jeans with this sexy belt I love, look myself in the mirror and promised to smile all day. I’m kind of addicted to coffee so I take my daily dose of it which is a cup black with no cream, pick up my backpack (I rarely use handbags to school) and off I get on my way to school.
I was in the faculty of engineering (mainly dominated by guys, that’s why I try to look my best always), department of Electrical and Electronics Engineering studying Computer Engineering and I really loved my course though I’m not a first class student just above average. Got a big peck from my bestie (a cute guy of course) for looking hot, a big hug from another friend (who happens to be a girlfriend’s boyfriend) and an approving smile from a big crush (all names withheld). Lectures went well; the first was from my favorite lecturer the only female in the department, next from a very boring lecturer, we just read along with him from the book he sold to us. After classes, I smiled and chatted on and on with friends that my bestie had to practically drag me home when he noticed the smiles were almost wearing me out. Another friend asked that we take a pose together so I had to delay a bit before going home. Going home was another highlight because I get to gossip with my bestie; he gisting about his female troubles and I about my male troubles then we shift to classes going back and forth on all issues.
He ended up accompanying me to my hostel before going back to his due to hot gossip. Got to my room precisely around 2pm, remembered church fellowship was for 5pm and since I’m in the technical unit, I had to be there by 4pm so I decided to catch some sleep. My roommate woke me by 4pm; she was almost ready so I started rushing to meet up. The tap wasn’t running and was about to open the door to go get some water from the reservoir when it happened.

Sporadic gunshots, no one knew where they were coming from; then we heard the sounds coming closer and closer, before we knew what was happening someone shot close to our window then it hit us, they were right in our hostel. We quietly locked the door and quietly closed the window blinds when my roommate whispered to me that that doesn’t change anything. I asked her what she thought we could do and she told me to gather our phones somewhere so that when they come in, we’ll just give them and hope they leave us in peace. You see, that season in school saw a lot of robberies and rape. We started praying but we couldn’t continue the robbers (or so we thought) were right in our hostel and there is nothing we could seem to be able to do. We sat down expecting them, then we heard again louder gunshots four at once this time then a girl shouted “Osas”. We have a neighbor who happened to be close to us called Osas, so we naturally felt he had been shot at. Panic settled in more this time, we felt for sure this was going to be terrible when we heard other voices, no more gunshots, these voices were shouting “Where dem dey? For our territory? E no fit happen?”. Machetes scratches on the floor then we knew it was a cult fight. I peeped through the window, saw some familiar faces and tried consoling my roommate and I that we were safe, the cult guys won’t touch us because we were friendly to them. Still in the state of confusion, we stayed in the room for like five minutes (what seemed then to be a very long time) not knowing what to do. Then we heard doors opening, our opposite neighbor knocked on our door, told us to take few clothes and escape from the hostel. We did as told though I can’t remember if I packed a thing, ran out to meet other hostel members outside the building when we were found out that four guys had actually been shot. It was a cult clash all right but the good thing was it none of our hostel members. One of the guys was a hostel member’s boyfriend and had brought his friends for lunch in his girlfriend’s place. We found out that the deceased guys were trying to hide because they knew they were being followed. The most unfortunate part was that these guys were all below 20 years of age and were all in 200 level and one of them was even a professor’s son. Some guys went in with some indigenes to bring out the bodies. It was a sad experience that day, none of us could sleep in the hostel that week for fear of the police but we gradually came back one at a time.
Living in that hostel was not the same after that incident. I was in 400 level at the time and it helped that I was going for Industrial Attachment the next semester. We survived that semester by sleeping in classes at night, going back to bath in the morning, then to lectures, back to the hostel after lectures to refresh, back to class again to read and sleep.

When I went back for the final year, I knew I couldn’t stay off campus any longer so I moved to the school hostels, disgusting place but a lot safe. I really liked the experience in the end, no guy was allowed to visit me because I didn’t give any my room number except my bestie.

I hardly find attraction towards criticism or perhaps, I'm not good at that. Therefore, my basic duty here is to encourage you. You really tried and I must commend your brief work. But since criticism isn't condemnation, I would still love to spot a few areas that might not be considered to be of standard.
1. Compression: this short story seems to have undergone unimpressive compression into one paragraph and this virtually diluted the supposed juicy taste of the story by removing what would have been a major comprehensive factor.
2. Irregular tense: from the first sentence, the story opened on a passive tone and it would just be proper to stay passive because it was meant to depict a past event but it suddenly swayed to indefinite construction.
3. Incomplete sentences and poor punctuation: many sentences in the story are not complete and that reduced the story to a mere informal note. It will be most rewarding also to give proper attention to good punctuation. Regards!

Fasterboy:

I hardly find attraction towards criticism or perhaps, I'm not good at that. Therefore, my basic duty here is to encourage you. You really tried and I must commend your brief work. But since criticism isn't condemnation, I would still love to spot a few areas that might not be considered to be of standard.
1. Compression: this short story seems to have undergone unimpressive compression into one paragraph and this virtually diluted the supposed juicy taste of the story by removing what would have been a major comprehensive factor.
2. Irregular tense: from the first sentence, the story opened on a passive tone and it would just be proper to stay passive because it was meant to depict a past event but it suddenly swayed to indefinite construction.
3. Incomplete sentences and poor punctuation: many sentences in the story are not complete and that reduced the story to a mere informal note. It will be most rewarding also to give proper attention to good punctuation. Regards!

Thanks a whole lot. I really didn't think i would get a reply. Thanks for the observations too, now I know what and what to start working on. I really appreciate.

I love this piece of yours. You should write more, please. You know I'm here to encourage and not make anyone feel bad or anything, so I'm not going to crticize but urge you to write in the best way you desire. You write not just to impress but to get the fun out of it. And you gotta break a whole lot of rules, not minding the audience. So you did really well. I'm your number one fan... and I'm really looking forward to reading more of your works. Love You.

Oh. 2012. Damn, that's a really long time. But hey, I'm still not late. Lots of love.