The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles." The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"

"The general replied, "In Vietnam."[/b]

hahahaha

A Close Shave

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer, "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?" she asked. He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between *potential* and *reality*?" His father looks up thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it for you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means.

He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your dad, but yes, I would." Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially we're sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with a couple of whores."

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

On a more positive note though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

@ poster. tho av seen d 1st 1 b4, but its stil funny.
u almost got d food am eatin out of my mouth.

Fenks Angelz

otajipopo: If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

On a more positive note though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

now, this is good! thumbs up!

Nyc nyc, all were cool

Nyc nyc, all were cool

Thanks Ruqaya and Swtchicgurl

Tommy went to confession on Friday and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

"What are your sins, my son?"

"I kissed a girl after school yesterday."

"Who was it, Tommy?"

"I cannot tell you Father, I would feel bad."

"Was it Mary Donovan?" he asked.

"No Father, please forgive me, but I cannot tell you who it was."

"Was it Catherine McKenzie?"

"No Father," he replied.

"Well then it has to be Sarah Martha O'Keefe?"

"No Father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was."

"Okay, Tommy, I want you to say five Hail Mary's and four Our Fathers for your sin."

So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph was waiting.

"What did ya get?" asked Joseph.

"I got five Hail Marys, four Our Fathers, and three good leads."

this one na Otajipopo Joke selection oh!


more ogooro to your photocopy

Na so ooo Sutoboy Thank you.

That's cool too. Keep it up

u get mouth die

Well done bro.

nice collecations Ota...

u bi welder for real?

A girl invited her
boyfriend over for
dinner at her home,
so that he could
meet her parents.
While they were
eating, it started
raining heavily. The
girl's mother said:
"Julius, I think you
should sleep over
here because this
rain shows no sign of
stopping anytime
soon" After eating
the mom went to the
toilet and the father
went to sleep while
the girl went to the
kitchen to clean the
plates, when the girl
and the mother
returned, Julius was
no longer there. As
they were busy
wondering where he
was, he came back
really soaking wet.
Mother: "Where
were you and why
are you so wet?"
Julius: "I went home
to get my pyjamas.

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
The husband said, Put 'MY PEN IS' and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was
Error, "Error. Not long enough."

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
"Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

... "Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair
remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have
really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they
will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under
your cassock?"

"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not
lie."

"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask
you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to
declare?"

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my
son",he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the
sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument
designed for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father.
Next!"

otajipopo: A girl invited her
boyfriend over for
dinner at her home,
so that he could
meet her parents.
While they were
eating, it started
raining heavily. The
girl's mother said:
"Julius, I think you
should sleep over
here because this
rain shows no sign of
stopping anytime
soon" After eating
the mom went to the
toilet and the father
went to sleep while
the girl went to the
kitchen to clean the
plates, when the girl
and the mother
returned, Julius was
no longer there. As
they were busy
wondering where he
was, he came back
really soaking wet.
Mother: "Where
were you and why
are you so wet?"
Julius: "I went home
to get my pyjamas.

Nice joke am likey

Thanks @ Jojo Armani